Title: Of Monsters and Men
Author: Juliet DeMarcus
Spoilers: Up to and including "Hell's Bells"
Summary: Two days after Anya and Xander's almost-wedding, Halfrek gets the opportunity she's been waiting for ... to perform some major vengeance or, justice as she calls it, on Xander, Buffy and Willow. Spike must come face to face with a part of his past he would rather forget.
Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" sadly does not belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox and UPN...(did I cover all of them?), so let's not dwell on it, okay? Or I'm going to get upset. At least the story is mine.
Rating: R - Just to be safe for all chapters.
Feedback: Yes, please! Just be a little bit gentle with me, this is my first posting.
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The wedding was over. And it had become the nightmare that seemed now a dark cloud over all of them. Anya was at the apartment. They could hear her inside, but she would not respond to their calls other than crying out from time to time, "Go away! Go away and leave me alone like he did. I don't want any of you!" She sounded as if she'd been crying since Xander had walked out the doors of the Sunnydale Bison Lodge and left her to walk up the aisle, alone.

They had all tried to talk to her, outside the door to what had been the home of the formerly happy couple. Each of them remembering how good things had been for them together in that place before the wedding, before everything had fallen into that huge hole in the ground that seemed to swallow and consume all relationships on the Hellmouth.

Why was it that it had to end so badly? Wouldn't it have been better had they never decided to get married in the first place? Then they would still be happy, laughing and, of course, having sex in that very apartment where now sat only Anya, crying and yelling at those who approached the door to try to coax her out. It just didn't make sense. Wasn't getting married supposed to be a good thing for a couple who was happy and in love and had everything going for them. Good jobs with good incomes, a lovely apartment, friends who loved them. They had survived an apocalypse together! What had caused this breakdown? Why had Xander turned away? No one knew the answer to that.


So each of them tried in vain to talk Anya out, telling her that it would be okay in the end, she'd see. They all told her that Xander still loved her and that she needed to come out and talk to them about what had happened...that she would feel better if she did. They said everything they could think of. Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Tara had all been by, but she never even came close to letting any one of them in. She only cried and screamed. They had finally decided to leave her alone. Only she would decide when she wanted to come out again. Willow had gone around town looking for her best friend, the runaway groom, but Xander too seemed to have disappeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I wonder if he left town," Dawn spoke quietly over breakfast with Willow and Buffy the second morning after the nightmare that had almost been the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Xander Harris.

The doom and gloom was still hanging over each of them in the kitchen as Willow made pancakes and dished them out to Buffy and Dawn. Nothing was said for minutes.

"He's probably still in town... You know, laying low. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to be anywhere within range of Anya right now. I mean, she's probably...well,... we know she's still pretty upset with him." Buffy looked to Willow for confirmation of her thoughts.

After all Buffy had only known Xander since high school, even though he was like a brother to her. Willow had known Xander since they were babies...she had been in love with him for years. Right now Willow wore a stressed and worried expression, the same one she had worn since the wedding fiasco, as she considered what to say.
"I don't know, Buffy. I mean, I would understand him being afraid to face Anya...Hello? Ex-vengeance demon stood up at her own wedding...not too good a thing to face...but, to avoid me and you and all of us? I mean...he's *never* avoided me before. When something was wrong we'd talk about it. I mean I thought he would always tell me everything."

No one said anything and Willow's voice left a heavy sadness in the air around her. Finally after picking at her pancake with her fork until it no longer really resembled a pancake she spoke again, her voice low, trying to disguise the guilt and hurt it contained.. "I guess he hasn't been telling me everything for awhile now." Buffy looked up into her friend's eyes to see them glassy with unshed tears.

"Willow, you can't think that this is yo--"

"I am his best friend, Buffy! At least...I was. I always have been. We were drooling infants together and kids fighting over dolls, although Xander probably wouldn't want me talking about that...but, I was supposed to be there for him. He's always been there for me. And here I've been so distracted with my magic and trying to win Tara back and so self-absorbed that I didn't even see what was going on. If I had even thought to ask maybe he would've told me and we could've solved this before...well before everything went so *bad*."

"None of us saw it," Dawn interjected again in her quiet tone, trying to help Willow deal with her guilt. She had been guilty enough over the past months with first betraying Tara's trust by casting a spell on her and then knowing that her magic addiction had almost led to Dawn's death.


Dawn, for her part felt beat up inside. Let down in life. All around her there were people whose hearts were silently breaking. Buffy had not been the same since she'd come back from heaven...and really who could blame her? Plus, with their mother being gone and Giles being gone and Riley being gone until recently when he had returned with a perfect wife...then left again, after showing Buffy how happy he was without her. Not to mention the dreaded Double Meat Palace lifestyle! Dawn could hardly look at her sister sometimes, when the misery and loneliness just shone out of her eyes like a reverse light. A dark beacon crying out to everyone: 'why did you bring me back? Couldn't you know I was happy and just let me go? I'll never be happy again...'


Then there was Willow. Losing Tara and being unable to practice magic, something she had worked so hard at for so long. It had been Willow's dream to become a powerful Wicca and now that was gone forever...to try to take up that dream again could very possibly mean the end of her existence. Spike seemed miserable though not quite as much so as when Buffy was dead... He still had to deal with the fact Buffy refused to ever love him as he loved her. He had avoided all of them more and more lately. Then he even brought that skank to the wedding... Ugh!


And as for Dawn herself? She had dealt with the loss of her mother, the death of her sister and then the resurrection of her sister from heaven in which their life became even more complicated than before, something she would have never thought possible. Having to know that Buffy would have been happier where she was than there with her was just one of the aches that daily burned inside of Dawn's heart.

The knowledge that she had not existed until less than two years ago as human and was formerly a ball of cosmic energy, not really the daughter of Joyce Summers, sister of Buffy Summers, still daily weighed on her mind as well. Sometimes she thought she would never completely get over that fact. How could she? Knowing her life was something someone just made up...

She had no real friends, other than Spike and he hadn't been spending any more time with her recently than Buffy had. She often felt alone, trapped in darkness, and at the root of it she wondered if she herself was the reason for so much of this unhappiness...

After all if Willow hadn't gone so overboard to fight Glory, especially after what Glory did to Tara... She probably would never have gotten addicted to magic, lost control and had to give it up forever. And if Buffy had not fought Glory she wouldn't have died in the first place...

Maybe even her mom would still be alive if she hadn't been so stressed about her youngest daughter who turned out to be some 'key' that was endangered by a hellgod that even her sister the slayer couldn't fight. 'It must've been so hard for mom...so painful. Knowing Buffy could die... And it's all my fault...' Dawn kept these thoughts to herself, knowing those around them would argue against them, but not knowing if they would really mean the things they said to her. She hated dwelling on the unhappiness around her that she felt certain, all had something to do with her.


But Xander and Anya, they were happy. They had not been scarred in any way by Dawn's existence, much to her relief. They had lit up the lives of those around them with their laughter and their silly jokes and outrageous conversations. Their love had been a beacon shining out to the rest of them as they had each walked in darkness, alone.

As Buffy had said they were the light at the end of the tunnel. Something they could all look forward to, finding someone and loving them and being loved in return, spending the rest of your lives together. Knowing that person trusted and understood you better than anyone and would always be there for you. That is until faced with 'til death do us part.'


Dawn was like Willow, she wanted to be mad at Xander, knew she had every reason to, but she couldn't. All she could do was feel sorry for both of them. They were all miserable now.

There would be no more laughter at Anya and Xander's strange conversations, no more inappropriate sex talk, no more watching the way he looked at her when she fell asleep on his shoulder, no more watching them dance and sing at the Bronze like crazy people, not caring what anyone thought.

It all seemed so grim, for each and every one of them. Because if two people who were once so happy couldn't make it...how could any of the rest of them?


Buffy, Willow and Dawn were all just sitting there now, staring at their uneaten breakfasts, in Willow's case, what was left of her breakfast after she had nervously attacked it with her fork. None of them had taken more than three bites, worried for their friends and wondering about the future that lay ahead of them all.

Dawn spoke again trying to raise the morale of the table as well as her own spirits with a desperate attempt at optimism.

"Maybe they'll get back together. Maybe, he'll go to her and explain why he did it. I mean maybe it was a good reason...that she can understand. And they'll just end up waiting a while longer to get hitched that's all."

Buffy looked at Dawn's hopeful expression and smiled, but as usual the smile never reached her eyes.
"I'm sure you're right, Dawnie...I'm sure you're right." Shaking her head yes and trying to believe the words by repeating them.

Dawn just looked down to her plate of funny shaped pancakes, it was easier than looking at the two sitting with her at the table. Easier than looking at anyone now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anya sat wearing the white negligee she had picked out for their wedding night, on the bed that Xander and she had shared since they got their apartment together. But for the last two nights it had just been her, crying herself to sleep.

Their wedding night had never come. She was sick and tired of crying. In fact, she had never been so sick and tired of anything in her life but she found just couldn't stop. It was as if her mind held no power over the endless spring of tears coming from her eyes. As if her mind could not control the pain of her heart.

'Xander left me. Xander left me. Xander left me at the alter on our wedding day. Xander left...' The thoughts repeated relentlessly in her mind and she could no longer even sob.

Her body was too weak and the tears simply streamed silently down her face as she sat there staring at a picture of Xander holding her in his arms, their heads leaning together, touching, both of them smiling as if they'd never been happier. Such promise in those smiles. Promise forever lost. It was the only framed picture of them in the apartment that she had not already smashed. And she just couldn't do it, not this last one.

"Xander...," she whispered his name longingly to the inanimate image of him in the picture. Waiting in sadness and the last dying embers of hope to hear him speak back to her, reassuring her it had all been a bad dream, nothing more.


Suddenly Anya heard a sound breaking the silence of the room. It was not Xander, she knew. The sound was of energy and wind. Anya looked over to her side and next to the bed stood Halfrek. She had a look of pity on her face that instantly gave Anya the strength to sob again.

She crawled over to the edge of the bed, as Halfrek took in the sight of the untended wound on her arm and the mascara tracks down her blotchy face, her red eyes with darkened circles underneath.


Halfrek looked at her sadly, seemingly feeling her pain despite any harsh words that had passed between the two when she had granted Dawn's wish and locked Anya, Xander, Buffy and the others inside Buffy's house on her birthday. Her voice filled with sympathy as she looked at the former vengeance demon's sad condition.

"Anyanka,...what has he done to you?" Anya's chin quivered pathetically as she looked up into the eyes of Halfrek and saw reflected in them the awful mess that she had become.

"Oh Hallie! He left me, Xander left me!" Anya cried, falling into Halfrek's arms desperately. "I should've listened to you. I never should have agreed to marry him anyway! I was so stupid and now I...hurt...so...much."

Her breath was shuddering. Halfrek put her arms around her and stroked her hair gently.

"You haven't even slept since," Halfrek spoke to herself softly, amazed to see Anyanka this way. She had been surprised when she'd found Anyanka, the great vengeance demon who had 'a thing' for men who did not live up to their engagements, was getting married herself.

She had a bad feeling about it from the first moment she'd realized what Anyanka meant to do. But she couldn't say honestly she had expected things to go so wrong, in the way that Anyanka had reacted to it. She seemed utterly broken.

"No, I can't...I can't do anything! All I can do is cry and think of Xander and cry some more and I hate- I HATE this!"

"I'm so sorry, Anyanka." Anya made a whimpering sound at Halfrek's words, that reminded her of an injured animal or perhaps an injured child. "You were too good for him you know," she continued softly. "Much too good. In your prime you would have seen that early on and put him down. He deserves to be punished for what he's done to you! I mean look at you...you're a mess!"


"Thanks." Anya said bitterly as she pulled away from Halfrek abruptly and walked over to the chair that her wedding dress and veil where carefully laid over. She just stood there in the dark, staring as if frozen by the image before her.

Halfrek sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She tilted her head to the side as she studied Anya's form that stood so still staring at the immaculate wedding garments. Then Anya reached out and tenderly ran her fingers over the light, wavy material of her wedding veil.

Things were quiet a few more moments while Halfrek considered how she should bring up D'Hoffrin's offer that she knew had been made. Anya was in too much of a state, yet in true vengeance demon style she decided on the direct approach.

"Have you thought about D'Hoffrin's offer, to come back and be one of us? One of the powerful, the immortal, who makes life for miserable slime like Xander Harris a living hell. It's what you wanted for so long isn't it?"

"He told you that?," she asked in a small voice sounding all the world to Halfrek like a little girl, this made her want to help her former sister of vengeance even more zealously.

"He told me that once your powers were revoked that you tried desperately to get them back, even getting that friend of the Harris boy to help you cast a spell...but it all came to nothing. And finally you settled on this." She motioned to the surrounding interior of the bedroom as Anya turned to face her and saw Hallie's look of disdain. "Domestic bliss. You know as well as I do Anyanka, that you were not meant for this menial existence. You were a goddess as you were! Hundreds of thousands trembled at the very mention of your name! Don't you remember what it was like?"

"I remember it was...nice. Not painful. There was no pain. I never even knew feeling like this was possible for me back then." Anya's eyes were focused on some faraway point beyond the bedroom's ceiling and walls, to a time and place where she could not be touched by Xander, or by any man, a time when her name was Anyanka, the great and powerful who brought vengeance to thousands upon thousands of the worthless men who spent their time breaking women's hearts. And she was worshipped for it, loved for it, and they had needed her. Again and again they had needed her. 'But who needs me now?,' her mind whimpered.


"You could forget that it is possible again," Halfrek responded. "Wouldn't you like to go back to that. To your purpose, to your power, where you'd feel no more pain for this bug of man. Where you could squash him, like that pathetic insect he is!"

But tears sprung fresh into Anya's still red eyes at the thought of harming Xander, as much as her anger tried to overtake her...she couldn't even conceive of it. However, she didn't say this to Hallie. She didn't want to look even weaker than she already did. Even more like a fool, than she had already proved herself to be.
"I could never forget what this is like," Anya whispered.

"You could with time. And you would have all the time in the world. And once you got back to your calling you would find Xander Harris a matter much faster resolved than you imagine right now. With all those humans calling out for your justice. To have the power again, the glory. And none of the pain. The pain would be just a distant memory, ever-dwindling..."

The thoughts of being the all-powerful vengeance demon she once was, untouched by human feeling and emotion, death and sadness ... rejection ... all the things she had experienced since she had been turned back to humanity, gave her the strength for the first time since it had all happened to push back the tears as they threatened to overtake her.

"I just don't know, Hallie. I have to... I have to have some time to think about it. I already asked D'Hoffrin... He said the offer would still stand." Hallie nodded in silent understanding.

"So you are considering it. I'm glad." Hallie looked satisfied for the moment. But then she spoke again, looking hopeful. "I have another thing for you to consider..."


Anya looked up at Halfrek, waiting for her to continue.
"How would you like me to punish Xander Harris in the meantime, for what he's done to you. I mean, I'm sure even once you are restored to your powers, you wouldn't want to deal with him again... And why should you? He isn't even worth your time. Why not just let me eliminate him?" Anya swallowed the lump in her throat at Halfrek's words. Eliminate him. Oh God, Xander...
"I can't."
"Anyanka, *you* don't have to," she spoke very gently now, as if she were addressing a child. Walking up to her and putting her hand gently on Anya's shoulder she continued her case. "He did you very wrong. Everyone knows that. Even I can see that and wish to punish him, even though...as you've... correctly stated...I do concentrate more on,...unfit parents." She admitted this quietly with some guilt and difficulty but then plowed on after a moment of contemplation. "It makes me burn with anger to see how he's treated you! You have sacrificed so much for him, put up with so much...and how does he thank you? He leaves you, *abandons you at your own wedding ceremony* and not only that, but he leaves you to clean up the mess, with all your friends and his *horrible family*! He could never have truly loved you...don't you see that?"

The whole time Anya was looking down at the floor, chin still quivering, but a small fire beginning in her eyes at the images that Halfrek was painting so clear in her mind.

"He strung you along the entire time, used you, put you down, and then he left you after making you believe that he wanted to marry you. He didn't have to do that. He didn't have to ask you to marry him but he did, knowing full well that he could never carry through with it. Just an extra bit of cruelty to rip you to shreds, to beat you down, but you won't be beat down, will you Anyanka? You are so strong, you always have been. I know it. We all know it. That's why D'Hoffrin has offered you your job back. You were one of the best, along with myself, of course ... think of it Anyanka, he took all that you were away from you. He made you weak, he made you dependent upon him and then he pulled the rug out from under you, as they say. He is the worst of scoundrels...I bet he was probably even cheating on you with that Buffy...they looked pretty cozy before he ran out on you. I saw them! Then he and the red head, Willow were even *more* cozy together...if that's even possible."


Anya's head swam with the words she was now hearing.

"Buffy I should have known! Buffy! Buffy! Of course, it's always Buffy! If not her then Willow! Willow his 'best friend'...I always knew it was more than that! Willow was the reason he and Cordelia broke up! I even knew that and just let it slide! He always loved both of them...more than...," she could not bring herself to finish for it seemed the very sentencing of death to her human life that only two days ago held all the light and hope that she had ever known. But Halfrek finished it for her.

"More than you?... Yes, he did. If you could say a man who treats a woman as he has treated you, loves her at all!"


A terrible light shone in Anya's eyes now. No longer was she defeated, she was something far more dangerous. Still Halfrek relentlessly went on in making her case.

"Oh, it makes me seethe to think on it...just think of how he treated you! What he did! There can be no excuse for it Anyanka! He only did this to hurt you. That was the objective and he has succeeded. But I can stop him for you now. I can do whatever you wish me to."

Anya's eyes moved from anger to sorrow, back and forth, again and again, about a dozen times as she clenched and unclenched her fists. "I can punish all of them, even. They let this happen to you. Willow and Buffy stringing him along and him all the time with them behind your back! Playing you for a fool...we must let him know that we are not fools!"

Anya's eyes were growing wilder with every word from Halfrek's lips, looking around the room in rage. As if every scrap her of 'illusion of a happy life' with Xander Harris infuriated her.


She moved without warning now as if possessed by some inhuman speed to the bed, picked up the last picture of them that set by it and smashed it into the floor with all her strength.

"He meant to do this to me!?," she sounded incredulous as she screamed it. "He's been with them all the time. I was just...someone he settled for, someone he used, he played me for a fool! Halfrek, how could I have fallen this far from what I was? How could I let him do this to me!?" She was demanding, angry at herself almost as much as Xander and Buffy and Willow.

Anya stared at the shattered glass on the floor and Halfrek drew near to her again, whispering into her ear,
"Let me settle the score for you, Anyanka. Let me pay him back for what he did."

"Yes." Anya said it almost as if she were in a trance. "Pay Xander back..." Halfrek smiled at this.

"What do you wish me to do to him? Just tell me and I'll do it. You'll never have to worry about him...or them, again."

"Hurt him," Anya said with a sudden conviction. "Do whatever will hurt him the most. Make him feel like he makes me feel. Hurt Willow, hurt Buffy...they belong with him, don't they?... Hurt them, Hallie, please."

Hallie smiled at this, stroking Anya's hair once more as if she were a little girl in need of some sort of tactile comfort.
"I will," she whispered softly. And then she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel...guess they were a train," Buffy heard her own voice carried in the darkness. As if the night time air itself was filled with the sound.

She could not see much. She couldn't see anything actually. She felt a rope tied tightly around her body and another body, it's back to hers, tied with her.

The ropes were so tight as she began to move she felt them cut into her body as if they were made of metal and had sharp edges to them. She tried to get out of them, it should have been no problem with her slayer strength, but these obviously were no ordinary ropes that tied her together with this mystery person. And it felt as if they were getting tighter. Now each time she tried to take in a breath she felt the pain of them cutting into her.

'How the hell did I get here? Where am I?,' her mind sought desperately for some remembrance that would lead her to understanding of her current situation. Yet all she could remember was falling asleep in her bed earlier and waking up in the dark, tied and blind to the scene around her.


She looked down and she could barely see in the darkness that she was wearing almost nothing, just white underwear. 'Thought I felt a draft...' She tried to turn her head to see whose warm body was tied with her but she was bound too tightly.

She could hear the breathing...actually, it sounded like two people breathing.

"Hey, who are you!? Where am I!?," she demanded in as loud a voice as she could muster, she felt weak and the ropes cutting into her constantly with each breath causing more pain didn't help.

"Buffy...Oh God, Buffy is that you?," she heard the voice of the person right behind her, tied back to back with her.

"Xander!?"

"Buffy!...hey there Buffster, you don't think you might be able to get us out of these ropes now do ya?" Obviously he was hoping for a yes but she had to disappoint them. Struggling again with the ropes she felt only more constriction and pain.

Then she heard a cry of pain as the ropes continued to tighten but it was not from her or from Xander.

"Oh Buffy stop....It hurts!" Cried a weak voice, filled with immense pain.

"Willow?"

"Yeah, she's here, she's tied facing me, she looks kinda out of it... I think the ropes are cutting into her really bad. Buffy, why can't we get out of this? What the hell are these things made out of!? For that matter, how the hell did we get into them in the first place?" She could hear the fear rising in Xander's voice.

Still she could see nothing in the total darkness. Not even the mysterious ropes holding them. Not where they were. Not anything, it was just black.


"Willow?" She heard Xander ask. There was silence. "Willow?!" He cried out in alarm now. "Oh God, Buffy, I think I feel... She's bleeding!...She's bleeding bad...I-I feel her blood all over me.," his voice shook now as he spoke. "Buffy, the ropes... The ropes, they're cutting into her!"

"Willow!?," Buffy cried out desperately. "Willow!?"

"Buf-fy," the voice was weaker now and she was crying. "Where are we?"

"Buffy!," Xander hissed, trying to stay quiet, not wanting Willow to know... She's looking...not so good...I think it's killing her! We have to get out of this!"

"Xander, I don't know what to do! I can't see...it's like I'm blind. I don't know what's holding us!" Buffy looked around desperately trying to see something, listening, trying to get any clue about where they were and how they could get out of this.

She felt fear overwhelm her. Willow was dying and they would all be dead soon no doubt. She had to stop it. But if she struggled she would cut the rope into Willow even more.

"How well can you see Willow? And the rope?," she asked Xander desperately trying to keep her voice calm. She could hear he was losing it, first from the tone of his voice and now from his shallow, rapid breathing.

"She's passed out now and there's blood...the ropes are cutting into her chest... God Buffy," his voice broke. "They look so far into her and there's so much blood!"

"Xander, Xander listen...what are the ropes made of?"

"They look like normal ropes!" He sounded beyond desperate now. But then, in the distance she heard something. Far off. She made a shushing sound to Xander and concentrated on the approaching sound.

It was steady, mechanical almost...it was... it sounded like a train. And then she heard it again. Her own voice like it was narrating, filled the air,

"They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel...guess they were a train."

"What!? Buffy!? Was that you!?" Xander asked, panicked.

"Shhh....Xander, be quiet," Buffy was trying but failing miserably at keeping the panic out of her voice. At least with vampires, demons, even Glory she could see who she was fighting against. Here there was nothing but darkness and they were trapped in it and Willow was dying and they were all being cut and bleed by the ropes that held them.


The sound of the train was getting closer. Buffy felt a horror welling up in her.

She tried to move the three of them over without attempting to escape the ropes but she couldn't seem to budge in them. There was a small light now, coming from her left.

She turned towards it, it was a small circular orb of white light in the far distance and the sound, that chugging sound of a train was getting closer.
"A train. Shit....oh God, we're gonna die. Buffy we have to do something!" Xander started to struggle and Buffy felt a rope slide deep into the tender flesh of her stomach, she cried out in pain as it sliced through further and another penetrated the skin at her collarbone.

Willow must've come to for a moment from a similar experience because she screamed.

The light from the engine of the train was close enough now she could see they were on the tracks straight ahead the train was coming on, strong and steady. Then she heard crying, but not from herself, Xander or Willow.

It was farther away and she recognized the crying. It was Anya. She heard Xander calling out to Anya and turned painfully to see that indeed Anya was sitting by the tracks that were now more illuminated than before, sitting on the ground like a child bawling her eyes out. Xander called out to her over and over.

"Anya!...Anya! Anya, there's a train, hurry you have to help us! Anya!" Suddenly the figure of Anya stood, and the crying sound was gone. She looked completely in control now and she stared at them, unmoving, as if she were stone. Her eyes were empty and her face, dry.

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you Xander. For me to save you so you can hurt me again. To save them because they're all you really care about." The flatness of her voice only seemed to add to the terror of the scenario. Suddenly, her once human face transformed into that of a demon. "Well I'm moving on from all that Xander. This is over for me. I'm going on to a *real* life and you...well, it's over for you too, all of you...but you aren't going on to anything."

Xander was silent and Buffy could feel the chill in the air. The train was closer now. The whistle blowing loudly enough to make Buffy jump. It looked larger to Buffy than any train she'd ever seen, then again she hadn't been around that many trains...

Seeing that Anya would likely be of no help to them she turned her attention once more to getting out of the ropes and heard a weak moan from Willow, as apparently the ropes cut deeper... It was no use. All her strength would not move them. It was as if they were frozen to that very spot, the ropes only there to torture their flesh in these last moments.


Since Xander did not speak any more, Buffy now called out to Anya, knowing now it was their only hope to convince her to help them. It was slim to none, but it was all she had to work with.

"Anya! Anya, please, help us! You can't want this!" But Anya simply turned and walked away. Out into the darkness where she could no longer be seen.

Buffy felt as much as heard Xander crying against her at the sight of his once-love walking off into oblivion, leaving him and his two best friends to die this strange, nightmarish death.

Willow made not a sound and Buffy didn't even think she had been conscious enough to know that Anya had even been there. Maybe she didn't even know about the train. 'Small mercies...'


Seemingly out of nowhere, another voice called out from the other side of the tracks. Called out in that oh so familiar north London accent in the distance. Buffy never thought a sound could be that beautiful to her ears.

"Buffy! Willow! Xander! You've got to move! There's a bloody train!" 'Nooo...really!?,' Buffy thought grimly as she watched him barrel towards them. His voice was desperate and the train was so loud now. Buffy forced herself to look again upon their oncoming demise. It was so close. Too close. She could even see a panicked man inside the engine pulling the cord for the whistle she thought.

Things seem to move in slow motion. She turned back to where the voice came from to see Spike running towards them.

'It's too late', she thought, closing her eyes for what she was sure would be the last time, this time. "I'm sorry Spike, for everything I'm sorry!" She called out to him as loudly as she could manage with the unnatural pain of the ropes and the panic the oncoming train inspired in her.

She didn't know why but she had an overwhelming urge to apologize, to try to make peace with him in those last moments. But she did it, she didn't even know if he could hear her over the sounds of the train. She felt blood running down her body.

"No! Don't you say that! I'm not going to..., going to fail you again..."

'Must've heard me...vampire hearing...' He sounded out of breath, though somewhere in the back of her mind she knew he didn't need breath...maybe he was scared...

Then, he was right there and the train was inches from her. She wanted to scream back at him that he hadn't failed her before...not ever. That without him she would never have stopped Angelus and the world would have been lost and he had protected Dawn the best he could against Glory.

But she couldn't tell him not to blame himself. The noise was too deafening and she found herself overtaken by emotion...sorrow for her friends who were about to die, sorrow for Dawn who was going to lose her...again, and sorrow for Spike who was going to have to be there to witness her death for the second time.


It happened so fast...he was there, about to slam into them with all his force and will, to move them out of the path of destruction. Simultaneously, Spike and Buffy screamed the same word, as Xander cried helplessly and Willow lay limp beside him. "No!"

Terrible realization hit her as his body crashed into them with all the force his vampiric strength could muster, along with that strength he had worked up the speed he needed to succeed in his task. 'He never gives up...'

He knocked them off the tracks. They fell heavily onto the ground. Buffy was still facing the tracks and could see him where he had fallen there after the impact that propelled them out of harms way. Still everything moved in that horrible slow motion, even as they fell. He moved quickly but it seemed so slow to her.

He was up. But before he had moved another inch the train smashed into him with a force that she felt to her very core. She had no reason to think the train could kill him, but she knew. She heard him turn to dust, she felt it. Yet she hoped against hope she was wrong.
"Spike! Spike!," she screamed and suddenly the ropes around them was no more. The train had passed.

She got up and ran to the spot where he had been and there the tracks were covered in dust. She stood in shock, mouth open, unbelieving.

The Spike who had tried to kill her so many times. Spike who helped her defeat Angelus. Spike who had fallen in love with her. Spike who had known her all along better than anyone. Spike who had saved Dawn by allowing himself to be tortured. Spike who she had abused and used up...he was gone. He died for her, for them. She fell to the ground suddenly unable to support her own weight and cried. Looking down to see her tears mixing with the dust on the tracks.


Buffy awoke with a start, safe in her bed. Her breathing heavy and her body covered in sweat from the nightmare she had just escaped from.

The air was still. Sunlight filtered through the windows. Since she often had late nights over at the Double Meat and then slaying duties on top of that, she often slept whenever she got a chance during the day.

She had nodded off, still feeling exhausted from the ordeal at Xander and Anya's almost wedding on the second afternoon since it had happened.

Now she lay trying to catch her breath and control her feelings.

It had been horrific and as much as she wanted to simply repeat the 'it was just a dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream' mantra in her head until it washed away the memory of it, she knew she couldn't.

The dream had that strange quality about it that her prophetic dreams had. Her stomach did flip flops as she remembered the dreams she had experienced about Angel before his transformation into Angelus before she had to send him to hell to save the world. They were vague and strange and seemed so real...just like this. 'But what could it mean?' Her mind struggled to understand what she had seen, what she had felt.


Spike had saved herself, Xander and Willow from an oncoming train and Anya had left them to die, obviously having gone back to being a vengeance demon.

She bolted up. 'Anya! ... I have to stop her! Have to talk to her before she does something that...' A light and a raging of wind in the room interrupted her thoughts. Buffy spun to see the demon, the same one that had locked them all in her house on her birthday. What had Anya called her? Halfrek? Hallie?

"What are you doing in my house?!," Buffy demanded, sounding more confident than she felt after the brush with her nightmare.

"Just to take you on a little trip.," she answered without showing any evidence of emotion, her eyes sparkling in her veiny face with an evil glint. "It's time for justice."


To be continued...