Disclaimer: I own nothing but this fanfic. All the characters and Slayers itself is owned by Software Sculptors.
Author's Note: I started writing this a while back, so please review and tell me what you think of it. I realize that not everything's completely accurate, but it's just easier that way. And there is some out of character-ness, but it's good anyway, trust me! Please read and review!
Ramblings of the Doomed
Chapter 1: Copies and Headaches
The great Aka Houshi Rezo was severely pissed off. After what seemed like the hundredth time the neighborhood brats had knocked on his door and probably stepped to the side that day, he had gone down into his lab and turned on some loud music so he wouldn't be able to hear the knocking, followed by snickers.
'I have a spell to help me read,' Rezo thought, 'but I can't even tell where those bakas are, now that they've figured out that I can't hear them if they don't run. I haven't been out looking for a cure for my sight in too long. Maybe I should get an assistant… Or an attack dog to sic on those little pests!'
* * *
After a visit to the pound, numerous bites, a rabies shot, and a suspected case of mutant fleas, Rezo decided that he was not a dog person. So he called the Sairaag Tribune, the closest newspaper, and put an ad in the classified section:
Wanted: Lab assistant.
Assist one of the Great
Wise Men of the Age!
Must have good
eyesight, interest in
science, magical talent.
Intelligence is a plus.
'That should be what I'm looking for,' Rezo thought, satisfied. 'In the meantime, I should go get one of those cloning machines that those black magicians are working on, so I can make me some guinea pigs!'
So Rezo made the long trek across the land through the vast clouds of mysterious swirling mist that seemed to follow him whenever he went out. Finally, he arrived at the sorcerers' tower. After much haggling and much more threatening, Rezo left grinning. He had arranged for a Copy Machine to be delivered to his house and he had also bought a manual telling him how to use the machine. He could read it while he waited for the machine to come.
* * *
A few days later, it arrived. Rezo cheerfully gave each delivery creature a silver piece. He hummed happily to himself as the creatures left, grumbling about his cheapness. A well-placed Flare Arrow sent them on their way faster. Rezo grinned as he went back down to his lab. He plugged in the machine and looked over the manual once more. He also spent a lot of time running his hands over the Copy Machine. If he was going to use it, it would help to know where things were first. There hadn't been any replies to his ad yet, and he certainly couldn't wait when all he needed was right here! He had considered asking a family member to help him, but that would probably be a bad idea. Most of the family felt uncomfortable around him. There was his great grandson, but he was a little young and very stubborn. Rather blockheaded, too, Rezo tended to think. He was always thinking about nothing but swordplay. No, Rezo figured he could manage quite well on his own.
After getting acquainted with the machine, Rezo plucked a hair from his head. He put it in the cloning chamber, set the dials, and waited. He heard strange whirring noises, so he knew it was working. But after a minute, Rezo got so impatient that he sped up the timer, raising the power level to balance it out. The engine went into overdrive and stopped abruptly. Rezo eagerly opened the door. He heard the sound of hundreds of tiny feet and little high-pitched giggling emerge from the copy chamber. The little noises rushed past him, occasionally bumping into things and letting out high-pitched cries. He quickly crouched down and tried to grab one, but they were too fast. Finally, he managed to catch one after it bumped into his foot. The little thing felt human. It had robes that covered it neck to toe. The hair felt just like his! The face was the same too, but a bit rounder. It was slightly wet. The little Rezo-ling had started to cry at falling down and then being snatched off of the ground and lifted high up into the air. Rezo wiped his little counterpart's face dry, marveling at it. The copy forgot its sadness and Rezo felt it smile. It giggled and grabbed onto his hand, which was bigger than its whole body was. It hugged the hand for a minute, then scrambled on top of it, running up Rezo's arm and onto his shoulder guard. He turned his face towards it. The copy put its little hands on Rezo's face, feeling all over it and giggling the whole time. Rezo smiled at the little copy. "I was once as happy as you are, little one."
The copy keeled over laughing, then sat up to say, "Ja!" before disappearing. Rezo jumped, startled. He heard all the other little copies, who had been running around the lab giggling, disappear with little 'Poof's also.
"NO!" Rezo shouted in frustration. He could sense that all of the little copies were gone. "Why did that happen? I followed the instructions. 'Put a hair in, set the dials, and you'll have a perfect copy' it said."
Rezo stood up, smoothing his robes a bit. 'Perhaps I should have left the dials at their advised settings…'
So Rezo put another hair into the copy machine. He set the dials to their suggested settings and pushed the 'Start' button. He had to constantly stop himself from speeding up the process. He grabbed the instruction manual.
"Let's see, how long will this take?" Rezo asked himself as he flipped through the book, searching for an answer. "Oh here it is. Let's see… What!? A whole HOUR!?" Rezo growled in frustration. He got a timer from a nearby shelf and set it for almost an hour. Then he stomped upstairs.
While he was waiting for the Copy Machine to work, Rezo poured himself a cup of tea. As he was taking the first sip, the doorbell rang. Rezo expected that it was one of those annoying delivery creatures, come back for more money. Or perhaps someone had finally answered his ad in the paper! Rezo grabbed his staff and rushed to the door.
"Good day," a slightly amused, self-important voice greeted Rezo as he opened the door. The voice was male, and the speaker had an odd aura about him. He was both young and old, both light and dark. And there was no way he was human.
"If you have a moment sir, I would like to take the time to tell you a bit about the Great Following of Mairyuu Gaav-sama. Here, take these pamphlets. And if you think you don't have the time, I'm sure Gaav-sama could find it in his heart of hearts to allow me to feast on his internal organs.
Rezo cringed back a bit, but then he scoffed at the man. "I'm already a priest, baka. I don't need your little cult. You're probably the only member, anyway."
Rezo felt anger pouring off of the young man-thing. "Watch your mouth! You will be punished for that! What decrepit old god could you be a priest of?"
"Cephied, so I'll thank you to leave me alone!" Rezo snarled. He felt a sudden blast of pain behind his eyelids. He staggered backwards, jangling his staff. He slammed the door shut in the fanatic's face and dragging himself back to the kitchen. He reached in a drawer, pulled out some soothing herbs, and put them into his tea. He sank into his chair, massaging his forehead with one hand and sipping tea with the other. By the time he had finished, the pain had mostly faded away.
"Lord of Nightmares!!" Rezo exclaimed, "What the hell brought that on!? At least I got rid of that weird guy. He felt like the worst possible combination of ryuuzoku and mazoku."
Suddenly, Rezo heard a chime from the lab. His unhappy face lit up in a smile. He ran down the stairs and quickly opened the Copy Machine. Instead of many little footsteps, he heard one set of much larger footsteps coming towards him.
"Who's there?" Rezo heard his own voice say uncertainly.
"It's… me. Umm… I'm Rezo. You're… me," Rezo said, awe-struck.
"I'm you? But… How can that be?" asked the poor confused copy.
"I used a copy machine to make a copy of myself so I could test some of the more questionable cures for my blindness on you, and if they work, I'll use them on myself," Rezo explained.
"Then I'm just your guinea pig? And I'm not even real!?" the copy asked indignantly.
"Err… Well…" Rezo started uncomfortably, "Yeah, I guess you could put it that way. But reality depends on your definition."
Rezo sensed the copy frown. "Forget that! I won't do it. In fact, if I'm your exact copy, I should have your powers! Take this, bastard! Fireball!!"
Rezo quickly threw up a shield spell. However, the spell fizzled out before it had gone two feet.
"Nani?" both Rezos asked together. The copy then abruptly 'poof'ed out of existence with a strangled scream.
"Damn! He was so weak that he couldn't even survive casting a simple spell! How can I make a stronger one?"
So Rezo grabbed the Copy Machine's instruction book and a couple of other books on cloning, copying, and magical strengthening, and went back upstairs. Now that the excitement was over, he had a dull, throbbing headache. He made some more tea with herbs in it and took it to his bedroom. Since it was night, the room was rather cold. He shut the window and settled down with his cup of tea for a long night of research.
*Japanese for beginners*
baka – fool
Aka Houshi – Red Priest
Ja – Bye (as in Goodbye)
Hai – Yes
Thanks for reading! Please tell me what you think and if I should continue! It gets better, I promise! Please review!
Author's Note: I started writing this a while back, so please review and tell me what you think of it. I realize that not everything's completely accurate, but it's just easier that way. And there is some out of character-ness, but it's good anyway, trust me! Please read and review!
Ramblings of the Doomed
Chapter 1: Copies and Headaches
The great Aka Houshi Rezo was severely pissed off. After what seemed like the hundredth time the neighborhood brats had knocked on his door and probably stepped to the side that day, he had gone down into his lab and turned on some loud music so he wouldn't be able to hear the knocking, followed by snickers.
'I have a spell to help me read,' Rezo thought, 'but I can't even tell where those bakas are, now that they've figured out that I can't hear them if they don't run. I haven't been out looking for a cure for my sight in too long. Maybe I should get an assistant… Or an attack dog to sic on those little pests!'
* * *
After a visit to the pound, numerous bites, a rabies shot, and a suspected case of mutant fleas, Rezo decided that he was not a dog person. So he called the Sairaag Tribune, the closest newspaper, and put an ad in the classified section:
Wanted: Lab assistant.
Assist one of the Great
Wise Men of the Age!
Must have good
eyesight, interest in
science, magical talent.
Intelligence is a plus.
'That should be what I'm looking for,' Rezo thought, satisfied. 'In the meantime, I should go get one of those cloning machines that those black magicians are working on, so I can make me some guinea pigs!'
So Rezo made the long trek across the land through the vast clouds of mysterious swirling mist that seemed to follow him whenever he went out. Finally, he arrived at the sorcerers' tower. After much haggling and much more threatening, Rezo left grinning. He had arranged for a Copy Machine to be delivered to his house and he had also bought a manual telling him how to use the machine. He could read it while he waited for the machine to come.
* * *
A few days later, it arrived. Rezo cheerfully gave each delivery creature a silver piece. He hummed happily to himself as the creatures left, grumbling about his cheapness. A well-placed Flare Arrow sent them on their way faster. Rezo grinned as he went back down to his lab. He plugged in the machine and looked over the manual once more. He also spent a lot of time running his hands over the Copy Machine. If he was going to use it, it would help to know where things were first. There hadn't been any replies to his ad yet, and he certainly couldn't wait when all he needed was right here! He had considered asking a family member to help him, but that would probably be a bad idea. Most of the family felt uncomfortable around him. There was his great grandson, but he was a little young and very stubborn. Rather blockheaded, too, Rezo tended to think. He was always thinking about nothing but swordplay. No, Rezo figured he could manage quite well on his own.
After getting acquainted with the machine, Rezo plucked a hair from his head. He put it in the cloning chamber, set the dials, and waited. He heard strange whirring noises, so he knew it was working. But after a minute, Rezo got so impatient that he sped up the timer, raising the power level to balance it out. The engine went into overdrive and stopped abruptly. Rezo eagerly opened the door. He heard the sound of hundreds of tiny feet and little high-pitched giggling emerge from the copy chamber. The little noises rushed past him, occasionally bumping into things and letting out high-pitched cries. He quickly crouched down and tried to grab one, but they were too fast. Finally, he managed to catch one after it bumped into his foot. The little thing felt human. It had robes that covered it neck to toe. The hair felt just like his! The face was the same too, but a bit rounder. It was slightly wet. The little Rezo-ling had started to cry at falling down and then being snatched off of the ground and lifted high up into the air. Rezo wiped his little counterpart's face dry, marveling at it. The copy forgot its sadness and Rezo felt it smile. It giggled and grabbed onto his hand, which was bigger than its whole body was. It hugged the hand for a minute, then scrambled on top of it, running up Rezo's arm and onto his shoulder guard. He turned his face towards it. The copy put its little hands on Rezo's face, feeling all over it and giggling the whole time. Rezo smiled at the little copy. "I was once as happy as you are, little one."
The copy keeled over laughing, then sat up to say, "Ja!" before disappearing. Rezo jumped, startled. He heard all the other little copies, who had been running around the lab giggling, disappear with little 'Poof's also.
"NO!" Rezo shouted in frustration. He could sense that all of the little copies were gone. "Why did that happen? I followed the instructions. 'Put a hair in, set the dials, and you'll have a perfect copy' it said."
Rezo stood up, smoothing his robes a bit. 'Perhaps I should have left the dials at their advised settings…'
So Rezo put another hair into the copy machine. He set the dials to their suggested settings and pushed the 'Start' button. He had to constantly stop himself from speeding up the process. He grabbed the instruction manual.
"Let's see, how long will this take?" Rezo asked himself as he flipped through the book, searching for an answer. "Oh here it is. Let's see… What!? A whole HOUR!?" Rezo growled in frustration. He got a timer from a nearby shelf and set it for almost an hour. Then he stomped upstairs.
While he was waiting for the Copy Machine to work, Rezo poured himself a cup of tea. As he was taking the first sip, the doorbell rang. Rezo expected that it was one of those annoying delivery creatures, come back for more money. Or perhaps someone had finally answered his ad in the paper! Rezo grabbed his staff and rushed to the door.
"Good day," a slightly amused, self-important voice greeted Rezo as he opened the door. The voice was male, and the speaker had an odd aura about him. He was both young and old, both light and dark. And there was no way he was human.
"If you have a moment sir, I would like to take the time to tell you a bit about the Great Following of Mairyuu Gaav-sama. Here, take these pamphlets. And if you think you don't have the time, I'm sure Gaav-sama could find it in his heart of hearts to allow me to feast on his internal organs.
Rezo cringed back a bit, but then he scoffed at the man. "I'm already a priest, baka. I don't need your little cult. You're probably the only member, anyway."
Rezo felt anger pouring off of the young man-thing. "Watch your mouth! You will be punished for that! What decrepit old god could you be a priest of?"
"Cephied, so I'll thank you to leave me alone!" Rezo snarled. He felt a sudden blast of pain behind his eyelids. He staggered backwards, jangling his staff. He slammed the door shut in the fanatic's face and dragging himself back to the kitchen. He reached in a drawer, pulled out some soothing herbs, and put them into his tea. He sank into his chair, massaging his forehead with one hand and sipping tea with the other. By the time he had finished, the pain had mostly faded away.
"Lord of Nightmares!!" Rezo exclaimed, "What the hell brought that on!? At least I got rid of that weird guy. He felt like the worst possible combination of ryuuzoku and mazoku."
Suddenly, Rezo heard a chime from the lab. His unhappy face lit up in a smile. He ran down the stairs and quickly opened the Copy Machine. Instead of many little footsteps, he heard one set of much larger footsteps coming towards him.
"Who's there?" Rezo heard his own voice say uncertainly.
"It's… me. Umm… I'm Rezo. You're… me," Rezo said, awe-struck.
"I'm you? But… How can that be?" asked the poor confused copy.
"I used a copy machine to make a copy of myself so I could test some of the more questionable cures for my blindness on you, and if they work, I'll use them on myself," Rezo explained.
"Then I'm just your guinea pig? And I'm not even real!?" the copy asked indignantly.
"Err… Well…" Rezo started uncomfortably, "Yeah, I guess you could put it that way. But reality depends on your definition."
Rezo sensed the copy frown. "Forget that! I won't do it. In fact, if I'm your exact copy, I should have your powers! Take this, bastard! Fireball!!"
Rezo quickly threw up a shield spell. However, the spell fizzled out before it had gone two feet.
"Nani?" both Rezos asked together. The copy then abruptly 'poof'ed out of existence with a strangled scream.
"Damn! He was so weak that he couldn't even survive casting a simple spell! How can I make a stronger one?"
So Rezo grabbed the Copy Machine's instruction book and a couple of other books on cloning, copying, and magical strengthening, and went back upstairs. Now that the excitement was over, he had a dull, throbbing headache. He made some more tea with herbs in it and took it to his bedroom. Since it was night, the room was rather cold. He shut the window and settled down with his cup of tea for a long night of research.
*Japanese for beginners*
baka – fool
Aka Houshi – Red Priest
Ja – Bye (as in Goodbye)
Hai – Yes
Thanks for reading! Please tell me what you think and if I should continue! It gets better, I promise! Please review!
