one and
three, you're here
to tell me we can't do this
i'll
disagree
"Never again. Do you hear me? This is the last time."
She's gone as quickly as she came. He's once again in bed looking after her shadow.
'Keep telling yourself that, darling' he thinks to himself.
your hair and
face against the mirror
as i take the steps to save what's left of
me
someone's out when it's over
As if some sick routine, she's back in his arms within a matter of days.
She's getting dressed in silence and he pretends to be asleep. They're afraid to speak. The wrong words will kill them both.
people steal
from you
and they take anything they choose
She's sobbing hard, fragile body crashing into his. She hasn't said a word, yet he already knows there's only one person who can break her like this. He's half relieved it isn't him, half angry he never could be.
'Leave him. Please. For me.' he thinks to himself. He doesn't find the courage to say those words out loud. Becauase deep down he knows no matter what he says, it doesn't matter. They're playing roles they cannot refuse.
it's good to
see you
i missed you last night
that's such a lovely color
it
goes with your eyes
before we fall asleep
i just wanted to
say
this all seems so easy
but there's choices to make
He distances himself. Changes his number, locks himself in his suite and drowns himself in scotch just to get rid of the thought of her. Still he could not manage to rid her scent in his room, her taste on his lip and her image in his mind. There was no escape.
She notices. When his number is disconnected she takes note. When he pretends to be absent when she can clearly hear his shallow breathing on the other side of the door she understands. She plays along and walks away, making a mental note that this was the last time that she will ever show up at his door.
can't decide,
then look at the faces
candlelight
we're burning the pages
but
ask us why
and hurting ourselves with this false start
resign
yourself
and always be (and we pretend)
without the one (as if
it gets easier)
thing you need (but does it get easier?)
reading
words with no replies
She feels as if she's in hell. Everytime she hears his name, everytime she sees a patterened scarf, everytime she smells the hint of scotch, she's lost in a haze of hurt and sadness.
'It's not supposed to feel like this' she reminds herself, 'Get a hold of yourself, you're a Waldorf after all.'
It doesn't take long before they run into each other. It's an awfully small world they live in. Polite smiles are exchanged masking breaking hearts. She's soon crying in a bathroom stall and he's drinking himself to death.
As she leaves to
return home and take what's left of the half emptied bottle of
sleeping pills she spots him climbing into his limo. Before she knows
what she's doing she's climbing in after him, pinning him against the
seat, crashing her lips into his. It takes a split second for the
shock to wear off before he's kissing her back with equal desire.
They repeat the routine they know so well. The pieces fall into
place. They let their desire take over. After all, it's the only cure
that can save them. i wanted to mean everything to you
when we have these mornings where we can
say goodbye
but this
isn't right
you keep coming back disassembled and i
keep losing
this fight
When he wakes up, she's gone as expected. He almost wants to jump off the Brooklyn bridge for giving in to her. Blair Waldorf will be the death of him. He can almost guarantee it.
i won't dancing
under starlight glow
answer
no one in the city knows
confidence can
take you
nerves try to shake you
from going all the way
She's laughing again. She's reclaimed her throne fully and returned to being the girl the he used to know. Well, almost. They continue their tortured affair and he can't tell if that's the reason she's smiling or her seemingly perfect relationship with Nate. He guesses it's the latter.
Truth is, he barely even knows her anymore. The more times they meet, the more distant they become. Chuck realizes he misses his friend.
it's
not that far
we watch the tide roll in
with cold air and coffee
cakes
holding our words at lips
stopping the sounds they
make
we know the way to go
we know each step to take
to be
here
When the
Waldorf-Archibald engagement has been set in stone and invitations
had been sent out Chuck decides to do business in Monoco. Blair says
she doesn't care that he's gone, it's for the best anyway. It's a
surprise to everyone around them when Chuck marries the first gold
digging whore he meets in Monoco. Within days they're honeymooning in
Dubai and Gossip Girl declares it's true love. Chuck plays along and
Blair shrugs it off. It's a good thing they're such good liars.
these words with no replies
stopping we's and starting
i's
this need is killing me
and taking me over
When he finds out she overdosed on Vicodin and vodka the night before her wedding he takes the first plane back to New York. He waits painfully outside the hospital room with Nate, offering words of comfort when he himself was on the verge of breakdown.
Hours later when Nate has snuck out for much needed coffee Chuck pays the nurses off and sneaks into her room. Seeing her fragile body hooked up to machines twice her size made Chuck wince. He sits down besides her and grasped onto her cold hands for dear life.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I never fought for you."
And he doesn't know what else there is to say. He doesn't know what else she would've wanted him to say. If she even wanted him there at all. He leaves before Nate returns, sends him a lousy text message about some unfinished business in Monoco.
Chuck returns to the arms of his loving wife in a house too large for comfort because that's all that he knows how to do. When his wife askes about his old friend and declares how much she had missed him during his trip he smiles and responds with a lazy kiss. He doesn't have the courage or strength to tell her she will never be loved nearly as much as he once had a broken brunette.
8 days later Chuck found himself at a place he had leased expected. He throws a much needed punch at his former best friend behind the church doors.
"What the fuck did you do to her? How did she not get better? You were supposed to protect her Nate! She chose you to protect her! How did you let it turn out this way?" Chuck screams through hysterical cries.
"You tell me." Nate responds coldly, eyes fixated on the floor.
His young blonde wife pushes him away from Nate and she finally understands that she will never be loved as much as the girl lying in the next room.
When the guests
have arrived and the papparazzi have been blocked off by security
Chuck recomposes himself and sits in the last row of the church.
Grasping tightly onto his wife's hand, he hides behind shaded glasses
as all of the secrets they have shared are buried along with the love
of his life. i wanted to mean everything to you
but this
isn't right
you keep coming back disassembled and i
keep losing
this fight
