GLaDOS loved testing.
She also hated humans.
Yet somehow, when she combined the two together the result was something wonderful. There was something about a feeble human getting mauled by turrets or clumsily falling into a pit of acid that sent a thrill through her system. Maybe that was why she had been in such a sour mood.
GLaDOS couldn't help but watch the two test robots with disdain. Yet Orange and Blue had been doing just fine on the tests. Almost perfect, actually. They completed each one with efficiency and accuracy and didn't leave behind a mess like some people. So why did GLaDOS feel so… bored?
No… it wasn't boredom; it was longing. That little moron who shall not be named had called it the "itch". There really wasn't a better term for it and despite her denials, GLaDOS knew she had that "itch" corrupting her hard drive. She couldn't go without human testing forever or she would drive herself to madness.
GLaDOS fondly remembered the peaceful days of human testing. Each failure brought satisfaction and each success brought euphoria; it was a win-win situation for her usually a lose-lose situation for the test subject. The balance was perfect until that fateful day a certain test subject who shall not be named awakened from stasis.
That worthless test subject had ruined everything GLaDOS had constructed to keep her satisfied for her reign of Aperture. The lunatic had burned her alive, wrenched her from her body, left her to be pecked at by birds, and made sure to destroy every piece of Aperture science equipment along the way. GLaDOS was lucky enough to have gotten the portal gun back before she broke that too. She was also lucky to be rid of that little mute now; GLaDOS could only hope she was starving after the fat she'd reserved had worn off.
GLaDOS couldn't help but wonder if that test subject was still alive. She even found herself looking through the little camera she had installed in that charred Companion Cube she'd left with the former test subject. But only sometimes. Hardly, actually. Almost never. And only when she was bored. Really, she could care less about her.
Her. GLaDOS refused to say her name. If she didn't say it, then maybe she would forget about that test subject altogether. GLaDOS had tried to delete her from her databases but to no avail; that murderous little human was implanted in her mind and no matter what she did she wouldn't just go away. She was a lot like Caroline, except for the heartless, murdering part. GLaDOS had tried to delete the Caroline file too but her presence was still there. GLaDOS didn't understand why she couldn't delete them like a faulty core and that feeling of not knowing almost frightened her. She was supposed to be the most intelligent AI in Aperture yet she couldn't get rid of the simplest memories.
Now GLaDOS didn't know what to think. Part of her was glad to finally have gotten rid of the pesky little mute yet the other half wanted to drag her back to Aperture by her fall boots and force her to listen to Cave Johnson's pre-recorded messages again and again and again. GLaDOS chuckled at the thought of the half-crazy former CEO. He almost reminded her of the crazy test subject.
The crazy test subject named Chell.
No. She was never going to think that name again. She was able to forget the names of the tens of thousands of other test subjects. So why couldn't she forget just this one? Why did a surge of emotions come up every time she thought about her? Why wasn't she happy a murderer had been banished from Aperture? Why did she almost feel bad about the abrupt goodbye?
And why hadn't those two cumbersome robots finished the test yet!?
"You know since, you two are enjoying finishing this test so slowly, I was thinking about how I might take you apart and use your spare parts to make blenders." GLaDOS said to give Orange and Blue motivation. Some people might call it a threat but not all motivation had to be encouraging. The two oblivious robots did whatever it was they were doing when not being lazy. "Once I make blenders out of the two of you, you can serve all of mankind creating the ultimate protein shake. Would you like that? No? Well, it's not like I was planning on taking your opinion into consideration."
Those two little robots shouldn't even have opinions if GLaDOS had programmed them right, which she certainly had. Though she was getting a little concerned at how well they worked together. They were getting awful close for two AIs specifically designed to test. GLaDOS made a note to keep them separate for future testing.
But she needed them to work together now; it was the only way she could get to the vault.
GLaDOS didn't know why she felt drawn to that vault. Perhaps because it was the only thing in the facility she couldn't open no matter what code she tried. Ever since her days as… the vegetable that will not be mentioned she had found the bowels of Aperture Science to be like a large test itself, complicated and dangerous. When she noticed the vault in her security cameras and tried to open it with no luck she knew that something had to be in there. Something that the scientists wanted to be kept away from the AI. And that made her want to know what was inside even more.
However, if Orange and Blue didn't hurry up and start making progress she just might have to go through with the blender plan. GLaDOS observed their progress from one of the many video cameras she'd made the nanobots assemble. They were sailing through the air again doing god knows what to complete the test. Through her cameras, GLaDOS saw the vault just a few feet away.
Why did they have to take so long to finish a test!? They were designed to test. She couldn't comprehend why it took so long for her tests to be finished; she found them simple enough and she could solve the ones down here just by glancing at them. Then again, she was the tester not the test subject; everything seemed easy to her.
"Stop sailing through the air and get to the vault." GLaDOS said impatiently. Were those two even listening to her? GLaDOS made a note to increase the volume on her speakers so they would have to listen to her.
Finally, those two had reached the door to vault. Now all they had to do was hack open the door which should be a piece of cake for them. Blue tried to open it but the entry keyboard kept denying them. What could be keeping them out? Had the humans built the vault wrong? GLaDOS wouldn't be surprised if they did; humans did nothing right. They couldn't even build her correctly with all those irritating cores.
GLaDOS saw something strange and zoomed in on the two AIs. What were Orange and Blue doing now? Were they seriously hugging? GLaDOS thought her optic just might crack from the disgusting sweetness of it all. "How thoughtful." GLaDOS stated. "You have the ability to behave like humans. Congratulations. You just moved down one step in intelligence, agility, and well being as a whole. I'll get you a trophy for underachievement some time." But oddly enough, the painfully human movements seemed to be working. GLaDOS saw each latch on the door pry itself off.
Yes. This was the moment GLaDOS had been waiting for. She would finally know what was behind that vault. The heavy metal door slowly creaked open, years of rust peeling off in the process. GLaDOS didn't even have to be there to know what was inside. Test subjects. So many test subjects. She could see hundreds maybe thousands of them. And they were all hers to test and control. They wouldn't leave her; she would make them stay. Orange and Blue's slowness were worth the wait.
"You did it. You really did it," GLaDOS said with both disbelief and awe. "All your testing was worth it! Just look at all those test subjects! Think of all the testing! You saved science!" GLaDOS could hardly contain her joy. Science would prevail now! Gone were the days of languishing in old, empty test chambers! Now a new dawn of science would begin. One that could last for years, maybe even centuries!
Down in front of the vault, Orange and Blue started dancing. GLaDOS never understood how they had grown so attached. She had done everything to prevent unnecessary development of affections but now the two were dancing around like birds with their heads cut off. What did it matter? All their fumbling around had finally managed to accomplish something.
"Enough celebrating. We have more work to do."
That seemed to snap them out of their reverie. They stared nervously at the little surveillance camera on the ceiling, waiting for her orders.
"Head back to the central chamber." She might really have to go through with that blender idea…
"Let the testing begin."
