My first songfic. Please listen to "Caruso" by Luciano Pavarotti while reading this, just to get the feeling and to enter the mood. That is also the song that Jane sings and plays.
Here you go:
My hands slither around your front as I hug you tightly and the soothing warmth of your body makes up for the wind that's now shuffling my wild strands of hair on your face. I'm not moving, I know you don't mind it. I feel your head drop back into my shoulder and I realize I've never felt more fretful and more at peace at the same time. The waves are clashing in front of us, loudly smashing on the nearby beach, but they cannot mask the sighs and sobs you think you can hide from me. My hand moves to move your golden locks away from your shoulder. I plant a kiss on that porcelain neck and stay there, reveling in your scent. How can I possibly comfort you? I cannot bear to have my heart ripped any more. I have to kiss your tears away.
I clear my voice and it starts building up from within my chest, the song I haven't heard or sang in months, even years. The lyrics come on their own and burn in my throat but I let them out anyways. I have to.
When I'm done, we stand there, without words, until I hear you whisper.
"I have to go back, Jane."
"I know."
You turn back to face me and I can see the glints in your eyes. I know it's only the reflection of the lanterns in them, but I imagine they glow from some happiness that I've managed to give you, from some pleasure or affection that courses between us.
I've never seen truer eyes. I've never seen gentler eyes. I've never seen more stunning eyes.
"And I have to stay in Italy, Maura"
"I know."
"I wish..."
"I know."
I wish I travel back a few weeks and see you on the sand in the evening again, your skin glistening, your eyes lost on the horizon, your hair silky in the wind. I wish I can kiss you under the stars and talk to you until it dawns and fall asleep with you forever. Not just one more time. I need more than just one more night.
"Don't, Jane." Your fingers trace my cheek, softly wiping the tear away. "Stop crying, please." Your voice is shaky. I can feel it break.
"You first."
You laugh. I laugh. I'd live just for your laugh. And to know I drew it from you. You're beautiful. Laugh.
"Come here." You pull me back inside from the terrace. I hold on to your hand as if it's keeping my heart beating and my lungs breathing.
I see you sit in front of the piano and my stomach turns. But your eyes are pleading and then how do I just say no?
"Maura I can't. Not since-"
"Try." You pull me in, further.
I sit next to you and my heart aches when you let go of my hand. You lift the cover slowly and I can feel myself trembling. It's agonizing to think for how long I haven't seen it like this.
"Maura..."
"You'll never find out if you don't try."
My fingers tentatively slide over the white keys, not applying any pressure, just gliding. Like placing your foot in the water before swimming. Testing. Probing.
I want to do it. For you.
My palms stretch open as they find their positions and then it's not just the lyrics I have never forgotten.
Every key I press breaks me and builds me up again. Ever word I utter makes one of my scars ache, and then heals it all over again. I feel you shudder next to me and I continue, because now that I've started, I can't stop. I'm drowning. I'm drowning and only the feeling of your thigh on the bench next to me and your hand on my knee are keeping me on the surface.
And then it stops.
I'm suddenly scared. I turn, slowly, hesitantly, and your face is in tears all over again but you're smiling at me.
I love you.
I lean in and taste the salty drops of water that have reached your lips.
You're soft.
So incredibly unbearably soft.
I love you.
"See? You could, all this time."
I can't stop myself.
"I love you."
Your eyes snap up to mine and are mirroring them. I don't even need you to say it because I feel it and know it and see it in yours. But you do anyways and it's the sweetest sound that has ever escaped those irresistible lips.
"I love you."
Now, the waves are grey. Now, the beach is empty and so is my heart. Now, the light in the lanterns is out and the moon is my only companion. But the piano is no longer dusty. Until the day I'm no longer in this world, that, I have to thank you for.
A/N: Please review. Thank you for the time you spent reading this. I hope you liked it.
