Part 1: The Fellowship of Robin

Robin Hood was walking along one day and he saw a hobbit fingering a ring and whispering, "My precious." So Robin Hood knocked him out and took the ring because he didn't have an anniversary present for Maid Marion. He tossed the ring in his pocket and walked on. A black figure appeared near the front of the road so Robin hid in the underbrush. But the brush was the wire kind and it hurt him so he decided to sit on the road and be very still - and munch on some mushrooms. The black rider appeared not to notice him, but rode right up and dismounted. He sniffed the air several times.

"Need a kleenex?" Robin said, holding out one.

"Thag you very buch," he said, taking it and blowing his nose. Robin watched him ride away and then he walked on, tossing out a broken carrot. He then saw a feather appear from behind a willow tree and out popped a man. He looked very wise but very troubled.

"What's the matter?" Robin asked.

"Oh," the man said, surprised to see Robin. "I've forgotten my name."

"Pardon?" Robin asked.

"Well, you see, I'm never put into movies about Middle-Earth so I've forgotten my name."

Robin smiled but he didn't know the man's name.

"How about giving yourself a new name."

"Oh no, that wouldn't do. My wife Goldberry insists on calling me some odd name, um, what was it again . . . um. . . Tom Bombadil. Yes, that's what it is." He continued on about how that wasn't his name but then again, he couldn't remember his name, so Robin decided to leave him. Robin walked until he got to a town (it was known as Bree but Robin didn't know that). He was greeted by a gatekeeper, who strongly resembled a mole.

"Burr aye, et'n be's a man. Oi loikes men, yes oi do!" He let Robin in the gate and went on talking about digging and such but pointed Robin in the direction of the Prancing Pony Inn. Robin arrived there after getting burped at by a man eating a carrot, (which doesn't make you burp), and getting pushed aside on the road. He walked to the counter and was greeted by a man with bushy sideburns and a mustache.

"Good evening big master. If you're seeking accommodations, we've got some nice cozy man-sized rooms available." Robin was then bombarded by a big group of hobbits that knocked him over and trampled him.

Robin got up and brushed himself off. He thanked the innkeeper and was led to his room where he deposited his bow and arrows, pack, and a few other things. He then walked to the dining room where he sat down and ordered himself a milkshake - except they didn't have any so he was offered a pint. He didn't drink, but just to show that he was brave, he took it and sat down again. He pretended to drink it but actually tossed it behind him. Now there was a man who was soaking wet with Robin's drink and was very angry. He grabbed Robin's shirt but there were no men without their shirts off in this movie so he didn't rip it off. He picked Robin up and tossed him into a dark corner where a strange looking man with a cloak was sitting. Everyone gasped because Robin had suddenly disappeared! But he hadn't put on the ring, he had hid under the strange man's cloak so the big man wouldn't hurt him anymore. After the confusion had died down, the strange man gathered up his cloak, with Robin in it, and walked over to the part of the inn with the rooms. He slammed Robin against the wall and said,

"You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. UNDERHILL." Robin looked puzzled.

"I'm not Mr. Underhill, the name's Hood, Robin Hood." Of course this name meant no sense to the man in the cloak so he just said, "Whatever Mr. Underhill," and led Robin up to his room.

The next day the strange man, (who Robin found out was called Strider), led Robin into the wild along with three of the hobbits that had run over Robin (they had tagged along with Robin because they liked him). Strider led them up to the great watchtower of Amon Sûl and tossed swords at them.

After a while, a few more of the black riders, who need kleenexes, rode up and surrounded Robin and the three hobbits. After throwing aside the hobbits, they surrounded Robin.

"Give us the one ring! We'll take you to Mordor!" said a big tall rider.

"I don't have the one ring, just a gift for my wife." Robin said, pulling out the ring and showing it to them.

"Oh, my bad," the rider said, and then he led all of the black riders away - each one saying to Robin how sorry they were for bothering him.

The three hobbits seemed to think that Robin was hurt but he wasn't, he just had caught a cold from the riders because they had sneezed on him. Strider came up and carried Robin away ignoring him whenever Robin said that he wasn't hurt - he just had a cold. They came to a river crossing and were met by an elf with a horse named Asfaloth. He placed Robin in the horse's saddle and said, "Nora lim, Asfaloth." The horse ran off and crossed the river, without Robin. He had actually fallen off and was standing behind Strider, who didn't seem to notice him. So Robin followed the group across the river and into Rivendell. Robin wasn't hurt but everyone seemed to think he was, so he played injured because he would get lots of yummy food; and besides, he wanted to get rid of his cold. Three days later, he awoke to see Gandalf the Green smoking a pipe and watching him. Gandalf proceeded to tell him about himself until one of the hobbits, (his name was Sam the Lamb or just Sammy), raced up to Robin and was overjoyed to see him awake and well, (Robin's cold was gone). Gandalf said that because of the skills of Lord Elrond, he was getting well. Elrond walked up to him.

"Velcome to Ree-vendell, Roh-bin Hood, ah ahh," he said, eyeing Robin's neck.

"Thanks Dracula," Robin said.

The next day was spent at a council where not only were there men, elves, and dwarves, there was also a hobbit complaining that Robin had taken his "Precious". Elrond had him kicked out because he had thrown off his groove. Elrond then continued with the meeting. Robin found out that the ring that he had was actually the one ring, made by the Dark Lord Sauron, (thunder sound effects). He learned that it had to be destroyed or it would melt down causing a chain reaction that would destroy the earth, and Elrond wouldn't be able to read his book! But getting back to the subject; Robin was appointed the ring-bearer and Gandalf the Green, Sam the Lamb, Strider, an elf named Legolas, a dwarf named Gimli the Grey ("He gets to be grey," said Gandalf), a man named Boromir, (who in disguise was the hobbit who was mad at Robin), and the other two hobbits, (who were called Pippy and Merrin), were to go with him. Robin didn't want Legolas to go with them because Legolas could shoot a bow and Robin was jealous, (Robin's bow and arrows were just for suspense).

The nine companions set out from Rivendell and continued on to Caradhras. It was snowing there and very cold. Robin tried to build a fire but every time he got one going, Legolas would put it out by slinging his wet hair, walking over it, and taking away the wind block, (which was himself). Robin was also jealous because Legolas could walk on the snow and not sink. Robin tried it but he was still covered in snow. So after careful consideration, they left the mountain and went to the Mines of Moria. Unfortunately, Legolas and Robin had been walking together in the back and had been arguing so loudly that Gandalf the Green had to stop and get angry.

"Come on you two, make up and be friends," he said

"He's not my mellon!" Legolas said, sneering at Gandalf.

"What! So now you're calling me a melon!" Robin yelled at him. Gandalf threatened to tie them together so they decided to stop fighting, but Robin couldn't figure out why Legolas had called him a melon.

When they got to the mines, Gandalf tried to open the doors by saying various passwords; then he turned to Robin happily and said, "Mellon!" Gandalf turned to the doors but they weren't opening.

Robin sighed. "That's not the way to do it. Come on Gandalf, say the magic words," Robin said.

Gandalf smiled at Robin. "Please and thank you," he said. The doors opened widely and smashed Robin against the wall, but he wasn't hurt because his uncle, Bob, had given him a mithril coat but he did feel kind-of like a pancake.

Suddenly, a giant octopus appeared from the lake and tried to grab Robin; but the octopus was actually the 5th segment of the key to time, so it was turned into the segment by Dr. Who. They passed through the mines without any trouble until Robin threw a stone at Legolas, who dodged it, and it bounced off of the wall, and off another, and another, until it hit a giant dart board and made a loud crashing noise.

"Bull's eye!" Robin shouted and started singing, "Shake your booty", and danced around doing a victory dance.

Then after being surrounded by a bunch of orcs, that were chased away by Robin because he had a cold again, they raced out of the mines but they didn't lose Gandalf, the Balrog was on vacation.

They then traveled to Lorien where Galadriel the Grey was, ("She gets to be grey," Gandalf said), but didn't get to stay because all of the hotels were full, so they just borrowed some boats and went down the river.

They made a camp by the shore of a big lake, and when Robin went for a walk, "Boromir" went out to get some Rob- some firewood.

He approached Robin, who was sitting peacefully on top of the fallen head of a statue that strongly resembled Strider. "Boromir" proceeded to tell Robin that if he gave him the Ring, he would be happier and freer but Robin wouldn't give it to him. "Boromir" then tried to take the Ring from him but Robin knocked him out again and found out that "Boromir" was the hobbit (but he already knew that). Robin raced back to the boats and after he had boat-jacked one of the boats, he found out that Sammy had been sleeping in it so he woke him up. "Beat it kid," Robin said. "I'm going home, and I'm going home alone."

"Of course you are, and I'm going with you," Sammy said.

"But if you come with me, then I won't be alone - now will I?"

Sammy sat on the beach trying to think of something heart-wrenching to say, since it was almost the end of the movie. Seizing the chance, Robin got in the boat and started paddling. Sammy, realizing he had been tricked, jumped in the water and tried to drown himself.

"Stand up, goofy!" Robin yelled.

Sam stood up. "It's a miracle, Mr. Robin, I CAN SEE AGAIN!! Oh wait, wrong show." So after hitting him over the head with his paddle for being stupid, Robin had to let him on the boat and go home "alone" so Sammy wouldn't try to drown himself again.

Here endeth Parteth One of

How Robin Hood Destroyed the Ring of Power