Wait! What's this? Another English project! Ya, so I have a lot of these. This has to be one of my favorites, though. On my word document I have pictures that fit the subsections but unfortunately I can't put them on here. I re-wrote all chapters/subsections of Macbeth so that things happened backwards (as you will read in the preface). I don't own any of Shakespear's works, but I can play around with them...a lot.
Htebcam
(A.K.A. Macbeth)
Preface:
As you read the following, please keep this in mind: this is the work of William Shakespeare's Macbeth retold as the complete opposite story. For example, instead of Macduff killing Macbeth, Macbeth kills Macduff. All of the conversations are told by the opposite person. For example, when Ross tells Macduff that his family was killed by murderers sent by Macbeth, Macduff tells Ross that the murderers were killed by Lady Macduff and her son (seeing as all of the actions are opposite as well). This is done as much as possible while still attempting to have this tale make sense. In that case, some things will be carried out as was in the original text.
Htebcam, as is its name, is written in modern English for the consideration of the reader. It is thought that said reader may enjoy this retelling of Macbeth better if it were easier to understand. I hope that the reader will prefer this to Shakespearian English, what with all of its rhyming, odd spellings, mythological references, and so on. It has also been attempted to put some humor into this retelling to lighten it up a bit.
It is also thought that Htebcam may be appreciated more if the reader had already read the original version, Macbeth, so as to understand the humor at which I am attempting to make.
And so, without further ado, I bid you sit back, relax, and watch a masterpiece at work.
Chapter 1
Subsection 1
Scenario: Three witches enter a loud and boisterous place on a bright and sunny day.
Three witches walked into a bar. One said to another, "Hey, Darlene, want to throw back a pint or two?"
Darlene replied, "Oh, I don't know Bertha. I'm not altogether thirsty just right now. What do you say Agatha?"
"I'm with Darlene," commented Agatha. "I don't feel like a drink at the moment. How 'bout a rain check?"
"But hopefully not in the rain I trust?" said Bertha. "The weather man says that next week Friday is supposed to be this lovely. Why don't we meet again then at noon near Forres?"
"Sounds alright to me," Darlene and Agatha agreed. All three exited.
Subsection 2
Scenario: Duncan, Malcolm, and Lennox are at a camp near Forres when they hear an alarm and see Ross.
"Ye gads," exclaimed Malcolm to his father, "who in the world is that?"
His father, Duncan, replied, "That's Ross, can't you tell?" Then, speaking to Ross, "Hey man, what's up?"
Ross replied, "Well, the battle is pretty much how you left if. People are dying or wounded. And don't get me started on Macbeth. That guy and his friend Banquo are absolute losers when it comes to fighting."
Malcolm put his two cents in by saying, "I always thought better of him."
"I'm just going to ignore that rude interruption," murmured Ross. "Anyway, a couple of Norwegian ships came along by surprise and the Norwegian lord seemed pretty happy with himself."
Unable to control himself, Malcolm burst out, "What about Macbeth and Banquo?"
"They ran away like a bunch of sissy pansies. Last I saw of them they were high tailing it back here to Forres. I don't know why you promoted him to Thane of Cawdor."
"That will be remedied," confirmed Malcolm. Just then someone caught his eye. "Who's that?" As they were talking, a wounded sergeant came up to them.
Duncan explained to his son, "Why, that's one of our wounded soldiers, don't chya know?"
Lennox, before now excluded from the conversation, said, "What brings you here, you bleeding man? Can't you see we're busy?"
"God save the King!" is all that the sergeant said.
"Is that it?" inquired Malcolm.
"Of course not. Just because Duncan is your father and you don't need to call him by his title doesn't mean that we don't." This brought a few blank stares from the assembled company. The sergeant cleared his throat and continued. "I just came from the battle front. Those Norwegian ships really did a number on us. I am sorry to report that the battle is lost." This brought many shocked faces.
"You mean we lost?" exclaimed Malcolm, jaw dropping.
The sergeant continued with a nod. "Luckily, it looks like those Norwegians just wanted to fight for the fun of it. They left soon after everything was done and over with."
"Well that puts a damper on this whole day," said Malcolm. "Go tell everyone that Macbeth is demoted and that Banquo will be taking his place. We can trust him. As for Macbeth, I can't just make him a peasant for being a coward, but I'll just put him in as Thane of Glamis"
The sergeant replied simply with, "Sure 'nough," and then limped away.
Subsection 3
Scenario: It's the Friday next and the three witches are near Forres, as previously planned (and it's not raining).
"Hello Darlene! How have you been since we last met?" asked Bertha.
"Just perfect. I lost ten pounds on the Atkins Diet. Now I can fit into that cute little outfit I saw at the mall. What about you Agatha?"
Agatha replied with her own story. "Well, the day after we met I saw these adorable shoes in the window and I just had to have them. What do you think?" she lifted her skirt a bit so they could all admire her new footwear.
"Oh, they are so dreamy," agreed Darlene. "Anything wonderful happen to you since last we met, Bertha?"
"Well, now that you mention it, it's nothing quite as fantastic as your news, but my horoscope said that Macbeth and Banquo are going to tell us their futures. Isn't that just wonderful?" This was received by blank stares from Darlene and Agatha. Unperturbed, Bertha kept chattering away. "I mean, it's one thing to know your own future, but to know someone else's, it would be so fun to watch and see how it plays out. You know?"
Seeing how their dear friend was in need of desperate psychiatric help, Darlene replied, "Oh. Ya. Sure. That, um, that would be wonderful." She obviously didn't believe a word of it.
"Hey, guys," said Agatha. "You'll never believe who's coming our way."
"It is Macbeth and Banquo?" asked Bertha, excited.
"Yep."
Macbeth and Banquo walked up the lane near Forres. "This is a really nice day, don't you think Macbeth? I mean, apart form loosing the war and being seen as prissy little girls, the day went pretty well," said Banquo.
"Are we there yet?" whined Macbeth. Then he caught sight of three beautiful women standing by the wayside. "Whoa! Who are these fine specimens?"
"Hi Macbeth. Hi Banquo," said Bertha rather coyly.
"How do you know our names?" asked Macbeth.
"Please," pleaded Agatha, "don't get her started on that again. Just tell us your future and be done with it."
"Well, it just so happens that Macbeth and I looked into a crystal ball earlier today," commented Banquo.
"When the mist finally passed (I don't know why every magical thing has to include some kind of fog), I saw myself as Thane of Glamis, a demotion I know, but what do you expect for someone who abandons the fight? I also saw that I won't have any kids so there's no chance that I could become king."
Banquo continued from there. "And since we're on that subject I saw that I don't have a chance of being king either. What a shock."
"What a bunch of bologna!" blurted Darlene. "Why on earth would they make you Thane of Glamis? And why wouldn't you have any kids."
It just so happened that the wounded soldier, whom we have met previously, walked by at that moment to give Macbeth the news. He was accompanied by Angus, a nobleman. After hearing about his demotion, Macbeth mumbled, "Tell me something I don't already know."
Bertha, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "I knew it! I knew it! What did I tell you?" she asked her two friends. "I told you that they would tell us their future."
"Calm down Bertha," said Darlene dismissively. "So one thing came true. So what? It will take a long time to see if Macbeth doesn't have any kids." And with that the witches walked off.
"One down two to go," said Macbeth.
"And let the killings begin," replied Banquo.
Subsection 4
Scenario: Duncan and Malcolm enter the palace of Forres with a flourish.
"Has he been demoted yet?" whined Malcolm to his father.
"If you're talking about Macbeth, then yes, he's demoted" replied the King. Just then Banquo and Macbeth entered.
"Oh," said the king glumly, "they're here."
"Well don't look so pleased to see us," Macbeth muttered.
Malcolm continued the conversation. "Banquo, how could you just run away? I thought better of you."
"I said I would follow Macbeth, and follow him I did."
"Well that's a dumb explanation," said Malcolm. "I at least have good news. I have just been named Prince of Cumberland. I hear they have very good cucumbers there. Can we come to dinner at your place tonight Macbeth? I'll bring cucumbers."
"Well in that case," said Macbeth, and hurried off to tell his wife the news.
"Come on Malcolm," said Banquo, tugging at Malcolm's arm, "let's get after him."
Banquo led Malcolm on, all the while thinking, 'I didn't see Malcolm here becoming the new king of Cucumbers. This will complicate things just a bit.' But he let the matter slip. It was time for dinner.
Subsection 5
Scenario: Lady Macbeth is reading a letter from her husband in their castle.
"'Well dear,'" she read, "'the battle didn't go as well as we planned. We lost. I have been demoted to Thane of Glamis while that stuck up, arrogant pig, Banquo, becomes Thane of Cawdor. Getting off that subject, I met these three witches on the side of the road and they wanted to know my future (imagine that). It just so happened that I had seen a crystal ball earlier today and knew about the Glamis thing. I also learned that we won't be parents, so we won't have any kids who could become king, and Banquo won't become king himself. Go figure. Thane of Cawdor is really close to the rank of King. And by the way, Duncan and his clan will be coming over for dinner. Make something that goes good with cucumbers. I'll explain later.
'Love, Macbeth.'" Just at that moment a messenger arrived. "Don't waste your breath, messenger. I already know about the King."
"How?" was all he said.
"It's called a letter," she answered dryly. The door opened again, this time letting in Macbeth. "Oh hello honey," she said, wrapping her arms around him a giving him a kiss. She looked over at the messenger. "You can go now." The messenger shuffled off. "So why cucumbers?" she asked bluntly.
"Malcolm has become the Prince of Cumberland."
"Very funny."
"We will have to kill them you know?" Macbeth said, "so I can become King. And I mean both Duncan and Banquo. Even if we don't have kids, it would be nice to be king."
"It's a shame to kill a guest," his wife said with a sigh. "Oh well, off to planning." And off they went to plan tyranny.
Subscript 6
Scenario: Duncan and Banquo are at Macbeth's castle.
"What a terrible night for a party," complained Banquo as he met the king in front of Macbeth's castle.
"That's Scotland for you," Duncan responded.
"And here comes our honored host," said Banquo, seeing Macbeth approach them.
"It's an honor to host you My Lord, and Banquo too, of course."
"Where's your wife?" inquired Banquo.
"In the castle, waiting for all of you."
"Then let's not keep her waiting," said Banquo, and they all continued into the castle.
Subsection 7
Scenario: Here we see Lady Macbeth in her castle.
"I wish we could just get this all done and over with," said Lady Macbeth to herself, pacing up and down the hallway.
"What are you doing out here?" said Macbeth when he came upon her. "They're about to go to sleep. You have to get ready."
"But I don't really want to do this," complained Lady Macbeth.
"Would you stop worrying?" said Macbeth, exasperated. "The servants are drunk as skunks. They won't remember a thing. You have nothing to worry about."
"But he was being so nice to me." Again, whining.
"Get over it. You have to do this."
"But what if I fail?"
"But, but, but. That's all I get out of you. Just do your job and be done with it."
"Whatever you say sweetheart."
More is yet to come! Have no fear. I thought I may as well do this chapter by chapter because this one actualy has chapters. This should be fun. I already have everything written, I just like the suspence that this builds. "Ooh! What will she do next?" Please let me know at what rate you would like me to submit the chapters (there are five). Please R&R. Thanks a bunch!
