A/N: God please forgive me for the things I am going to say! Sorry, read on :)

I'm not who everyone thinks I am. Yes, I am Clare Edwards, but Saint Clare? Never. I have you all fooled its crazy how I'm that great of an actress. No really, I should audition for a movie you know why? I'm no saint. Christian? Nope, I am atheist. Please, you expect me to believe that this spirit dude just magically appeared out of nowhere and made earth in 5 days? Purity ring? I haven't needed since the day I turned 10. I guess you can call me a slut I slept with 9 different guys in one week. Oh, and the feeling was great when the guys weren't completely high off their minds. Jesus Club? Those freaks are such losers, like come on who is going to believe the whole "Jesus is always there for you" crap? Best believe I don't.

To me guys were just a number. The 1st, 2nd, 3rd or maybe 50th guy I have ever been with. When I was starting my sophomore year of High School I decided that it was time to let go of the "Saint Clare" charade. Then Eli came along and I was afraid if he saw the "real" me there would be no chance he would even look at me. He would be disgusted by my presence because Eli is just that type of guy. He likes good girls like the Clare I made everyone believe. Sometimes I envy her why can't I be more like her? And not just a disappointment to my family because they are the only ones who know who I really am including Ali of course.

Eli and I are very much alike, but of course he wouldn't know. I do dress goth style when I'm not being St. Care which is mostly 8 hours of the day. I love dead hand I was very upset when Eli went to the concert and he didn't take me because the Clare he knew hates dead hand. I have black long mane, but I wear the Shirly Temple wig to get into character. Those dumb Granny clothes shall be the end of my life, I get them from my mom's closet. I have done so well in hiding myself, huh? I wish I didn't have to.

When Eli was at the hospital I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to be with him more than ever. I wanted to hold him and tell him that I love him and everything will be alright as long as we were together, but I couldn't. That night I decided to show him the Clare I know he will never come to love I did that by leaving him alone. That's who I was, that's who I am. I left because he loves Saint Clare, not me.

A/N: thank you guys so much for reading. This was a bit short, I am terribly sorry. This was just an idea of mine that I kind of wish happened in the show. I have poll on my profile you should check it out! Please, feel free to click that SEXY REVIEW BUTTON and well review. Thanks!

~Blackbowtielily