Chapter 1- The voice within
When there's no one else,
Look inside yourself,
Like you're oldest friend,
Just trust the voice within,
And you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin to trust the voice within.
Christina Aguilera- The voice within.
Waking up, I stretch my body out over the bed relieving the crick in my bones. My fingers stretch out smoothing the soft sheets between my fingers. Propping myself up against the cold head board I close my eyes and smile. The day before I had been told that my harrowing would be in a months' time, and between then and now I'd be working one-on-one with First Enchanter Irving. Opening my eyes I meet the face of my long time best friend Jowan and an even bigger smile spreads across my face.
I swing my legs off the side of the bed and slide on my slippers; Jowan is instantly at my side, pouting. Even though he is two years older than me, he still hasn't taken his harrowing and he didn't take it well when I announced mine. He waits silently as I pull my nightdress over my head, there are no boundaries in our friendship except groping and kissing, of course. Opening the wooden chest at the end of my bed, I pull out my robes that are an exact copy of every other apprentice in this room.
Turning my back on Jowan, I hold out the top of the robes and step into them, pulling it up around my waist. The inside of the robes rub against my skin and I'm reminded of the time I went and complained to Owain: he continuously told me that he didn't have choice over our style of clothing. After a while I just wanted to see if he'd get frustrated but it didn't work. First Enchanter Irving had ordered me to apologise; it was humiliating. Jowan hadn't let me forget about it for a long time.
Dressed, I turn back to Jowan. He is looking off into space, deep in thought; he'd been doing that a lot lately. I knew he was keeping something from me, this mystery woman for one. I hated that he couldn't trust me, but what was so wrong about her anyway?
"Jowan." I called out. He snaps his head towards mine, and his lips tighten. He'd been thinking about her, the same look was on his face when he first told me he had met someone.
"Can we go to the library?" He asks. We'd been doing that a lot lately, and it gives me a strange inkling that she is in there somewhere. Without even bothering to get an answer from me, he walks from the room and I have to run to catch up with him.
"What is wrong with you today?" He doesn't answer straight away, so I add. "Problems with the mystery woman?" It is a long shot. And a bad shot, Jowan turns on me, anger flaring in his eyes.
"That's none of your business." He hisses. Hurt and anger force me to slap him, stinging my hand in the process. Regret replaces his angry expression. "I'm sorry."
"Seriously Jowan you treat me like that again and it won't be my hand going across your face." I turn on my heels and carry on towards the library. Not even awake five minutes and he had already irritated me. What are best friends for?
A ten minute walk and one set of stairs later we were in the library. Jowan hadn't said a word and in the corner of my eye I could see him staring at me anxiously. A smile plays on my lips; it was fun making him think that I was still upset with him. One time he had come very close to tears and it made me fall over with laughter. He hadn't spoken to me for a week. Without looking at him, I slide my arm through his and pull him through the large double doors into the silent library.
The library was my most favourite part of the tower; I had read most of the books on magic more than once. Yet the best thing about it was the silence. Even with a room full of people I could sink so far into my mind, one time Jowan shoved me from my chair just to get my attention. Four Templars had been stationed, three of them peered down their noses at us as we entered, the other, Cullen, looked away quickly. I pull Jowan towards a corner table that is surrounded by books on learning spells. I had only studied the bolt and fire spell which took less than a year to perfect.
Jowan pulls out a book from his side bag and sat down with his feet on the table. I glance towards the Templars but they don't seem to care, so I grab a book and sit beside him. A paragraph later and Jowan leans into me, his lips inches from my ear. "Cullen's looking at you." Oh maker! Not again.
"Don't be ridiculous, Jowan." For months, Jowan has insisted I have been the centre of that templar's attention. Ever since he told me that he had met a girl, which only made me think he was lying.
Jowan laughs quietly. "Look at him."
"No! What is wrong with you?" I hiss back.
Jowan sighs heavily, leans back on his chair and then says, "Ah, come on. I want to see him blush."
Pushing away my book, I turn towards him, annoyed. "He doesn't have a crush on me, you idiot. He's a templar, it's forbidden." I place my finger on the book in front of him. "Now, shut up and study." Moving away, I go back to my book. Letting my hair fall down my face to create a barrier between Jowan and myself.
It didn't stop him though. "Please…"He wails a bit too loudly for my liking. "I'll let you borrow that book you've been asking for." When had I not noticed this slowly turning to blackmail? This book was my key link to learning the healing spell which Jowan stole for a cruel joke just to irritate me. And now he is finally giving it up, how could I refuse?
"Fine." I say, snapping up my head to look Cullen straight into his eyes. Nothing subtle about it and I knew I'd regret it when I finish the book. Cullen seems to have a panic attack, blood rises to his cheeks and his eyes dart around, anywhere apart from mine.
Jowan barks a laugh. "Gets better every time." He places the book in front of me; quickly I slip it into my bag and look towards Jowan.
"So how's the mystery woman?" I ask, resting my elbow on the table and my head in my hand. Jowan's eye's cloud over, just as I expected. He only told me about her a couple months back and he still didn't want me to meet her, which either meant he didn't trust me or their relationship wasn't exactly legal. From the look on his face it was the latter. I keep pressing. "Will I ever get to meet her? I am your best friend."
Jowan shoots a dark look in my direction. "You were my best friend." I can't help but smile; he has always had a defensive temper.
Pouting my lips, I kick him underneath the table, hard. "Oh, well if we're not friends anymore then I'll just have to ask around." I was convinced that part of my brain had been created just to tease Jowan, because I did it on a daily basis.
Jowan grits his teeth and glares at me. "You're an evil woman."
Grinning wildly, I stand up and sling my bag back over my shoulder. Turning to him I say in a scratchy voice. "I know and I love it." Bouncing forward I plant a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Pulling back, I notice his beet red cheeks and wonder if his mystery woman is in the room. I look around to see if anyone is watching us, but no one is looking our way, not even Cullen. What is wrong with Jowan?
Jowan picks up his bag and stands beside me. "Let's go."
We walk silently, my arm slinked through his, towards our spell casting session down in the apprentice halls. Currently, my enchanter is teaching me the lightning spell even after I begged her to help me learn healing. At first she refused every time I asked, but lately she has just ignored me. I complained to Irving but he just told me to respect my elders and do as I was told. Jowan was one step behind me and was currently working on the fire spell. When we reach the hall, the other apprentices are already there crowding around the enchanter. We join the crowd and try to peer over thier heads to see what our enchanter is doing; yet it was impossible since the people in front of us were tall. Jowan sighs heavily and crosses his arms he looks around, bored, his eyes seems to catch on something because his eyebrows rise. He inches towards me and leans into me, his nose against my hair. "Cullen is seriously following us." Not again! Just to humour him, I look behind and just as Jowan said, Cullen is standing near the book shelves looking towards the crowd.
Snapping my head back to Jowan, I growl. "Will you shut up?" I knew it was payback for asking about his mystery lover but he was hardly quiet about it even with his lips against my ear.
He smiles smugly. "Why? Am I embarrassing you in front of your sexy templar?"
"So that's it?" I say.
"What's it?" Jowan says bemused.
"You're gay. There no mystery woman. It's Cullen isn't it?" I keep my face serious, even as a smile threatens my composure. Risking a glance towards Jowan I see a look of pure horror is on his face.
"What? No." He stammers.
"Could have fooled me, you talk about him all the time and…" I turn towards him, reach out and wipe his lip. "You're practically drooling." Teasing Jowan was second nature to me and has been for as long as I can remember. And it's was the same for him too, I think that is how we became best friends, because were so alike.
Jowan fought a smile as he says. "I really hate you."
Pressing my hand to my heart I say. "I'm so touched." The smile breaks out on his face and he pulls me in for a hug. Jowan's body is familiar to me because of the number of times he had pulled me in for cuddles, he isn't broad but I can feel the muscles underneath his robes and it's comforting. Even though we tease each other constantly, we were quite loving with each other, in a non-romantic sort of way. Almost like siblings.
Jowan lets me go as the enchanter starts sectioning us all off. I walk in the opposite direction from Jowan and stand beside another apprentice who I think is called Lara. Everyone is silent as the enchanter demonstrates. On the other side of the room I notice Jowan is fully engaged in what his enchanter is demonstrating, her hands are glowing with the essence of fire. Looking back at my own enchanter, I watch as her fingers cast electric shocks from her palm towards an apprentice across from her. He deflects quickly and casts shock back at her. The enchanter smiles approvingly.
When it's my turn against the enchanter, I stand with my back straight and keep my gaze on her eyes. I noticed that when she casts magic her pupils glaze over, and seconds later the magic comes. This enchanter didn't like me very much ever since I set her robes alight for calling Jowan a dirty mage. As her pupils glaze over, I cast out a shield in front of me which blocks her shock. In less than I second I conjure up the rebound shock spell to my finger tips and cast it in her direction, hitting her in the shoulder. She falls onto one knee and shoots me a dirty look as I join the back of the line. Lara smiles admiringly at me quickly as she steps into the place I was only seconds before.
As Lara practices, I take the moment to see how Jowan is doing. His turn is up. He deflects the fire spell but as his own fire spell leaves his hand it takes a turn for the worst, he closes his hand too fast and the spell fly's over the enchanter's head, towards the window curtains setting the whole thing up in flames. I try my best not to laugh.
(¯`'·.¸( )¸.·'´¯)
In my mind I try to imagine that the tower is a paradise and that the world outside is a place full of misery and death. I try to ignore the truth; if there wasn't a tower, then I could have a mother and father, possibly a sister or brother. I don't want to think that my mother hates me and my father stopped visiting me when I could no longer benefit him. Jowan is my only family because he is the only one who accepts me. So when he tells me he met a girl, I feel jealous and territorial. Even though I haven't met her, I hate her. I am no longer the only person in Jowan's life who he loves. I can't tell him this because I'm afraid, afraid that he'll pick her over me. Afraid, I'll have no one left.
I know who she is.
More than once I had seen the exchanges between both of them that they thought no one had noticed. I am not going to tell Jowan I knoq until he tells me himself. But that doesn't mean that she can't know.
That is how I found myself walking silently towards the Chantry on the second floor. Only a few templars passed me, they didn't stop to ask me what I was doing. See, the thing I hate most about being a mage is that I am so open to the fade, the demons resting within, and the constant insomnia.
The chantry is silent and empty apart from three priests kneeling in front of the altar. My eyes catch the statue of Andraste. I wasn't a believer. It isn't that I don't think it is real but that I don't want to focus my life on the past. She is there, on the left. How can she pray when she is breaking one of the biggest laws that she should live by? Just the sight of her makes my blood boil but I came here for Jowan, even though he has no clue I was even out of my bed. I know my hatred of her is pure jealousy but I also cannot stand hypocrites. Her whole way of life is in contradiction to her relationship with Jowan and I was here to make sure her love was real. As she stand, I take in her appearance. Short, red hair pulled into a tight bun on top of her head, revealing a long pale neck. She is slim on the hips but her bottom is largely rounded and I instantly see the attraction Jowan sees in her. He has always had a thing for women with large bottoms; it made me glad that mine was small. When she see me her face freezes, her expression unreadable.
My lips lock and I freeze as well.
I can't do this.
Turning on my heel, I run back down the hall only stopping when I see Cullen walking alongside Knight-Commander Greagoir. My heart is beating so hard against my ribs that I can't control my breathing; Cullen and the Knight-Commander eye me worriedly when they notice my presence. My eyes lingeron Cullen for a split second, wondering if the rumours are true and he is infatuated with me. He is definitely handsome, with his dirty red hair and short beard. His armour makes it impossible to see his body. If only I could see…
Oh no! I was fantasying about a templar.
Biting my lip, I feel the heat rise in my cheeks after realising they asked me a question. I hope I haven't been staring. "I'm sorry, what?"
The Knight-Commander rolls his eyes and in an irritated voice he say, "I said why are you out of your quarters? It is past curfew." It was clear that I am to head right back there from the stern look on his face.
I say the first thing that comes to my mind. "I was praying." What? Is that all I have? The snort that shortly comes out from Cullen's nose makes me glare at him in frustration. Looking back at Gregoir, I see that my lie hadn't fooled him.
"You're not a believer." He says, matter of fact.
There is a long pause. All three of us exchange glances until I realise they are waiting for me to say something. What can I say that won't make me look like more of an idiot than I already do? "Um. Well, I…" Then I catch the amused expression on Cullen's face and anger flares up making me turn the accusing finger. "So the only thing I can pray to is the maker? " I wail. I didn't mean to be so loud; I don't know what is coming over me. I think I am hyperventilating because my breathing was getting worse and my chest rises and falls rapidly. The expressions of the men in front of me turn back in to worried looks.
"Erin, are you ok?" Knight-Commander Greagoir askes, walking up to me.
"I'm fine."
"Do you want Cullen to take you back down to your quarter?" Gregoir is suspicious and I am not making it better by hopping onto each foot like a madwoman. But when he mentions Cullen I freeze mid-hop and stare at him like he had told me something frightening. My eyes flicker towards Cullen who looks just as surprised.
"Err… No, I think I'll be ok." I say at a length. Greagoir doesn't seem to like it but he lets me pass. I keep my head down as I walk around them and don't wait for a goodbye. Walking at a quick pace, I don't look back. I can't stop thinking about the way Cullen looked surprised, is it true? Does he like me? He always seemed to be the one who abided by the rules, what would make him interested in me?
The hall is silent by the time I got back into bed. Pulling the quilt over my face, I breathe in the fresh smell. I think of Jowan who has no idea of what occurred between his girlfriend and me. Will she tell him? I have no chance of knowing since I don't particularly want to speak to her. Closing my eyes, I pull my knees up against my chest and nuzzle my head into the feather pillow.
The last thing I remember is thinking about Jowan setting the curtains on fire. And then a deep relaxing sleep.
This will not be a long story. But I hope people like it and please review.
