I've always wanted to do a fic where the cast watches their own movie and since the second anniversary is coming up soon, I thought no better time than the present! Gave me a chance to do something fun and silly, so hopefully you guys like it.
edit: FFnet deleted the first paragraph (odd) so I went back and re-added it.
Happy Anniversary, Wreck-It Ralph!
Ralph tugged at his bowtie as he gazed upon the ever-growing crowd in the theatre, standing awkwardly near the front. He had on his usual attire of busted overalls and plaid shirt, but thanks to losing a bet with Vanellope about whether or not he could eat a giant cupcake without vomiting, he had to wear it now. Speaking of the munchkin, she was sitting in one of the front row seats next to Felix, who sat next to his wife, Sgt. Calhoun. The little girl waved at Ralph with a toothy grin and he waved shyly back. He still felt self-conscious at being the center of attention.
"Uh, welcome, everyone!" he announced once everybody had taken their seats in the dark auditorium. The large movie screen behind him stayed blank for now. "As you all know, this is our anniversary today, and what better way to celebrate than to watch our own movie together!"
The Sugar Rush children hooted and hollered from their section over on the far right; the Nicelanders politely clapped from the opposite side of the theatre. Calhoun's men yelled victoriously from the center stage, pumping their fists in the air until their sergeant turned around in her seat to silence them with a steely gaze. The other miscellaneous characters, such as the Bad-Anon group and the other background characters, were scattered elsewhere sitting with whoever they wanted.
Ralph smiled bashfully, again tugging at the infernal bowtie. "Glad everyone could make it," he commented as he briefly scanned the room. The only person who wasn't there was Turbo, and that was because he was safely locked away in Disney Prison with the other villains. "And I think we owe a little thanks to Mickey Mouse for letting us borrow the Disney Theatre for the day. And for, uh, Walt Disney of course, otherwise none of us would even exist."
Everybody clapped again and Ralph decided that was enough words for now. He gave a thumbs-up to Beard Papa, who was in charge of manning the camera. The elderly man switched on the machine before kicking back to enjoy the movie for himself.
Ralph stepped down and sat in the middle of the aisle next to his fellow protagonists; he couldn't fit in a chair, so he had little choice. He envied that the Hero's Duty men could at least remove their bulky armor and fit in their seats just fine. Vanellope scooted over a few seats so she could sit next to her best friend, a huge tub of popcorn planted in her lap.
"Nice speech, boogerlips."
"Thanks, fartfeathers."
The beginning scene played on the screen with Ralph giving a monologue of his lonely life while his 8-bit self stomped around angrily and destroyed things. It then shifted to where he was sitting in Bad-Anon with the other members, listening to what they had to say. Everybody laughed uneasily when Kano ripped out Zombie's heart, and the cyborg could be seen in the audience patting the dead man on the back as if to say 'sorry'.
"Kinda gruesome for a kid film," Gene muttered to Deanna, who shrugged it off.
"I'm bad and that's good. I will never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
"Lame," Vanellope snickered as she munched on her popcorn.
"Hey, that happens to be a good message, smartypants."
Everyone chuckled at the part where Surge Protector stopped Ralph from entering the Game Central Station; Ralph still felt annoyed by that guy, but at least he didn't stop him anymore. Surge was currently stationed by the entry door of the theatre, acting as an usher.
"I still get told that I'm hated," the blue man said to himself under his breath.
"Aww look at Q*bert!" Candlehead cooed from her seat, her little hands folded under her chin as everyone watched Ralph give him a giant cherry. "He's so cute!"
Q*bert was sitting with his friends behind the Sugar Rush section and turned a little pink, saying 'thanks' in his language.
"Ooh this is the part where everyone's at my party!" Felix whispered to his wife gleefully when the scene changed again.
"Everyone except Wreck-It," Calhoun reminded him without even glancing down.
"Oh, uh, right," he nervously chuckled, sinking down in his seat and twiddling his thumbs now. Calhoun patted his head to show that she wasn't trying to be mean. "Boy, we really were jerks," Felix added as the scene kept playing out where Ralph tried to get inside the party and then made fun of by Gene.
"I still hate chocolate," Ralph whispered to Vanellope while sticking his tongue out in disgust.
"And you're still weird," she replied flatly as she let him have a few pieces of popcorn.
"You're just the bad guy who wrecks the building!"
Everybody in the theatre turned their heads to look at Gene during this scene, and he jerked a little when he noticed all the eyes on him.
"What?" the mustached Nicelander shrugged carelessly. "Quit looking at me like that! It's not like you guys didn't treat him bad either, bunch of hypocrites."
"Quiet, everyone," Surge Protector droned out tiredly, not wanting an argument unfolding before the movie really began.
"Should've just fixed the cake, short stack," Calhoun leaned down to whisper to Felix while nodding at the film.
The handyman held a palm to his forehead as if he'd just had an epiphany. "Jiminy, I didn't even think of that."
When it came time for Markowski's time to shine, his fellow soldiers laughed at him for being such a scaredy cat about the cockroach and even moreso at being stripped down to a speedo. The Sugar Rush girls shrieked and hid their eyes while the boys fell over laughing.
"I wondered where those were!" Zangief bellowed from his seat, making everyone roar with laughter.
"You didn't give them back?" Kohut asked an embarrassed Markowski with a good-natured slap to the back.
"I…I didn't know whose they were!" the soldier sputtered, his face red as a tomato. "And I liked the color, okay?!"
Calhoun stood up in her seat and cupped her hands together, drew in a breath and yelled, "QUIEEET!"
Everyone shut up then and she sat back down; Felix sighed lovingly and gave her an adoring look. Surge sighed, saying that it was his job to hush people but nobody heard him.
"Can we please get along for just today, guys, come on!" Ralph scolded them all as the movie played on, now showing an armored Ralph infiltrating Hero's Duty.
"You look dumb in that get-up," Vanellope giggled after slurping her soda. "Dumber than you already do that is."
"You look dumb with candy stuck in your hair," he teased back, poking her head with a finger.
Felix shushed them both, putting a finger to his mouth. "Hush, my honey bear is about to make her first appearance!" He put his face in his hands and watched with a lovestruck look on his face as Calhoun marched into view on the screen.
"You know I'm sitting right here," Calhoun mentioned with an amused smirk.
"We are humanity's last hope! Our mission: destroy all cybugs!"
Everybody laughed heartily as Ralph became aware that he had waltzed into a rather violent game, running around and dodging bullets and bugs while screaming his head off. Candlehead and a few other girls hid their faces, not liking scary things. The Hero's Duty men started making fun of each other's shooting tactics. Ralph grew embarrassed watching himself, hiding his face behind a huge hand.
"When did video games become so violent and scary?!"
"Not one of my proudest moments," he admitted.
"That's what you get for game-jumpin', ya diaper baby."
"If I hadn't game-jumped, you'd still be piddlin' around in the junkyard, y'know."
Calhoun's men almost passed out with laughter watching their sergeant slap Ralph across the face, something else that Ralph hated remembering.
"I don't understand what Felix sees in such a brute woman," Mary whispered to Nel, who only shook her head as if she didn't know the answer either.
"That's my girl," Felix sighed in the meantime.
When Moppet Girl appeared next, Vanellope got mad when the two boys playing Sugar Rush told her that she couldn't play. "Kinda reminds me of other people I know," she muttered, talking about her fellow racers.
The theatre broke out in laughter again when the blonde child took control of Felix and made him zoom around in the game at her will. Felix got all bashful when Calhoun rubbed his head through his hat again.
"We're almost at the part where we meet," she smiled at him.
"I know," he grinned widely, blushing hard. "I love that part. Well, all the parts with you of course."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we're…out of order."
Everyone minus the Nicelanders laughed at the group of townspeople having a freak-out session over Litwak placing an "out of order" sign on their cabinet. Gene crossed his arms and "hmphed", thinking it wasn't very funny at all.
"They wouldn't have laughed if it'd been their game," he sneered.
The scene changed to when Calhoun and Felix met for the first time, and Felix had actually forgotten how he'd almost been killed via gunfire. Everybody thought it was hilarious that Calhoun had almost killed her future husband and that Felix didn't even seem to care about his livelihood once he got a look at Calhoun's face.
"Eww, mushy stuff," Swizzle said while making gag noises along with Gloyd.
"Loverboy," Kohut joked as he reached over the seat to give Felix a mini-noogie. "We even threw bets to see if you two would hook up."
Calhoun glared at him. "You did what?"
"Uh, nothing…never mind."
"Why didn't you just climb the tower in the first place?" Vanellope asked with her mouth full once the scene switched back over to Ralph.
"Maybe because I was scared out of my mind by giant killer bugs and I was trying to avoid being eaten?"
General Hologram appeared and said his speech about Ralph being heroic and brave in his deep, booming voice. Ralph's daydreams appeared on the screen much to his embarrassment.
"Did he really think we were going to adopt a Wrecker Waltz?" Gene asked snidely as he watched. He groaned and rubbed at his face when the movie briefly showed him crying over not being invited to Ralph's party.
"We knew you were a softie," Ned chuckled as he poked on Gene's arm to pester him.
"Nice job, twinkle toes," the candy-haired president smirked while viewing Ralph step on a cybug egg.
"Hey, I can't help having big feet."
"Well your big feet almost killed me and put Sugar Rush outta order, ya know."
Ralph scoffed a laugh and gently thumped her head. "I fixed it, didn't I? Ow!" He grabbed the side of his head in pain and glanced over to see the Surge Protector giving him an annoyed look. "Did you just hit me with your flashlight? What gives?"
"Shh!" was all the blue man said, raising a finger to his lips before he went back to guarding the door.
Nobody else in the audience paid attention to this as they were busy laughing over Ralph getting attacked by the baby cybug and then accidentally releasing an escape pod. The highlight was Ralph's varying facial expressions as he attempted to fight off the cybug only for it to grow into an adult and try to eat him in the confined space.
"Ooh finally, we get to Sugar Rush!" Vanellope squealed in her seat as the escape pod went flying into her game. "That's where the best character lives," she added cheekily.
"No joke," Taffyta muttered from her seat, having overheard. Obviously, she was talking about herself.
Everybody uttered "ooh" and "ahh" at the breathtaking scenery of the candy world. Calhoun groaned in disgust at the J-Pop song that was Sugar Rush's theme. Ralph hid his face again as the scene played out with him panicking over his lost medal and then trying to climb the candy cane tree for the first time.
"For someone who climbs all day long, that tree sure gave me a beating."
"Hush, stinkbrain, I'm about to make my grand appearance!"
Most everyone in the audience chuckled at Ralph arguing with his child friend as he blatantly lied about who he was and why he was in her game; it was made funnier by the fact that everybody knew that the two were now best friends. Vanellope silently repeated all of her own lines, kicking her feet in her chair.
"Are you a hobo?"
Gene snorted a laugh. "Close enough." He had to admit that watching Ralph getting bested by a pint-sized kid was rather humorous to watch.
"You're still freakishly annoying by the way," Ralph kidded as he took the tub of popcorn from Vanellope to finish off, dumping the last bits in his mouth.
The little girl gave him an impish grin. "You know you like being annoyed by me."
"Geez, she just left the guy to drown in green goop," Taffyta whispered to Rancis, who shuddered. "Imagine if she'd wanted to execute us that way."
Sour Bill, who had been sitting with Wynnchel and Duncan behind the kids' section, got up out of his seat and went over to Vanellope. He was so short, he didn't even have to duck down to keep out of people's way. "Madame President, would you like more snacks or beverage?"
"Yeah, sure, Billy! Thanks!" Vanellope grinned at him while handing him the garbage.
"It's not her fault. She's programmed with the most tragic backstory ever."
Calhoun grit her teeth, averting her eyes from the screen when her flashback showed and trying to mentally block it. Felix reached his hand over to hold hers and she squeezed it back. She knew she'd be haunted with Brad Scott's death for the rest of her life, even if he wasn't real.
"It's over now," he whispered once the scene switched to just the two of them debating over whether Felix would accompany Calhoun into Sugar Rush or not.
"Thanks, pint-size," the sergeant smiled, keeping her hand in his for the time being.
While everybody else watched the aforementioned scene, Sour Bill headed for the snack bar at a casual pace. He thought he saw something in the shadows, even turned to get a better look, only to see nothing. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously yet he continued to go forth to collect more popcorn for his president.
Beard Papa was kicked back in his chair taking a nap as usual despite being literally next to the movie projector. He didn't even hear the door to the projection room open, nor did he see the glowing pair of yellow eyes that glared at him.
Next thing the man knew, he was thrown to the floor and had a pair of handcuffs on him. Before he could scream for help, a sock got shoved in his mouth. Beard Papa winced as his assailant dragged him to a sitting position on the floor, leaning him up against the wall.
The light from the projector cast an eerie glow behind the evil racer that now stood before him, his wide grin even creepier than usual.
"Thought you'd seen the last of me, huh?"
