To Want Each Other

Gundam Seed FANFIC: AU

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed or Seed Destiny, nor do I own the characters.

Chapter 1: "Don't tell me 'cause it hurts"

The young girl stood erect, arms stretched out on both sides as the guards patted her down. She was used to this routine. Weekly she'd gone through it. She tried to refrain from sighing—-feeling as though that would be rude—-as the guards signaled her to pass through the metal detector. Once through, she hastily put on her flats and started to make her way down the familiar cold, grey and dimly lit hall.

The echo of her footsteps was the only sound floating in the air. She was silent, the escorting guards were silent and, to her surprise, there appeared to be no one else visiting at the hour. She sucked in her breath when the stopped at the door with VISITING ROOM painted red on it. One of the guards slowly pushed the door opened, and once fully opened she stepped inside and her eyes darted across the room until they met the purple ones she was looking for. His lips formed a smile and without a second more, she was in his arms and they were tangled in a loving embrace. However, their warm envelop was cut short by a correctional officer clearing his throat. He had to sit on the other side where they were separated by a desk and a glass wall. The two sat down simultaneously, never leaving each other's gaze.

She was the one to pick up the phone first and to speak.

"How are you managing, Kira?" she said.

The young man sighed. "I've been here before, Lacus," he replied.

"Yes, but today is your birthday—-"

"And yet, you still haven't bailed me out," his tone was acrid.

She flinched.

"It is for your own good," she said. "You'll never learn if you don't repent or pay for your crimes."

He was silent for a moment. His head hung low, brows furrowed into a frown. Then he looked up at her with determination in his eyes.

"I will not repent for what I was doing because I—-"

"Selling is wrong—-"

"I needed the money and those people needed help. My father needed help, Cagalli's father needs help, even Little K, but no one seems like they're doing anything," he slams his fist down, but not so loudly that the guards hear. "I'm one of the lucky ones, but not everyone is as lucky as me. It doesn't matter if I date one of the richest girls in this country because that is your money not mine and I need more than what you could offer. So what if I sold drugs."

"You stole drugs too," Lacus said plainly.

He bit his lower lip. "I took them from those who didn't need them and supplied them to those who did. I did nothing wrong."

...

One of Heliopolis' hottest clubs, Freedom Lounge, wasn't as packed as usual. Yet, that was expected for a Wednesday (the start of the week for said club). In fact, there were only a little over a dozen people there. They conversed by the huge, shimmering, colorful brightly lit bar. The bartender smiling as he shook up an unknown concoction, conversing among his patrons. Rainbow rays of lights flashed throughout the dark space. The dance floor tiles lit up whenever in contact with one's grooving feet. The people's bodies moved to the fast techno beat.

He had already grabbed his jacket from his locker and was ready to head home. It was 11:30 and his shift was over. He liked working at Freedom Lounge on the weekdays, because the club opened earlier and he was always lucky enough to get the opening shift. He also liked that he wouldn't have to squeeze his way out of the club through a massive crowd. Jacket in hand, bookbag on his back, wild thoughts of relaxing in bed, everything was in check; now all he had to do was get to the exit on the other side of the dancefloor.

But he froze before he could even take a step farther. In front of him, dancing in the middle of a group of a few people, was none other than the child of one of the most noble families in the country, the daughter of the country's Chief Representative: Cagalli Yula Atha. Her blonde hair swung back and forth wildly, her hips moved from side to side—-each time a different guy grabbing her by the waist. It angered him, but no more than what she was wearing—-a tight black dress, sleeveless with an opening at the stomach, and even lacey black heels. She wasn't one to wear girly clothes often, but as the years passed it had become less rare. She didn't focus on those around her, her eyes remained closed, lost in her own world.

He clenched his fists trying to decide whether or not he should approach her or leave, pretending he didn't see her at all. Wouldn't the latter be rude? Especially since today was a special day for her? He hadn't seen her for two months, and yes he missed her—-even though he tried not to—-but that's how it had to be now. She belonged to someone else, and he was tired; he needed to go home.

So, he decided to make his way around the dancing crowd—-far away. He would see her when he needed to. Yet, there was so much he wanted to discuss with her. He paused again, looking at her, still in a trance. He shook his head thinking that it was best if he retrieved information from his long time friend, Lacus. Lacus kept in frequent touch with Cagalli. She was dating Cagalli's brother and had long since became a good friend to Cagalli.

He walked farther and farther away from them, staying near the wall. He was so close to the exit, but he would glance back a few times to see if she would notice him—-a mix of fearing and hoping that she would—-and, also, because he wanted to keep an eye on the guys she was dancing with. However, the last time he looked back might have been a mistake because she had noticed him.

She had broken away from the small group and was making her way towards the bar, but as soon as she turned her head (as he was taking his last glance) theirs eyes locked. Once that happened, confusion swept her face, but it was soon replaced with shock, that was soon replaced with glee. Cagalli wasted no time, she sprinted towards him, waving her hand in the air as she called out his name. She did all of this with a huge grin on her face. Yet, he was frozen in place. He became lost in her amber orbs the moment his gaze captured them. He couldn't stop staring at them, or her smile; and that's when he realized that he couldn't leave. It wasn't because he didn't want to, he knew the risks, but because he literally could not. His soul missed her character, his body missed her touch; his mind missed the little things like the way she laughed; and his heart missed her love and compassion. He could not resist getting the chance to be around her—-to be in her presence.

She had jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. He ignored the pain of the clash and embraced her. The warmth of her body felt more relaxing than any bed could ever feel. They stayed that way for a moment before he slowly released her from his hold, and she slowly released him from hers. Her hands smoothly made their way to his chest, laying on them. Cagalli stared at them for a while, and for a second it looked as if she were pouting, but she quickly lifted her head and smiled at him.

"Happy birthday, Cagalli," he said.

"Thank you, Athrun," she smiled widely.

He returned the smile.

"How does it feel to be 21?" he asked.

"Amazing! I can legally drink now," she winked, "and get into places like this."

He raised a brow. "How many drinks have you had tonight?" he asked.

"Hey! You're not my bodyguard anymore," she smirked. "Don't look at me like that...only two, alright."

She then backed away from him. Disappointment swept over Athrun from the lost of contact. She began to look him up and down as if she were analyzing something.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, his voice cracking a bit.

"You're in uniform aren't you?" she asked. "All of this black...are you the bouncer—-do you work here?"

He looked down at his simple uniform before nodding. He indeed had on all black: black polo shirt, dark jeans, and boots.

"Since when?" she raised a brow. "That security company has you everywhere."

"I've been here, on and off, for about a month now, but I still do security at Lacus' studio sometimes when Dearka isn't. I also work at random places on the weekend."

"I'm sorry to have bothered you on your shift," she looked down sheepishly.

His hand instinctively rubbed her shoulder.

"It's fine," he smiled, "I am actually off. I was on my way home."

Her eyes lit up.

"Then you must come and dance with me," she began to tug at his arm, but he resisted.

"I don't think that is a good idea," he said, trying to pull away.

"Why not?"

"Because Yuna wouldn't like that," the words rolled off his tongue sourly.

She frowned and started pulling his arm more.

"It's my birthday dammit!" she struggled to move him, "and I've missed you!" her foot slammed to the ground.

He sighed and allowed her to drag him to the dancefloor. They were away from her crowd. Athrun could see from the corner of his eye that the men she was dancing with glared in their direction. It gave him some satisfaction. The music stopped and the DJ announced that he'd be playing "jams for the couples," and to Athrun's dismay Cagalli turned around, no longer face to face, and wrapped his arms around her waist as she slowly whirled her hips on his groin.

Athrun's body tensed up, sweat forming on his temple. That's when he heard Cagalli say:

"Loosen up will ya. I feel like I'm dancing on a cardboard box."

Her arm reached up and wrapped around his neck, softly gripping a handful of his hair. He sighed, knowing that if anyone of power, importance—-anyone who recognized Cagalli as the "Princess of Seed"-or anyone who knew/associated with Yuna caught them in this predicament it would mean trouble for them, especially her Yet, she seemed not to care. She continued to dance on Athrun with her eyes closed and a small smile on her face. So, Athrun decided to rest his chin in the crook of her warm neck while he held her closer.

Their bodies moved as one to the slow, everlasting beat. Cagalli's body pressed against his warmed him from the inside out. All the years they've known each other, and he had never got to dance with her this way—-so casual, so intimate. The previous dances were always so formal. They would waltz at political balls (if they weren't dancing with potential suitors such as Lacus and Yuna), but that was pretty much it. But, this new way of dancing with Cagalli had Athrun's blood rushing to his head. Before he knew it, his hands were all over her, feeling the softness of her fabric, the smoothness of her skin. The agitated thoughts flew out of his mind and were replaced with an euphoric haze.

He nestled his head into her neck, showering her with gentle pecks. She squirmed a little, and giggled every time his lips made contact. It was as he remembered. She'd often behaved that way when they used to be embraced in each other's arms, capturing one another's lips endlessly; or when he used to do this very act right before they would play. Nostalgia consumed him.

"I've missed this," he heard her say, faintly.

Athrun was silent.

"How's Kira?" he asked.

She sighed. "Which one?" her voice dropped.

"Well…" he sighed now. "For now just tell me about your brother, it's his birthday too, afterall."

"He's hanging in there. He's angry, mad that he's still behind bars. Lacus refuses to help release him, and made me swore that I wouldn't."

"That must be hard for you," his arms tightened around her. "I'm surprised you listened."

Her elbow gently met his rib.

"I just want him to stop. He's been in and out three times. Maybe if he stays in longer than a couple of months this time, he'll learn his lesson." there was a pause before she spoke again. "I lose enough people I care about."

Athrun lowered his gaze. They had stopped dancing. When he looked at her he could see the crease in her forehead and the glassiness of her eyes. He swiftly turned her around, lightly gripping her chin, and stared into her eyes.

"I never wanted us to lose each other," he said, sternly.

She looked down, shamefully, nibbling on her bottom lip. Her shoulders began to quiver. As if to stop it, Athrun wrapped his arms around them. Her hands slid up his back.

"Father is in a coma again," she croaked.

His grip around her tightened "Cagalli, I'm…" he started.

She pulled away.

"I wished a thousand times that the virus left his body, but it was too late and it became latent...just like it did to…" a tear cascaded down her cheek, "to…"

"KZ," Athrun finished. "I feel as though that is my fault. I feel as if, somehow, I'm the reason that he has the virus."

Cagalli shook her head.

"I don't want to hear that," she said, "and besides, you have the positive strain."

Athrun thought about this. It was true, he was one of the lucky ones, him and Kira. The virus—-Coordinated T Virus—- had surfaced ten years ago. No one knew why it appeared, or where it appeared from, but it appeared to be airborne in its thriving years. However, the CTV is now present in contaminated food or water. Knowledge of this helped to keep the virus at bay for the last few years. So, Athrun believed deep down that it was his fault that his son, Kira Zala, had contracted it, even if it wasn't contagious.

Two strains are known: Positive and Negative. Each have the potential to become latent if not treated early, either by medication or nature. The positive strain happened when the virus agreed with one's cells, only after they are first sick and the virus can't be fought off (hiding within the targeted cells), gifting them with increased agility, strength, intelligence, and/or stamina. The negative strain curses one with ghastly symptoms. The unfortunate soul can have a range of problems, from bleeding sores and troubled breathing, to body acne and extreme fatigue. And if the person's body is unable to fight off the illness, the symptoms would continue to surface.

Though the virus is normally not passed through human contact, it can be contracted when an infected person's (with the negative strain) symptoms are present. But this is only with direct contact.

Chief Representative Uzumi Nara Atha had contracted the virus eight years ago. Still, no one knew how he got it. At times his symptoms were at their peak, and one time it caused his body to shut down. It seemed to have happened again.

"It may have received it from me," Cagalli said. "I was sick before...when he was about seven months…"

"Cagalli you had the flu!"

"Maybe it wasn't! Maybe I contracted the virus for some time, and now our son…"

"Don't say that," he said, "you didn't do anything."

Her gaze remained low, but his drifted to the bar.

"Hey, you're supposed to be celebrating," he grabbed her by the hand and led her to the bar, "I'll buy you a drink. What's something you always wanted to try?"

"You in a jacuzzi," she smirked.

"Cagalli, you know I didn't—-"

His speech was cut short by her lips. Her hands swiftly wrapped around his neck, and he found himself slowly wrapping his around her waist. But, before she could deepen the kiss, he pulled her away.

"Athrun?"

"What are you doing, Cagalli?"

"I want you," she said with puppy dog eyes.

In that instant, Athrun's mind flashed back to two months ago on KZ's second birthday—-the last time they saw each other. KZ was taking a nap, everyone had left, and Athrun and Cagalli were alone. Yuna let her be alone with him because he had work. He didn't know how it happened, only that it happened so fast. One minute they were cleaning up, the next they were sitting on his bed, some articles of clothing removed, misty skin sticking to one another's, hands all over each other. And then he whispered in her ear "I want you." But their fun was cut short because their son had woken up.

"Don't you want me?" she said, leaning in.

He placed his hand across her mouth. "More than you know," he said before getting up. "I need to get going. Enjoy your night, Cagalli."

"Wait," she grabbed his sleeve. "I don't want you to leave."

"And I don't want you to be with him," he pulled away, making his way to the exit.

Before walking out the door, he looked back to where she was sitting. Her head hung low. His heart ached with the thought of her coming after him. A part of him wanted her to beg him to stay, but she wouldn't do that. Too much was on the line for her. He understood, but he didn't like it.

...

Her heart palpitated as she paced outside of his apartment door. She held the Pinot Noir bottle in her hand tightly, nibbling her bottom lip. She swore she could wake up his neighbors with her breathing, but most of them must have been sound asleep. She gazed at her wrist: 3 a.m.

He's probably sleeping, she thought.

She stopped her pacing and stared at the shiny, gold numbers centered on the door. 23. Her arm stretched out, but she pulled it back just as quickly. She knew she should be home. Yuna would surely scream her head off upon her creeping in so late, and then she'd scream her head of back at him and it would cause the whole mansion to wake up. But, she came this far. What would she even say? All the practicing she did, in her head, riding in the limo seemed to fly out the window when she reached the building.

I'll say how I feel

She raised a fist and began banging on the red painted wood. Upon finishing, she heaved a heavy sigh. Less than a minute later, the door flew open with Athrun in the doorway, hair disheveled, clad in a red and black robe, wearing an expression of annoyance that soon turned to bewilderment once he noticed who it was.

"Cagalli? What are you—-"

"I don't want to go back home" she blurted out. "I want to be with you. I always want to be with you. I miss you so much that it hurts. I'll pay the consequences. I don't care right now. I'll figure something out, so that I won't need the Seirans anymore…"

"Athrun who's that," a female, wearing pink lingerie, with long grey hair crept from the shadows.

Athrun turned to face the girl, and looked back at Cagalli with sad eyes.

"Cagalli, I…"

"You have company!" she feigned a smile. "I apologize. It was silly—-and rude—-of me to come here so late. You know what, I'm gonna go," and then she tossed the bottle at his door frame. A clash followed by dozens of tiny pieces of glass scattering on the floor. "I'm going back home to my husband!"

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Thank you!