He Always Knew It

By Alice

This is my perspective...written with someone else's name. It felt weird using my name in a story/third person perspective.


She felt rejected. Bay's eyes watered as she stood before herself, staring at herself in the mirror. Bay hater herself. She hated the feeling that came every time a car would drive by. Maybe the same model as his, maybe the same color. It broke her heart another bit...

Cuts aligned her thighs, some short and obscene...others long and deep. Tears touched her cheeks as she traced each one with her finger. Some stung with an almost remorseful ache, while others felt like they were already gone. I deserve this Bay thought, one finger touching those scars and cuts, the other holding the sharp razor. Every time she did it, she would tell herself, "This was the last time," but it never was. Her mom never noticed. The woman always insisted that it was just her period that was making her depressed, or her break ups, or her flu. What she didn't know was that the depression came from the break up, and the sickness came from the depression. It was like an endless cycle, and every time the brown-eyed girl felt better, she began to feel worse.

"He will never understand!" Bay constantly argued with herself. He would always be the same. He would always be angry or sad or miserable. Nothing she did helped. He said he loved her, but that was a lie too. She could tell. You don't hurt the people that you love. You don't grab their arms roughly or guilt them into sex. You don't lie to their face, or reject them when they needed you the most. Bay's hand trembled at the thought of him. Him. She wished she never met him. She wished that he never fell into her life. She wished that she wasn't so stupid to believe that he would be different all those times that he came back...but she always fell for him. Fell for the lie and the deceit. Now, that it's been two months since it all ended, he has the balls to text her and tell her that he hates Bay. That she's nothing to him. That she was just a nuisance, someone that he hated more than anyone.

"I thought I could handle it," Bay whispered to herself, the cold salty tears slipping down her cheeks like a waterfall. Since he started all of this, the only person she found solace with was herself. Bay often spoke, in whisper, to herself... I'm going insane. The pain...it was almost physical. Like he had slapped her or something. Yes, I hate you. Why would you say that? Why couldn't you just disappear? Bay sobbed quietly, clutching the razor in her hand for dear life.

"..." She glanced at herself in the mirror, entranced by the liquid that adorned her cheeks. The rosiness of her eyes only seemed like a bitter reminder of all the blood she shed. Because she deserved it. He said she did. He called her ugly, and fat. He called her stupid and useless. What made it worse...was that he told her that she should be alright with it... That she should be alright, being constantly abused and pushed aside.

Smack! Her hand slammed against the mirror, leaving a faint grey smudge.

"You ruined everything!" Again and again her hand slammed against the mirror, leaving no real damage, but inducing the pain she wanted to feel. Bay sobbed and wept for what seemed like hours. Eventually, her hand began to turn red from the constant abuse, but she didn't care. I am ugly, I am stupid, I am fat and useless! Those words will never leave her. They will haunt her, because she did love him. How could you hurt someone you love?


I will always remember this quote... "Boys laugh at what they put girls through, but they won't be laughing when they're wiping the tears off of their daughter's face for the same reason." His cruel words (ugly, stupid, fat, short, annoying, useless, retarded) will forever be engrained in my mind. I loved him...and he knew it. He always knew it.

-Alice