TITLE: Sweet Surrender
AUTHOR: Shawn Carter
WEBSITE: Currently off-line.
DISTRIBUTION: Sure.
EMAIL: shawngf@earthlink.net
FEEDBACK: Please.
SUMMARY: Alex and Lorna are finally tying the knot. While getting ready for the wedding, two Summers brothers and two Summers women negotiate past, present and future.
NOTES: This is AU. There was no Mutant X for Alex. In fact this universe cut off before the Age Of Apocalypse, sometime after Alex and Lorna's battle with Malice in Hawaii. Scott and Jean have been married roughly about a year. Oh and Madrox is back with X-Factor. It's the Peter David team.
COUPLES: S/J, A/L

***

There are yellow legal pads everywhere. I've been at this all night. It should have been done weeks ago. I bet hers were. Me, I'm up at two in the morning trying to figure out how to tell the woman I'm going to marry how much I love her.

I crumple up another sheet and toss it into the garbage can next to my desk. It joins it's brothers and sisters. Who I swear to God are all breeding.

I run my fingers through my hair and it occurs to me that it's much too long. I'll need to get it cut before Saturday.

Three days.

So much to do.

I thump my pen against the pad of paper, listening to the sound it makes and searching desperately for something poetry. Except that's never really been my way. I'm not a fancy kind of fella; I'm a cowboy.

What does that mean? It's means if I want my lover to know what's I'm feeling or thinking, well then I show her. I pull her into my arms and make she's gasping for air for the next few seconds. Then she knows.

Maybe I'm not sensitive and artistic. I can apologize for that until I turn blue but it won't do any good because I'm not really sorry. You see I've spent too much of my life trying to figure out who I was and where I belonged. Now that I'm standing with both feet kind of on the ground, I don't have much use for apologies and pretenses. I am who I am.

Alex Summers. Kid brother of Scott. Havok, the leader of the mutant team known as X-Factor. Or just plain 'Lex, the lucky son of a bitch who is going to marry the most beautiful woman in the world.

In just three days.

I wonder what she's thinking about right now. Knowing her, she's got the time until our wedding counted down into minutes and seconds. At least I hope so. I hope I'm not the only one scared here.

Hey hey, no..I'm not scared of marrying her. I was born to be with her until death do we part. I'm just scared because marriage isn't something you get to get weak in the knees about. I've spent too much of my life running. I have to stop now; the ring she'll put on my hand will give her the right to nag me everytime I fall into the patented Summers brooding mode.

I laugh. Scotty and I have made brooding an art. I didn't used to be like that but hey, you get fucked over as many times as I have and then see if you're in the mood for one more verse of "The Hills Are Alive". I gotta tell ya, for both Scotty and I, it just plain gets old.

But here we go again. This is what we do. We make it through. Damn, but I'm thinking again and this isn't where I'd wanted to be.

I look at the paper. I place my pen against it and black ink seeps through. I write her name in block capitals: Lorna.

My sweet Lorna.

She should have given up on my long ago. Anyone else with even a shred of sanity would have. Then again, maybe we should have both given up on each other. We never have though.

And three days from today, I'll make sure we never do.

I sigh and fall back against the bed. This place is so quiet. Almost eerie like. Guido, Rahne and Jamie are at some concert in the city. Pietro is off doing whatever Pietro does..which of course, knowing how eccentric he can be..well..the sky's the limit, no? And Lorna? Well she's out with the girls.

I shake my head. Time was that I could party like it was my middle name. Quite the wild one. I'm a little more controlled these days..I have to be. So many lives.

No. No.

Not tonight.

Lorna. Damn it. Lorna. Stay focused Summers or you'll end up writing vows that read like something Trey Parker would put together. And you know that's no good.

Best way to get ditched at the alter ever. And with a nice shiny red mark as a reminder. I think I'll skip that.

I close my eyes. I'm tired and I want to sleep. I look at the pad of paper in my hand and frown. Honestly, I don't think I know how to sleep without her anymore. When did that happen? You know, I don't know.

So..back to the vows then.

Because three days are counting down.

***

Val Cooper didn't get to let her hair down very often. Too much tended to depend on her being cool and controlled. But on the previous evening, X-Factor's government liaison had gotten plastered. Too many margaritas. Too many shots of vodka. Falling down drunk.

It's have been hysterical except for the part that followed that included her desperately holding onto the toilet while Lorna Dane held her hair back.

"Ugh," Dr. Cooper muttered as she moved to her feet. She looked at Lorna and shrugged a bit. "Don't do that so much anymore."

"I'm getting that," Lorna grinned. "But I'm a bit..shocked."

"Why? I thought you'd been going to a few bars with Jamie and Guido as of late?" Lorna queried, offering Val a towel.

"No..that's called watching them and making sure they don't..do..what they do."

Lorna laughed. She stepped outside the bathroom with Val and into the hallway of the second story dorms of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. "I smell breakfast."

"Ugh," Val moaned. She suddenly cut a u-turn and headed back towards the room she had slept in after she'd been brought back the night before. Lorna started to move to help her but Val put up a hand. "You eat. Food bad."

Lorna chuckled. It wasn't that she hadn't had a lot to drink the night before; it was just that she was more used to it. Alex was a drinker. The man loved ten cent Mexican beers and going out to party hard with the boys. Usually Logan.

Until she had made them take her along for the ride. They had both laughed, expecting her to be on the ground after two shots. Suffice it to say, they had been wrong and it had been an interesting night.

Like most of them were with Alex. She had met him when they were only sixteen years of age. He'd turn twenty-five in three weeks. She'd hit that big number about four months later. Nine years of knowing Alex Summers. Nine years of loving him with her entire heart and soul.

Alex had strayed but never while he'd been with her. Alex had had other lovers but none of them mattered to him. He loved deeply if sometimes not wisely but even she knew that she was his beginning and end. The middle didn't so much matter after all that.

Alex was going to be her husband. Finally. Nine years later. In sickness and in health. Until death. They were only twenty-four, the both of them. Lots of time left on the game clock.

"Lorna?"

She looked up and smiled. "Morning Jean. Rough night?"

Jean frowned, "No, why would you say that?"

Lorna lifted an eyebrow, "You're a bit..well..rumpled.."

Jean grinned. "Oh, that..well you know what they say..the first year is fantastic. Our one year anniversary isn't until next Friday."

The two women shared a laugh and it felt good. After searching for so long for just a few minutes of sanity and peace, it was nice to feel at ease. At home. "So, who's cooking."

"Remy," Jean replied. "I hope you're up for spicy."

"Mm, sounds good."

****

I want to tell him what it feels like. How good it feels. How it makes you feel like your flying. How hard it is to get out of bed in the morning when the one person you love more than life itself is holding you in her arms.

That's my world in a nutshell. Well kinda. With the parts about me being a mutant and the leader of the X-Men edited out. Adult content, you know?

I laugh. Adult content was this morning but let's not go there. I walk slowly through the hallway of the Brownstone to where my brothers' room is. Way in the back. He and Lorna like it that way. A little bit of privacy in a whole sea of madness.

Hey baby brother, I know that feeling. Welcome to my world. On Saturday, you'll be in it again.

Marriage is quite the ride. Not easy. Not hard. Not just there either. Everyday. Always touching you in some way or another.

Jean is my wife. My life. I could wax and said I was born with her name on my lips but why bother? After everything we've been through- well, actions really do speak louder than words.

Jean and I have been married almost a year and it's been a ride. We've been through a lot. The Legacy Virus has taken up so much of our energy but we always found a way.

Five minutes. Hell, five seconds. She'd grab me and pull me into a hug. And then she'd kiss me. And everything around me would explode. Like a God damn fireworks show.

It hasn't been easy. It hasn't been hard. Its just been me and Jean like always. You know, standing in the way of this great big tidal wave and then laughing when we realize hey, maybe we DO know how to surf after all. Imagine that.

"Scotty?"

I look up and blink. "Hey little brother."

"You're brooding. House rules say that only one of us can do that at a time." His tone is light but I can tell he's tired. He probably didn't sleep so well without Lorna. I don't without Jean.

You know, us Summers boys are really fucked up.

I laugh.

"Scott?" Alex asks. He thinks I'm cracking up.

"Our worlds," I say. "Just crazy."

"Just crazy," he repeats. "Yeah, okay. So, what's up?"

"I wanted to see how you are? Jean said you called her yesterday to ask for help with the vows."

He colours a bit and looks away. I hadn't meant to embarrass him. Funny thing is, I've never been great with words but Alex makes me look like the next great American author. I touch his shoulder.

"She wasn't supposed to tell you," he mutters, shuffling a bit. Yeah, this guy is the leader of X-Factor. Hey bro, I'm here with you. I'm a giddy school-boy too when it comes to Jean.

"So whadaya got?" I ask him.

He shrugs, "You know." Then he sighs. "I'm hungry, Scotty. I want cheesesteak." His tone tells me that the discussion about his unfinished vows is over. I can accept that.

"Sounds good." I pause a moment before launching forward. "So how are you? Nervous?"

"I wasn't at your wedding," he says, leaning down to tie up his boots.

I chuckle,"You weren't getting married then..you were just trying to lose the ring." He shrugs, admitting the truth of it.

Finally he just says what he's been thinking and what I knew was bothering him. "Do things change?"

I nod my head for a few moments, "Yeah, they do."

He pauses, looking uncertain. His eyes cloud for a moment and I see worry. I curse at myself for not having worked harder at making sure that the frat boy was still in Alex. Always the cowboy but the college boy had long since left the building.

"Oh," is all he says.

I try to offer him a reassuring smile, for a moment annoyed that he can't see my eyes. It's something I live with everyday. I'll deal. "It does change, Alex..it gets better."

He looks up at me,"I know..everyday.."

I touch his shoulder, "Trust me, Alex..I can't explain..I can spend all day trying but I'll tell you..when that priest says husband and wife..you'll know what Lorna feels like when she's flying. It's the most amazing rush..ever."

He studies me for a long moment. "Ok. I wanna eat."

So we go eat. Just two brothers for once.

Not Cyclops and Havok. Just the Summers boys.

We're not so much alike. He's a cowboy and I'm soldier. But hey, when it comes to women..we're the same. The exact same.

Clueless lucky bastards.

***

"So, where am I going on my honeymoon?" Lorna asked, looking across at her old friend. She was trying to be sly but even she knew that she was failing miserably.

Jean shook her head, "Uh uh. No. He'd kill me."

Lorna sagged into her chair. They were sitting on the patio of a small cafe just north of Central Park. She frowned for a moment and then her eyes lit up. "Jamie. Jamie knows!"

Jean rolled her eyes. "You are incorrigible."

"Says the woman who tried to bribe me to find out where Scott was taking her. Hey kettle.."

"Yeah, yeah," Jean said quickly, a smile across her lips. "So..how are you doing?"

"Fine. Fine," Lorna insisted. Then she sighed. "Okay, I'm worried sick."

"Why?"

"It's Alex. He gets scared and his feet have a really bad habit of starting to move. He won't say it but I think he's scared."

"He is," Jean admitted. "But so are you. So was I. It's scary. It's like no more playing around."

"Yeah," Lorna nodded. "Was never much for playing around. I guess I've always know what I wanted.."

"You and me both. And we got them. We just have to smack them around every now and again. You know..a necessity if you're gonna live with a Summers man."

"God, I'm gonna be a Summers woman," Lorna said, amazement in her voice.

"Have you decided on the whole last name thing yet?"

"No," Lorna admitted, wrinkling her nose. "I'm not quite as lucky as you..I don't have a professional name. Dr. Grey."

"I go by Grey-Summers on my mail," Jean said with a grin. "So Lorna Dane-Summers or Lorna Summers?"

"I don't know. I'm leaning on Dane-Summers..you think he'll mind?"

"Scott never has. I just let him call me Mrs. Summers when he needs a me man, you woman rush," Jean laughed.

Lorna chucked, "Alex has other things he does when he hits that mood. So, okay then..Dane-Summers. That's something at least."

"So, how are you doing on your vows?" Jean asked, glancing down at her orange juice.

"He asked you to ask me that, right?"

"Uh huh," Jean replied.

Lorna sighed, "I knew we should have stayed with the typical vows. It was his idea you know.."

Jean nodded, "I know and don't worry..he'll come through with flying colours. He just needs to stop thinking for a minute."

"Oh great..in order to write his vows, he has to turn off the Summers curse," Lorna laughed. "We're doomed. We're all doomed."

Jean lifted her glass and tapped it against Lorna's, "Truer words, my friend, have never been said."

***

Everyone is asleep and here I am, with fifteen hours to go and I'm still struggling with these words. I glance around the room and see all of the sleeping men. I have to admit, Scotty, Guido and Jamie throw one hell of a bash. Of course if any of them can make it off the ground come morning, I'll be pretty damn surprised.

So anyways, back to the yellow pad. You know I'm dreaming about this tablet of paper in my head. A bit floating pen is always hovering over it. And on it is written her name. Lorna.

Then of course, like in all good nightmares, I get to the bad part; I flash to our wedding when I'm supposed to start speaking and all I keep saying is her name. Over and over.

That's until Jamie's voice somehow comes out of my mouth chanting his latest Cartman impersonation.

You know, I've had a lot of pretty bad nightmares in my life but none of them and I mean none of them come close to this one.

Pen. Paper. Pen. Paper. Come on man. Think. Think. Think.

"Stop thinking," Scott murmurs, moving to sit next to me. He's slurring a bit but he seems steady enough.

I raise an eyebrow, "Makes writing kinda hard."

"Makes it kinda easy, bro. Love isn't using your head or else all of us would have jumped ship long ago. You and I both know it isn't always going to be good times. Jean and I..Alex, man...we fight as much as we make love. Things are good. Hell, they're great but you know...shit happens..and then all you got are your feelings and faith to find a way to make it to the next day so that you can try to make things right."

"Wanna write these for me, Scotty," I joke. Who would have ever thought it..big brother Scott as eloquent as Ororo. What do you know..we do have a poet in the family.

He rises to move towards the bathroom but then he stops. He touches my shoulder, "It's gotta be from your heart, Alex..not your head. Your head says you love her but it's not real unless you feel it."

And then he's stumbling towards the bathroom. He steps over Jamie and I hear several explicit words come from my slumbering teammate.

Feel it. Were it all that easy. I've spent all my life feeling things. And then dealing with the fall-out from them. Now I have to find a way to commit to those feelings.

I stare at the paper for a long moment and then it hits me. You know..like lightening only without the bad hair. I'm going about this all wrong.

I'm trying to find the words to express how much I love her but you know..she already knows that. She knows I live and breathe her. So what then? What about tomorrow?

Yeah, that's where I go.

***


"You look beautiful," Jean said, a large smile across her face. It wasn't so long ago that this had been her. And damn had she felt like she was flying.

Lorna nodded, her nervousness apparent to all of them. She twisted her fingers into knots and then went to stare at herself in the long mirror. "Okay. Okay." Then she stepped across towards the window. "Is he out there yet?"

Ororo reached out for her and took her arm. "Not yet. It's bad luck. It won't be long."

"I know." She looked at Jean. "Is this how you felt?"

"You mean like I'd just downed six Red Bulls in a row?" Jean teased. Lorna frowned and dropped herself into one of the chairs.

"Yes. Hey, you're supposed to me my maid of honor...you know supportive."

"She is being," Rahne Sinclair said, smiling at her teammate. Rahne was the youngest person in the room but the electric atmosphere wasn't lost on the young girl. It wasn't so long ago that she herself had thought that she had been in love with Alex Summers. Turned out it was just one hell of a mind-fuck courtesy of Genosha. "He's going to drop dead when he sees you."

Lorna blinked and then looked at Jean with alarm in her eyes, "I don't want that."

Jean chuckled, "It's a joke, hon. Calm down."

"Calm, me, calm."

"Okay, here we go," the mutant known as Rogue said as she entered the room. She was holding a metal flask in her hands. "Whiskey, courtesy of Logan. Drink up."

Jean reached out for the flask and unscrewed the top. She took a deep swig from it and then passed it to Val Cooper. Lorna immediately took it away.

"I prefer my bridesmaids standing," she teased. Cooper through her a look but laughed.

And then, just like that, the air seemed to calm.

Jean placed a hand on Lorna's arm. "You about ready?"

"Yes. No. Yes?"

Jean nodded, "Yes. You're ready."

Lorna took a deep breath and then let it slowly. "Yeah, okay I am."

Jean leaned across and whispered in her friends' ear, "Relax..it's one hell of a ride." Then she pointed to the flask in Lorna's hand. "Drink."

***

His eyes are closed when I enter the kitchen. He has his head against the counter. "Alex? Alex? It's time."

He looks up at me and smiled. I can tell that he hasn't slept. Under his hand is a piece of yellow legal paper with black letters scrawled across it. His vows. Knowing Alex he was up all night trying to memorize them. I would have.

"Hey Scott?" he asked, looking up at me. Kinda like a little brother does. Good thing I'm okay with that. It actually feels good.

"Yeah," I say, stepping over to him. I start to fix his tie. It's obvious that Lorna usually does this.

"Do you ever have regrets? At all I mean?"

"About life, sure," I say. Then I shake my head, "About Jean, never. There's enough inside of me that just knows that I don't work without her." I step back to look at my work and smile. What can I say..I'm good with ties. "I know you're scared, bro..but you can't even imagine.."

"That's what I'm scared of.."

"You didn't used to be," I comment.

"No," he admits. "Things change."

"Yeah," I agree. "But they don't..they're always there. Whether we deserve them or not. I've let too many things go..I've lost too many times..but I finally broke even and then some with Jean."

"Got it," Alex says.

I touch his arm. "Your turn, little brother. And you deserve it."

I look out the window and see Jean motioning wildly to me. It's time to get this show on the ride. "Now get your ass up and move it. There's a beautiful woman who just want to walk into your arms."

Alex smiles at me. He looks shy and boyish. I remember that look. I had it on my face almost a year ago. He places the yellow paper against his forehead for a moment and then lets out a breath.

And then he moved towards the courtyard where everything is set up. Where I was married last year. I smile at my brother.

Every now and again, things do work out. We do win a few.

I look out the window again and see Jean slipping back into the bridal room. Her red hair is flowing behind her and she's trying desperately to get it pulled up. Damn is she beautiful. I grin.

I've won more than a few.

-FIN