I don't own Naruto.

20 Ways A Snake Can Seduce A Bug

1. Shino always stayed a little behind everyone so he could catch anything going on after they left. He caught Kabuto talking to Orochimaru that day during the tournament. A very handsome man, Shino thought. A dangerous opponent.

2. Orochimaru gladly watched the fights. Particulary interested in the Aburame. He decided Shino would be a better choice to bring to his side.

Not that he'd give up Sasuke so easily. Sasuke was supposed to be used to get rid of that awful Itachi.

3. The day Sasuke left Shino went missing too. No one thought of it since he returned a couple of days later.

Until Shizune saw the Aburame in a lip-lock with Orochimaru.

4. Those two days Shino went missing. Well... Some say Orochimaru tortured him, raped him, awful things like that. Others say the couple just locked eyes... and lips... and was wrapped up in a passion of each other that no one had ever seen.

5. Sasuke flew out of Orochimaru's games when he found Shino and the snake master in bed together. Sasuke is now a famous homophob.

6. The way Orochimaru kissed sometimes set off Shino's gag reflex.

7. The way Shino kissed made Orochimaru a screaming fangirl. He wanted more.

8. Both Orochimaru and Shino are proud on how soft both of them are to eachother.

(Orochimaru uses lotion... Shino uses Orochimaru...)

9. The only way you could make Shino scream was asking him to marry him.

10. Everyone knows because Orochimaru showed up. On his snake. With his band of Sound Nin. In a see-through dress. With a thong. And asked Shino to marry him.

11. Shino tried to kill Orochimaru. Sadly this meant the couple was broken up.

12. Orochimaru took Shino, though not quietly. Still to this day Konoha wonders how all that noise came from the usually silent Aburame.

13. Shino has to confess. He's gotten used to screaming and whining because that was what Orochimaru demanded. But he doesn't want anyone to ask about it... Though you probably know what it means.

14. Pleased to find his lover in a screaming fit Orochimaru took over Konoha and ruled with Shino as king.

(Orochimaru would rather be queen that way he could wear the dress... He still wore the pants in the family though.)

15. On a series of expirements Orochimaru combined Shino's DNA with his own to create a daughter/son/hermaphidite. Shino was outraged at the combined-ness.

16. To kiss and make up Orochimaru had to kill their child. But he didn't care. He just wanted to get laid. (Shino was the best one he has ever had.)

17. Not only did Orochimaru not kill their baby, but mated it with Sasuke... and others... Now there's a army of Shino/Orochimaru/other men/other women children. Sadly they take after Shino and Orochimaru... Together.

18. Shino never knew why he fell in love with Orochimaru. Then he realized he didn't love the snake master in the first place. So he left.

19. Sadly, Orochimaru really did love Shino in an obsessive, unhealthy way. So he stalked the bug boy.

20. Shino also realized that he could never get away from Orochimaru. He did the next best thing.

Shino married Uchiha Itachi.