Okay so I've never written a fanfic before so... please review and tell me what you think. All critics are welcome because I'm really a beginner writer so anything is helpful. And also sorry for any spelling and grammar errors.

TRIGGER WARNING - self harm


Santana's POV

"I haven't even told my parents yet!" I screamed as I ran out of the office. I felt the tears running down my cheeks. Shit, they saw me cry. No one is supposed to see me, the queen bitch, cry. But I guess I'm not that person anymore. I'm an outcast. I continued crying as I ran out the door. I didn't know where I was going but I kept running. I cleared my eyes and looked up at where I was. I hadn't gotten far I was just outside the school near the football field. I climbed into the stands and looked up into the sky. I felt my eyes tearing up again as I thought about what was happening… I was being outed by some stupid pizza guy. I couldn't take it any more; I grabbed my bag and pulled out my razor. I brought it to my skin and just as I was about to cut I hear something

"Santana?" I quickly hide the razor behind my back and look down at the field to where I see my best friend, Emily, standing looking up at me. I try to smile as she climbs up and sits beside me.

"San, what's going on?" she asks.

"N-Nothin-" I try to reply but she cuts me off.

"San I'm your best friend, what's going on?"

I suddenly can't control my self; I burst out crying and fall into her arms as she pulls me into a friendly hug. She pats my back trying to comfort me but honestly it doesn't help at all. She then moves her hand and grabs the razor out of my hand.

"Give that back!" I yell as a break apart from her hug. She swiftly brings the razor out of my reach as I try to grab it.

"Just tell me what's wrong, and Santana, I'm not an idiot you wouldn't try to cut yourself for no reason"

"Maybe I felt like it, I actually find it quite fun" I say sarcastically.

"Please tell me San," she says after she rolls her eyes "you can trust me, all I wanna do is help"

I look into her gorgeous pleading eyes but still say nothing. She sighs and looks into my eyes "is this the first time you've done this?" she asks

I realize she won't leave until I tell her so I quietly mumble the word "no."

She doesn't seem that surprised and she decides to keep annoying me "why did you do it before?"

"It was last year…" I mumble.

"When Britt moved?" she asks knowingly before I can even finish my sentence.

I look down "yah, when she left… and then again when she got her new boyfriend" I add harshly.

"You loved her didn't you?" she asks.

I look back into her eyes "yes, I loved her a lot."

"Is that what this is about?"

"Yes, well no…" I say softly still looking into her eyes. I can tell she isn't satisfied with my answer so I sigh and continue. "I was in love with Brittany, for such a long time I tried to hide it but I finally told her and it was perfect… for a month and then she left."

"And what does this have to do with right now?" she asks when I stop talking.

"Well… Britt isn't the only girl I've ever lo-" I look at her to read her reaction, she smiles at me encouragingly but then I stop thinking. All I can do is look at the beautiful girl in front of me, with everything going on I didn't notice how close she was sitting to me, I could smell the mix of chlorine and perfume that always followed her around. I breathed in deeply and looked back into her eyes "Em, I think I'm a lesbian." She looks at me and starts laughing. "I'm serious!" I scream.

"Whoa San calm down, I know your serious and I already knew you where lesbian."

"What?" I ask surprised

"San, I'm your best friend, I kinda figured it out."

"Y-you don't think I'm weird?" I ask

"Course not, you're just as perfect as you always where" she replies, flashing her perfect smile.

"Well most people think its weird," I say biting back tears.

"Like who?" she asks.

"Like that stupid fat pizza guy!" I scream and turn around so that she can't see my tears. "He's making a commercial and its gonna tell everyone that I'm a stupid lesbian and I'll be the outcast of the school. I don't golf, so even the other lesbians wont accept me! You don't understand what it's like to never fit in, Em, I'm telling you it doesn't feel good."

"Santana, it's going to be okay," she says as she puts her hand on my shoulder "I promise."

I turn my head to look at her, not caring that she can see my tears "how do you know?" I ask.

Without answering she just bends down and kisses me on the lips.

Without even thinking I start kissing her back. I've wanted to kiss her lips for the past 6 months and this was amazing. I turned back around so I was facing her. Our mouths clashed onto each other hungrily has the romantic kiss became more rough. Just as she granted my tongue access to the inside of her mouth, the bell rang.

Emily's POV

Santana quickly pulled away as she heard the students make there was out to the field. I was disappointed, but I don't blame her. I had known for a while that I was a lesbian. Before I moved here, 2 years ago, I had a girlfriend, kind off. Her name was Maya. We where dating but no one knew, I couldn't come out; my parents would never accept me. I moved here before I had to come out, I hoped that maybe in a new place I would be able to be the normal girl my parents thought I was but that wasn't going to happen. Even before Maya I had a crush on my best friend Ali… but I try not to think about her and now there's Santana. Most people knew she fooled around with Britt all the time but when you're their best friend its obvious how in love they where. This was always hard for me because from the moment I met Santana, I was falling for her.

"You know San, it doesn't matter what those people think," I said to her "I mean who cares, fuck them."

"Wanky" she murmurs to her self, I roll my eyes at her and try not to smile.

"Well I have to get to swim practice," I say. She looks up at me pleadingly. "But I guess I could miss it if you needed me," if I know anything about Santana is that she wont ask for help, but this will prove if she actually likes me.

"I don't know, whatever you want," she says.

"Okay well if you don't need me then I guess I'll go," I say dramatically as I start to leave.

"Wait!" she calls. I turn around right away

"Yes?" I ask her

"I need my razor back, " she says which makes my heart drop. I just look at her still holding the razor.

"Em, I need to shave" she says annoyed

"Hmm" I pretend to think, " I don't think I trust you"

"You don't trust me with my shaver?" she asks annoyed but then I see her eyes light up "I guess you could supervise" she says with a smirk.

My eyes light up "did you just offer to let me watch you take a shower?" I ask half confused half excited.

She just laughs at me, which makes me blush "I bet you'd like that" she says.

I rolled my eyes as she laughed at me. I actually would like to see her in the shower, but she doesn't need to know that. I got up to leave but she reached out to grab my hand.

"Seriously Em, we need to talk" she said as she looked into my eyes.

"Yeah" I replied looking down, "we do."

"How about after your swim practice? Wanna meet at the spot?" she asked.

"Sure" I said smiling as I walked away. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop smiling, I had just kissed Santana Lopez, the hottest person in the world and it seemed like she liked it. This was probably the most amazing thing that ever happened to me, so I just walk to swim practice, grinning like and idiot.

Santana POV

I was sitting in a clearing in the woods in front of a small lake. I was reminded of the time Britt and me went skinny-dipping, I really miss her but at least I have Emily. Just as the thought came into my mind I heard footsteps. I looked up and see Emily walking towards me smiling.

"Hey" she says.

I smile at her "hey." We fall into a comfortable silence both of us not knowing what so say but enjoying each other's presence.

"So when is this commercial airing?" she asks as she sits down beside me.

"Tomorrow night" I say leaning my head on her shoulder.

"That guy is a total bitch," she says. I laugh a little at her failed attempt to insult. She looks at me trying to keep a straight face but eventually starts smiling. I smile back at her and next thing we know we're both laughing uncontrollably. We finally stop laughing when I lean in and kiss her. We brake apart after a few seconds and sit there smiling at each other. Emily was the only person that made me feel happy since Britt left and I decided to take a chance on her, I wanted to show her the sweet, innocent and vulnerable Santana, I needed to be that person right now.

"Em," I said looking down at the ground "I'm scared."

"Why?" she asked me.

"Because… Because now everyone is going to know who I am. They're gonna know that I'm different, and I'm gonna be the outcast."

"Then I'll be the outcast with you," she says as she tries to look me in the eyes. I continue looking down as tears start to form in my eyes.

"Santana, you're still the same person you've always been, nothing's changed," she says as grabs my chin so I'm looking into her eyes "I still love you."

I look into her eyes "and that's all I care about" I say as I pull her closer so that our lips meet in a passionate kiss. Right in this moment I don't care about anything, I don't care about my parents, I don't care about what people think of me all I can think about is how amazing it feels to have this girls lips on mine.

Emily's POV

I got home about an hour ago and have been lying on my bed since. I was going to come out to my mom, I was scared but I needed to, for Santana. The only problem is I have no idea how to do it. What do you say when you come out? I jumped when I heard a knock on the door I looked up and say my mom standing in the entrance smiling. I wonder if she'd still be smiling if she knew who I really was. My family was simple, try your best, don't try to change things and you'll be accepted. But the moment someone tries to switch the cards a bit, things fall apart.

"Emily," she says "dinner's ready."

"I'm not that hungry," I say as I look down.

"You sure?" she asks.

"Yes," I reply firmly "I just wanna stay in my room."

"Is there something wrong?" she asks.

"No," I reply keeping my eyes on the ground "well there shouldn't…"

I trail off.

"Emily, what's going on?"

"I-I I mean I'm" I look up at her eyes, imaging the look of disgust that will soon fill them. "Fine. I'm fine," I say trying to give my best reassuring smile. She gives me a strange look and then walks out of my room. I sigh then fall back onto my bed, why is this so hard? There's nothing wrong with being gay, why do people care so much? Why does it matter anyways?

This is one of those times when I jut hate my family; we've always been the perfect family. Both my parents had respectable jobs; my mom works at the police office and my dad is a high ranked military officer. I don't see him much; I miss him; right now he's running a training course in Texas. I wonder what he would think if he came home and the first thing he heard is that I was some weirdo gay kid. And obviously there's me; perfect Emily. My grades are good, I was brought up to be kind and I was the schools best swimmer.

My entire life would be so different if they knew who I really was. Just like Santana says, I would be an outcast. I know my parents wouldn't accept me. If they think having pink streaks and being "Goth" is wrong, what will they think about this? I fall asleep with the thoughts of what will happen when I tell my parents, all I can say is I didn't sleep well that night.

Santana's POV

"Ladies, I would like to thank you all for your tireless efforts in convincing your parents to vote for me," Sue says as she looks over the group of cheerios sitting on the bleachers in the school gym "and for teaching them what it is, and that it doesn't cost anything. And now your co captain Santana has asked to say a few words and I'd like you all to listen up. Santana."

This was it; I was going to come out. I don't really have a choice but I'm still scared. No, this isn't me. I'm not the kind of girl who runs. I am Santana Diabla Lopez, the hottest bitch at this school, I'm not afraid to be myself. I get up from my seat and walk up to the middle of the gym and face the other cheerios.

"There is a campaign add running for the first time tonight that says that I am gay, now my friends in glee club think that this is something I should be open and upfront about, not for other people but for myself." My heart was beating so fast, and I couldn't control it.

This is easy I could just say that the commercial is a lie, everyone would believe me I'm a good liar. I don't have to deal with this… but I guess I do. I can't keep hiding from the truth this is who I am. "It's no secret that Brittany and I where together last year. At first I thought that it was a phase, you know? Just a fun thing that would eventually go away," I say with a smile remembering all the nights Britt and me spent fooling around, but I couldn't think about the past I needed to think of the future, I needed to think about what I was doing right now. "But I guess what I've realized is" I breath in "that I am gay." I didn't wait for people's reactions I didn't wanna see them I just continued "It's who I am and if you don't like it then that's fine, feel free to tell me but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a natural born leader and, I'm not afraid to cut a bitch" I say with a smile as I return to my seat.

Now from here things can go anything from okay to deadly. I hear some applause, why the hell am I getting applause for telling people who I am. If I walked up there and said "guys there's something I need to tell you, I'm straight" no one would give a damn, why is this such a big deal. Oh wait, because the world is full of morons. One of the cheerios even admits to have made out with I girl before.

"Thank you Santana, that was very brave" Sue says as she stands back up "Now by my reckoning every student at this school who could possibly come out has come out so congratulations, the long national nightmare of students coming out is over."

I smile as the bell rings; maybe everything will be okay after all.

Emily's POV

I was at my locker pretending to be busy but really just waiting for Cheerios practice to end so that I could see Santana. She told me about her plan to come out and I had reassured her that everything would go fine. I had told her that if these people didn't accept her for who she is then they aren't worth changing for. I had told her that she was perfect and it doesn't matter what a few cheerleaders thought. Why was this so easy to tell someone else, but so hard to listen to myself?

A smile spreads across my face as I see Santana walking towards me. She's smiling, that's good. Maybe everything went well. What am I talking about? Of course it went well, there's nothing wrong with being gay.

"So?" I ask her when she gets close enough.

"I did it Em," she replies. "I came out, I told them I was gay and it didn't even seem like they cared!"

"Wow San, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you!" I exclaim as I lean in to kiss her. But just before our lips meet something cold runs onto my face. I open my eyes and realize it wasn't me who got hit it was Santana. Her entire face was covered in a slimly, cold, blue slushie.

"Next time I'll get the entire football team. We can all use different color slushies to make a rainbow. We all know how much you love rainbows, isn't that right lesbo?" one of jocks who slushied her called as he walks off laughing. I want to run after him and slap him, but I know that will only make things worse. I look back at Santana and see the slushie has started dripping down her shirt. Her eyes where closed and I could tell they where stinging. Santana wasn't used to getting slushied, she was the most popular girl in school. On any other day she would have run up to him and punched him in the face but this was different.

"C'mon Santana," I say as I lead her into the washroom "lets go get you cleaned up."

She followed me quietly into the girl's washroom and sits down beside the sink. I ran some warm water over a paper towel and made my way over to Santana. It was only then I noticed she was crying.

"San, are you okay?" I ask "sorry, stupid question, of course your not okay. San, it doesn't matter what they think."

"I just… its just…. The slushie stings, that's all," she says.

"San, it's going to be okay, that guy probably just had a crush on you and was mad that he doesn't have a chance with you."

"Well he wouldn't stand a chance either way," Santana adds bitterly.

"Look San," I say as I start to rub the icy liquid of her face "I know its going to be hard at first but you just need to remember that you're stronger then them and it doesn't matter what they think."

"Oh really?" she asks, "Is that why you've came out? Because everything is so easy and it doesn't matter what other people think. We all know how proud YOU are to be gay."

"I-I, San-" I try to explain but she cuts me off.

"Why is it so easy for you to tell other people what to do, but the second its your turn you back out. How can I listen to you when you haven't even came out yourself?" she asks harshly.

"I-I… You're right San" I say as I look down, "I'm a coward. You deserve to be with someone who is proud of whom she is. You deserve to be with Brittany. " I don't know why I'm bringing up Brittany, but I don't know I guess I've always kind off been in Brittany's shadow. How can I compare to Santana's first love? Well I know that Santana's right it just hurts to hear it.

"I'm sorry Em, I just… that was Snix," she says "I want to be with you, but I just wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you knew how perfect you where, I wish you knew that you didn't have to hide who you are."

"No, I should be the one apologizing," I say "you're right" and before I can say another word she leans in and kisses me. Her lips taste like slushie and then I'm reminded of what we where supposed to be doing. But you can't break away from a kiss with Santana Lopez. It's just impossible.

Santana's POV

"Thanks," I said as Emily wiped away the last bit of slushie from my hair. Even though she was done I didn't want her to stop. Her soft gentle hands felt so good running through my hair. "You're very good at that."

"Well I've had some practice," she says looking down.

"That's happened to you?" I asked. I couldn't imagine something like that happening to sweet Emily. Everyone loved her; she was gorgeous, nice, athletic and almost as popular as me.

"Well when I first moved here, I didn't really have any friends, I was the new girl; an easy target."

"Oh my gosh Em, I'm so sorry!" I had no idea Emily was bullied when she first got here.

"Its okay, it was only the first few months. Then I became friends with you," she adds with a smile.

"And now what are we? I ask and before she answers I cut her off "wait." I get down on one knee and take her hand. "Emily Fields, will you be my girlfriend?" yes, I know its cheesy and pathetic but there's something about her that just makes me not care. When I'm with her all I want to do is jump into her arms and kiss her, I don't care what other people think about me. I just wish she felt the same way…

"Yes Santana, I'll be your girlfriend!" she exclaims.

"Are you sure Em?" I ask "I could never make you uncomfortable, this would change everything. I could never cause you pain."

"Santana," she says as I stand up to look the taller girl in the eyes "I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I want to be your girlfriend and I don't care what happens next as long as at the end of the day I can say that the beautiful girl in front of me is my girlfriend."

I start smiling and I feel I tear roll down my cheek.

"San, are you crying?" she asks.

"I'm just really happy," I say as I lean in and kiss her on the lips. She kisses me back and I wrap my arms around her. She moans quietly as I reach my hands down to feel her ass. I'm clearly the one in control so I push her into the wall and start kissing her more roughly. Her hands are wrapped around my neck as her fingers run threw my long dark hair. She seems to be enjoying it so I move my hands up to cup her breasts. She gasp a little but doesn't show any sign that I should stop, instead she starts sucking my bottom lip. I push her lips apart as I dart my tongue into her mouth. She then quickly pulls away.

"San," she says as she gestured towards the door. I look into the doorway, which was wide open, very smart of me, and I see Jacob Ben Israel standing there with his mouth wide open and a camera in his hands.

"That was so hot," he mumbles breathlessly.

"I swear if you put those pictures on your stupid blog…" I'm about to go all Lima heights on his sorry ass but Emily's hand reaches out and grabs mine.

"San, its okay," Emily says, "I don't wanna hide anymore. I want everyone in the school to know that you're my girlfriend."

"You sure?" I ask, "Because I could easily beat the living crap out of him."

"No San, its fine. I'm your girlfriend now and I don't care who knows it."

"Good," I reply with a smile "because I'm sure those pics are totally hot."

She rolls her eyes at me, which makes me laugh.

"I love you," she says.

"I love you too," I reply.