Happy Ending
The boy filled my vision. Colors desaturated, my focus hazy, I was pressed for time. Death held no meaning for me at that moment. Most of my life I had been living for someone else. After coming so far I could not allow myself to fail. I had already failed enough.
This is the hardest story I've ever told.
Lily Evans had the personality beyond anyone I had ever encountered. Her warmth radiated. She was an entity of purity and love. I obsessed. I worshiped. I could not admit to myself the amount of power she had over me. I resented the it. Sometimes I even resented her.
This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
Now I see how weak I was. I was too focused. I was selfish. I was a hypocrite. I made excuses. The more I lost the more I thought I had gained. I pretended I was my own man. But I was letting myself be manipulated.
Then live the rest of our lives
But not together
Of course I heard about Lily's marriage. Of course I hated Potter. Of course I refused to accept this event as valid. Of course I did not think about birth of a child, which the very idea of I found offensive. Of course I didn't mind a little bloodshed for my personal gain. I never believed in fairy tales.
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I wasted everyday
It was too late. I tired to take it back. It was too late again. I couldn't take it back. I had inflicted myself with the same wounds I was inflicting on others. My defense had backfired and I was ready to give up. I no longer possessed the ambition and faith that had propelled me to where I was. All I could feel was condemnation, sadness, failure. Then I died.
Yet I still found myself breathing. I continued to live. I didn't live for myself, but at the same time I did. I had a debt to pay, and I paid it, not because I had to, not because I wanted to, but because I loved her.
No hope, No Love, No Glory
No happy ending
Don't care about me. Don't waste your time on me. I am not important. I do not want your pity. I do not want your friendship or love. Use me. I give myself to you to use. For I used you.
But if you can, one last time, Look At Me. Look At Me one last time so I can say Good Bye.
