So, I should be in bed considering I have class tomorrow...but whatever. I got this idea last night and well I just had to write it. I will be updating other stories sometime tomorrow so if y'all read those, there should be an update tomorrow...
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
Bella and I were walking along the beach. I was so glad that she knew of my secret. Just being able to be with her again was a wonderful feeling. I didn't have to hide anything from her anymore and I know she was glad to see me to. I had her hand in mine and it was easy. I was so in love with this girl but my pack mates told me that she wasn't for me. That there was someone out there that was my perfect girl. But that didn't make any sense to me. If Bella wasn't the one then why did I feel the way I did? Why did my giant hand and her tiny one fit perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle? It didn't make any sense to me. She was the most important thing to me. Screw imprinting. I wouldn't imprint. The spirits must have messed up and forgot to make Bella my imprint. I know what's best for me and that's Bella. She's like coming home.
"What's wrong, Jake?"
"Nothing, Bells. Just have a lot on my mind lately. I'm glad I can see you again."
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?
"I missed you Jake. It was hell not seeing you. I missed us."
"I missed you too, honey…so much."
She felt the same way about me. I know she did. She might not be ready to admit it yet, but I know she loves me. I don't know if I would be able to deal with this wolf thing if I didn't have her. When I first found out, all I wanted to do was run and have her hold me and tell me it would be okay. Then, Sam did the whole Alpha command that told me I wasn't allowed to see her. I was beyond mad. I tried. I really did because I didn't want to hurt her like Sam hurt Emily, but when she came that day and I saw her face, I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't stay away from her. It was too much.
"What do you want to do tonight? Or do you have to patrol?"
"I'm free. I patrolled this morning."
"Oh. Then you need to sleep."
Like I would sleep when my Bella wanted to do something.
I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
"Bella, you're here. Why would I sleep when I can spend some much needed time with my best friend?"
She giggled and blushed and shrugged her shoulders.
"Fine. But you have to promise me that you'll try to rest some," she said giving in.
I knew she would. Bella really wanted to spend time with me. I was the only one who understood her and what she went through with the leech.
"Sure, sure. So, there's a movie playing in Port Angeles. We could go check it out."
"Remember the last movie we went to?"
I did. It was the night I turned into a wolf. The thing with Mike just sent me over the edge.
"I guess you're right."
"How about we just pick a movie from my collection and order a pizza. Let's do it at my place. Your place has too many freakishly big boys coming in and out."
I was thrilled that she wanted to spend some time alone.
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
We finally made it back to her house and she was putting the pizza on plates. The view of her doing something like that made me thinking of being with her forever. I know, she had done it before, but Charlie had always been around. This time, it was just her and me. It painted a picture of domestic bliss for me. If everything turned out the way I wanted, I would have her for the rest of my life. I don't think I could make it if I didn't have her.
"Here Jake."
She handed me a plate stacked with pizza. She knew my knew wolf appetite well. It had been about a week since she had found out about the darker side of me. She took it a lot better than I anticipated. Being away from her literally killed me inside.
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
When she first came to see me, I had run from her. I ran because I was supposed to break things off with her. I also ran because I didn't understand why I hadn't imprinted. If we were not meant to be then why did my heart yearn to be close to her all the time? Why did I always want to hold her and comfort her and kiss her? I want to stay in her arms for the rest of my life. She felt like everything good in the world. She was perfect.
She sat down on the couch beside me and put on a movie. It was "She's the Man" which I had seen a thousand times with Bella. She thought it was hilarious how Amanda Bynes dresses up like a boy and everyone believes she is but in reality she looks like a girl in a costume. I loved the way her eyes lit up every time she laughed over something in the movie. It was amazing.
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
After I had told her that I didn't want to be friends anymore, I went straight to my room and cried. I know, it makes me seem like a total wimp, but I couldn't help it. It was then that I decided to figure out a loop hole around Sam's orders. And I did and she realized what was going on and it was okay. She wasn't scared of me and still wanted to be around me. It was amazing. And thank God that I could finally be around her because I was getting on the pack's nerves. Her name was always in my head.
It was at the very moment that I was deep in thought that she leaned her head on my shoulder. Best feeling ever. I put my arm around her waist and she snuggled in closer. I had to make this work between us. No matter what anyone said, I just know she's meant to be with me.
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
Before I got her back, being away from her made me feel like I was in a depression. Which, I guess in some ways I was. There were so many times Paul wanted to fight me because of my constant thoughts of Bella. Embry tried to understand where I was coming from, but even he got tired of my train of thoughts. There were times when Sam ordered me home because I was distracting them.
"Jake?"
"Yeah, honey?"
"Where is your head?"
"On my neck…" I said, trying to make a joke.
She rolled her eyes before answering me, "You know what I meant."
"I don't know. Just thinking about how horrible it was to be away from you."
"I called you. A lot. I think Billy got tired of my voice."
"Yeah, I know you did. I wanted to answer the phone. I wanted to go to you so bad. I just couldn't. The guys hated patrolling with me. All I ever thought about was how miserable I was without you."
"I was pretty miserable without you, too. I just didn't understand. I thought you had left me…like he did."
"I will never do that to you. Understand?"
"I do."
Ugh…when she said that, my mind instantly went to her saying it at our wedding. Her in a beautiful white dress and me in a tux, the whole pack and our families surrounding us. It was a great vision.
"Good. Don't ever forget it or doubt it. Okay? I will always be here, even when you want me to leave."
"I'll never want you to leave," she whispered, turning her head into my chest.
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
Her words shot tingles through my body. She had to be the one for me. There is no way she couldn't be.
We continued to watch the movie. It was at the part where Duke thinks Sebastian (aka Viola) is making out with the girl he likes, Olivia. When in reality it's the real Sebastian. It's a very confusing movie and I was totally confused when I first watched it. Bella told me it's based on a play by Shakespeare. Who would have thought? Today was just a simple hang out to Bella, but to me it was everything. Just being able to be with her was a dream come true. I wish she would just realize she loved me as more than a friend.
And I wish you could be the one I die with And I pray that you're the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life
I wanted to be with her until the day I die. I wanted to get married, have kids and build a home with her. I wanted to be able to love her completely. It's all I've thought about since she came to me with the motorcycles. However, at the time, I was focused solely on fixing her. Now, I wanted so much more.
"Jake. The movie is over. Want to watch something else? Or what?"
"Can I just hold you?"
"Yes. I just think it means something more to you."
"Bells, one day you are going to realize you love me too."
"I do love you, Jake. I'm just broken."
"Then it's a good thing I am good at fixing things," I said with a smirk in her direction. When was she going to get it? I am not giving up on her.
"Maybe I can be fixed. Don't waste your time with me."
"Bells, it's not a waste of time. You're the most important thing. Okay?"
"Okay. Thanks."
"For what?"
"For not giving up. Maybe I just want someone to not give up on me."
"Never."
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
"Jake, I don't want to run from you. But I'm scared. I don't want to get hurt again. And I don't want to hurt you. What if I honestly cannot be fixed? What if I can't return your feelings?"
"I'm not going to give up, Bella. We should be together. If monsters and magic didn't exist, it would be natural for us. Like breathing, ya know? We would have been together then, so why not now?"
"Just hold me, Jake."
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong That it takes my breath away
And I did. I missed her. I missed just being able to hold her and be with her. I missed hanging in the garage. I missed drinking hot soda. But I had her back again and I was not about to let go. This feeling is the best. It takes my breath away and I wouldn't have it any other way. She softly kissed my chest and I know she could feel my heart speed up. I could hear hers. We could be crossing a line and I don't know if she is ready for that yet. I was willing to wait for as long as she was.
"Bells, honey, I love you with everything that I am. I will not give up on you and I will wait for as long as it takes.
And I breathe you into my heart And I pray for the strength to stand today
"I know you will," she whispered.
"And I don't expect anything today."
"But what if-"
"Can you honestly tell me that you are ready to start something with me?"
"Maybe. I think so."
"Not good enough. I need you to be completely ready, honey."
And it was true. I wish she was ready. I wish I could be a normal hormonal boy that just lets it happen, but I have more respect for Bella than that. I want to be with her forever and that's not the way you go about that. I needed to let her know that it wasn't just about the physical aspect, it was about her heart and her soul.
"You're right, Jake, like always. Sometimes I just want to let go."
"And I will let you when you are ready. I'm very persistent as well as patient."
Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right And though I can't be with you tonight Know my heart is by your side
Bella exhaled and relaxed into me. I happened to look at the time and realized that I needed to get going. Not only that, her leaning into me the way she was, I was going to do something that we both might regret come tomorrow. Namely kiss her on the lips.
"Honey, I need to go. But I will call you tomorrow, okay?"
"Stay with me tonight?"
"I have patrol. Another time?"
"Sure, sure. I'm sorry Jake."
"No need to be. Charlie will be home soon. Tell him 'hi' for me."
"Okay. I need to make dinner then. Will I see you tomorrow?"
"Nothing could keep me from it."
"Good."
"Bye, Bells."
"Bye, Jake."
I leaned over and kissed her forehead and she seemed to lean into my lips. Maybe this could work out after all. And then I left out the door.
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Hope you liked it. I loved writing it. Reviews would be loved!
