Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion... Nor do any of you... but if you do, can I have it???
Note: Your IQ will most likely drop a few points with each letter you read. You have been warned...
EVA 01's Tale
Chapter 1
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My life was simple and easy. No problems here. Just sitting collecting dust, knowing all the secrets of man. It was smooth sailing. The occasional Gendou stopping to stare at me, I wish my hands could have moved then, I would have taken his glasses then played monkey in the middle with him, him the monkey and my hands tossing the glasses back and forth. Oh how he would jump, and oh how I would laugh.
Sometimes while collecting dust a sang the song 'Material Girl' by Madonna. Something I want to be, but oh no, I have to be the key to the final evolution to man! Life sucks.
I have already told you my life was smooth sailing, and oh it was, no denying that. It was, until that stupid Shinji Ikari came. Oh how would whine and cry. I wanted to smack him up side the head, but I always reminded myself, 'No, he is my son.' have to remain calm, but I never could, like when we were fighting that God forsaken 3rd Angel. I wanted him to punch the Angel, but he falls down instead. Our sync-ratio was 40%, yeah well, the Sync-Ratio can bite my giant robotic ass! You know what the Angel did to me, it cracked my beautiful face. Fortunately I had PMDD so I ran up and beat the shit out of that dumb Angel. Boy that felt good, but then when I collapsed cause of that stupid Shinji, he scream and cry and whine and may I remind he was doing this in my head I wanted to tear my arm off and beat myself with it.
Then a few days later another funny looking little Angel with funny tentacles arm, I wanted to play jump rope, but oh know. Nerv takes my fun away and commands me to destroy the dumb thing. So I do. Bam bam boom boom. Then I stumble and fall, and then that STUPID Shinji brings two more whiny boys into the room. Oh how they scream and whine and shout. It makes me want to rip open the entry tube and blow it up with my giant machine gun. But alas, I cannot. So we beat that stupid Angel up without much incident.
Later, Shinji gets yelled and I laugh the big Eva laugh that I do.
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A/N: Lots of character bashing ahead.... lots of humor as well...
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