Summary: He will always know how to get to her, amidst all the chaos and awfulness of his life, even when she's the last thing he wants to find.
Lighthouse
...
He's alone for another holiday and he calls Bella, even though he shouldn't, but fuck it. She's just becoming big in Seattle these days, ever since she graduated from UDub and interned at The Seattle Times. A few months ago, her exposé piece became her big breakthrough. Investigative reporting—it suits her. It makes sense.
"Yeah?" Bella picks up on the third ring, answering in that brisk voice of hers. These days, she's always on the go and can never stay still. She still hasn't stopped running.
For a few seconds Paul can't think of anything to say. He just sits at his kitchen table with a bottle of beer in front of him, his head resting in one hand and the other holding the phone to his ear.
"Look, Paul I know it's you," she says after a long silence. "You can drop the whole creepy silent mouth-breather thing. It's really annoying."
"Okay," he says. "Where are you?"
"Driving to Forks," she tells him. "Home for the holidays. And you?"
"Still in La Push." He looks out the window and watches the snow falling down. He used to think that a white Christmas was romantic, but now all he sees is the dirty slush it will become.
Paul dropped out of UDub half a year in, he couldn't hack it. He left Bella without a word. He shacked up in his old cabin and had spent the past few years mostly fucking around doing nothing. Sometimes, Bella would come and visit and they'd accidentally get too drunk and accidentally sleep together. Sometimes, she'd yell at him to grow up, that it wasn't her responsibility to save him, especially if he wouldn't even try. She would leave and it would be like she'd never been there at all.
Those visits had been few and far between in the last couple of months. Her career was steadily building and he was steadily going nowhere, something she had no problem reminding him when she did take the time to call these days. Their off-and-on-again relationship had been switched to off, for the time being.
"I miss you," he blurts out without meaning to. However, it's not as bad as some of the other profoundly stupid things running through his mind.
I want to run away with you.
I want to change your world.
I want to change my world.
I want to make you feel alive.
Bella sighs audibly, but without seeing her facial expression, he can't tell what kind of sigh it is. She could be nostalgic, sad, or just plain exasperated.
"I'll be there all week," she tells him, which takes him by surprise. "If you want, come by. We'll catch up."
"So…how will that end?" he questions. "A torrid affair? Involuntary castration? Pouring our hearts out over drinks like mature adults?"
It's almost as if he can hear her smiling over the phone. "No, no, and maybe. We'll see. You know where to find me."
She hangs up and he keeps the phone to his ear for awhile. He thinks how he will always know how to get to her, amidst all the chaos and awfulness of his life, even when she's the last thing he wants to find.
It's the one thing he's been able to count on.
His imprint.
His Bella.
