Title should mean "Nightmares of Another Life".

Cisco's feelings after the rescue in Paradox. Hint of Barrisco, but not nearly enough to warrant a pairing tag. Written after the total betrayal of friendship Cisco showed in 3x08 - Invasion. Also, a little bit of dark!Cisco, but only because, honestly, he's behaving like such a petty little bitch right now, I can't see him going anywhere but down. Not set in a particular scene, cause i don't wanna rewatch Flashpoint. Tears my heart out.

Not a drabble. Not a oneshot. Halfshot.


That smile.

That smug, fake smile.

It haunted his dreams, corrupted his Vibes and ruled his nightmares. Woke him up in the middle of the night and left him panting in frustration in those no longer rare moments of daydreaming. And he hated it.

The hatred was a gradual process. First came the pain, unadulterated and pure stabbing pain of loss. Cisco didn't understand why it appeared so suddenly, not at first, but he had tried to deal. He had worked and worked, tireless in his efforts to silence his own wildly beating heart, but he was unsuccesful. There was fear mixed in, too, chilling his blood and shaking his bones. But he could ignore that with the help of lots of sugar and a few well-placed self-Vibes (so he used his powers to give himself good dreams. Sue him.). After several weeks of remembering in vivid, blue-tinted detail his last outing with Dante, reciting over and over every word spoken, every joke shared, the agony lessened, only to be replaced by guilt.

He felt guilty for not being there when Barry was preparing to fuck up everyone's lives, for not understanding the situation better, for being stupid enough to think it's all okay after defeating Zoom. For not seeing the signals and catching the fast idiot's dumb plan in its beginnings. But the more he beat himself up over it, the more he understood it was not his fault.

No.

It was Barry's.

And with that discovery, the anger came.

At first there were small embers, sparkles of irritation at the way situation turned out, at the way the scarlet speedster handled everything. These sparks, however, soon turned into a campfire. That could've been enough but no. No, it kept growing, festered into a roaring, violent inferno that threatened to consume everything and everyone in its way. There were later on moments, mere blinks of clarity when Cisco woke up from his self-induced cocktail of feelings when he hit himself in the head and cursed, trying to push down the part of his soul that screamed for his best friend's blood. It got harder and harder everyday, though, especially after the CSI had the gall to think he'd forgiven him.

That opened the dam of hatred, and it came down on him like a flood. A cold, bitter, black flood of raw edges, ugly thoughts and all-consuming thirst for revenge.

No, no, he'll never forgive Barry.

He'll rather burn in Hell.

At least then, he'd get the opportunity to wipe that damn smile off the Flash's face.