Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama, which belongs to the ingenious Hideaki Sorachi. I am simply writing a fan fiction.

Title: Torture Days

Summary: Kondo feels that Hijikata and Okita's recent fights have caused inconvenient consequences, so the two are punished Death Note style. Hijikata and Okita must overcome this torture and defeat the troublesome chain that binds their wrists.

Rating: T

Pairing: Hijikata x Okita. Yes, this is a shounen-ai story.

Chapter 1

Just like people, many animes are connected in some way.

BOOM! The sound of smashing glass and the smell of burning metal are heaven to my senses. Hmm…perhaps Hijikata is blown to smithereens now, and I can replace his position as vice-commander of the Shinsengumi. I can see it now. After everyone finishes mourning Hijikata's "accidental" death, I will further satisfy my sadistic pleasures by aiming a sparkling giant bazooka at—

"Oi, Sougo, just what are you up to now? It's too early in the morning for a ruckus and I needed that vending machine to get a granola bar for my mayonnaise," Hijikata coolly tells me, but even though he is trying to seem nonchalant, I can tell that he's irritated by the cross-like sign on his left eyebrow.

"I only wanted to open the vending machine for Hijikata-san since it seemed that he could not find any yen," I calmly lie to him.

"You brat! We both know that's a lie! I was about to grab my money out of my pocket before you launched that thing!" He points to my precious bazooka and attempts to punch me, but I rapidly dodge his specially made knuckle sandwich before his fist even touches my uniform.

"Toshi! Sougo! What happened to this vending machine?!" Fortunately Kondo-san has come to cease Hijikata's unnecessary rampage.

"Kondo-san! Hijikata-san was bullying me. He even tried to slash me into pieces with his katana, but he slashed the vending machine instead when I dodged his blows," I whine pretending to be the victim. I glance at an infuriated Hijikata, whose jaws appear to be dropped to the ground.

"Toshi! How could you?! Do you know how much that vending machine was?! Forty-five thousand yen!" Kondo seizes Hijikata by the shoulders and shakes him as tears spurt from his eyes.

"But it wasn't me!! It was the King from Planet Sadist and his bazooka! I was only trying to get a snack to eat with my mayo!" Hijikata yells with bursting anger.

Kondo-san stares at me, and I offer him an innocent gaze to detract suspicions. Then, he switches his eyes to Hijikata, whose gaze glowed with determination. Kondo sighs. He doesn't know who to believe. I suddenly hear the birds' chirping with more clarity because of the silence between us. Oh, how I desire to launch my bazooka to silence those birds.

"So how are we going to come up with forty-five thousand yen?" Hijikata chooses to break the awkward silence.

"We could sell Hijikata-san, and we would only have to earn forty-four thousand, nine-hundred ninety-nine yen," I suggest with a stoic demeanor.

"Why you—" Hijikata clenches his fists and prepares to punch me again.

"Hijikata-san, I'm complimenting you," I quickly state before he raises his hand.

"How?" He questions with confusion and indignation.

"Unlike other products of low quality, Hijikata-san has the possibility of being purchased for one yen, albeit that chance is only twenty percent," I explain to him as if this was truly a good thing.

"Sadistic idiot! You can't even tell the difference between a compliment and an insult!" I dodge Hijikata's fists and feet as he continuously attempts to maim me.

"I've got it! We will have Yamazaki win this week's Badminton Tournament! I think the prize is over fifty-thousand yen!" Kondo suddenly remarks from his—huh, I was not expecting this—deep thinking.

11:33 A.M.

I feel a throbbing pain on my forehead; I think someone might have attempted to injure my head while I was sleeping. I quickly remove my mask and realize that Hijikata has intruded my slumber again. I avenge myself by kicking the dreamland-disrupting mayonnaise addict. His loud scream of "Brat!" is music to my ears. Ah, the pleasure of torture! Thud. Crack. It sounds as if something broke when Hijikata landed on the floor.

"Shit! Yamazaki's racket! What are we going to do?! The tournament is at twelve!" Hijikata anxiously looks around. It seems that he's hoping that another racket will somehow emerge. Or maybe he's looking for a time machine?

"Hijikata-san, whatever happens…," I dramatically begin with my hand on his shoulder. "It's your fault."

"WHAT?!" he exclaims and I dash towards Kondo's room. I slide the door open and kneel on the room's mat.

"I am sorry to interrupt you Kondo-san, but Hijikata-san has damaged Yamazaki's racket," I politely inform him with my eyes on the floor. I can sense Hijikata-san's aura near me. So he has finally reached the room. I take a quick glance at him; it seems that Hijikata is burning with rage.

"That's alright," Kondo assures, "Yamazaki suggested that I get an extra racket just in case something like this happens. Gin, Shinpachi, and Kagura have offered to buy me a racket in exchange for a few yen. Here they come."

The trio enters Kondo's room.

"Here's the racket, Gorilla-san." Boss hands Kondo the racket.

"Thank you, Yamazaki was right. We need this racket since the original one broke," Kondo explains to the Yorozuya. I turn towards Hijikata. His expression says "We need to leave now before Kondo-san punishes us." I silently agree with him and stand up to leave the room.

"Sougo, Toshi, wait, don't leave yet," Kondo commands as he embraces us so tightly that I thought I was being crushed to death by King Kong.

"What is happening to you two?! Your daily fights are causing damage everywhere! Normally, I wouldn't mind, but your routine is burdening the Shinsengumi! We now not only have to earn forty-five thousand yen, but also, you've ruined Yamazaki's favorite racket!" Kondo dramatically cries as he spins around in circles still hugging and unintentionally crushing us.

"Gorilla-san, I have an idea," Kagura suddenly declares causing Hijikata and me to be dropped on the floor from his suffocating arms. All eyes are immediately diverted to China, who is now crouching on the mat wearing a black messy wig, a baggy sweater, and loose blue jeans. And is that eye shadow on her face?

"Kagura-san, why are you wearing those clothes? No…how the hell did you get those clothes?!" Shinpachi questions but we immediately choose to ignore him because we are more interested in Kagura's idea.

"Why don't we chain Hijikata and Sougo together so they can learn about the lesson of teamwork and trust? Sure they would probably fight each other while they're enchained, but Hijikata can watch Sougo and Sougo can watch Hijikata, right?" Kagura proudly offers her revolting idea. "Who knows? They might even be friends just like in that manga. Ne Gin-san?"

"Yes. Here are the handcuffs," Boss hands the heinous metallic object to Kondo, "and here is a black notebook. Courtesy of Gintama and Death Note fans. They bought it from eBay."

"What a fantastic idea! But let's add a little rule. Toshi, Sougo, you are not allowed to use any sort of weapon against each other. Doing so will lengthen the time you are chained to each other." As Kondo chains me to the despicable Hijikata for a lengthy period of irritation and torment, one question remains. It is the one question that will determine if I will at least have a strand of hope during this torture.

"Will the notebook actually kill the people whose names are written on it?" Shinpachi asks the question.

"No."

Not a shred of hope is left.


Author's notes:

Dear Reader,

If you're reading this note, I'm assuming that you have finished reading the first chapter of my first fan fiction. I hope that I did not damage your eyes and your mind too much. If I did, I'll try to get you one of those glass eyes because I'm too poor to buy a real eye. LOL! That totally sounded odd!

Sincerely,

Snow Cover