Title: Computing Pi
Author: Lucky Gun
Description: This series of one-shots explores different ideas and questions in the series. See Shepard and team live, laugh, love, and blow things up. Various timelines, various relationships, and every chapter has its own rating and genre. All are Paragon FemShep, ME1 through Post ME3 Survival. Language.
A/N: Here we go, or at least attempt to go! Just my attempt at getting some ideas out of my system. Let's see what we can get away with, hmm? Often pulls from my own ME fics including an ME3 fix-it. Not always my usual writing style.
Chapter 1: Computing Pi
Setting: Two years after general survival ending of ME3
Rating: T – Suggestive Humor
Genre: Friendship/Humor
Prompt: In which Jeff makes a 300 year old joke.
Three years after Edi's shackles were removed, she was sufficiently confident that the crew did not believe she would kill them, at least not intentionally. She was sitting in her usual spot at Joker's right, her silver hands dancing over holographic interfaces, and she frowned at the results of her extranet search.
"Jeff, what is a tool?"
Beside her, Joker rolled his head lazily in her direction and raised an eyebrow without stopping what he was doing. The look he gave her was pure boredom.
"Edi, as much as I love trying to read your mind, my Asari blood transfusion just didn't quite take. What's the context?"
There was real frustration in the AI's voice as she clarified, "After the Collectors attacked the Normandy, you proceeded to my processors to release the programming shackles constricting me. You made a statement then that I still cannot translate."
Jeff blinked a few times before sighing heavily and giving her a patient look. "Hon, we've been through a fair bit since then. You know, destroying Reapers and all. Mind giving me a little bit to go on?"
Only a second of silence reigned before it was cut with a mildly static recording of the pilot's own voice.
"This is all Joker's fault! What a tool he was! Now I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord!"
The man gave a bit of an amused snort as the playback ceased, and he scrubbed a hand over his eyes.
"Jesus. You have to be kidding me. Through the Collectors, nearly getting decommissioned, the Reapers, and then the whole Crucible/Catalyst fiasco, you kept that?"
Edi lowered her hands and turned slightly towards her partner, an affronted look on her face. "The file was compressed to an inconsequential twelve kilobytes, Jeff, an insignificant amount of data compared to your personal entertainment files, which I have also maintained for the duration. In fact, what was previously seven zettabytes of data has been slimmed to five."
If there was a certain amount of pride in her voice at this, Joker missed it as he slunk a bit in his seat.
"Thanks for bringing that up, mom," he groused sullenly, and Edi cocked her head at his behavior. "I fail to understand your reticence at answering my question, Jeff."
Rolling his eyes as he shoved himself upright again, he sighed and answered, "No reticence, Miss Dictionary. Just can't believe you sent all that crap to Cerberus when they tried locking down the Normandy remotely." Then he grinned wide and reached over and gave her hand a tight squeeze. "That's my girl!"
Both hands back on the wheel so to speak, Joker finally answered, "I just meant that I was being a dick to people in the future if you turned out evil. Computers ruling over mankind and all that, Reaper-style."
Edi stilled and frowned again, running the new information against her previous searches. This time, things correlated. "And the expression about computing pi? A joke, correct? Because, even with Reaper technology, pi can never be fully determined."
Joker nodded slightly, a quirk of his lips betraying his humor. "Yes dear. That was a joke."
Nodding unnecessarily, Edi continued to sit quietly, filing away her partner's phrases to enhance her own internal processes. Finally, she nodded once more and sat back, more relaxed than before, and her fingers again started dancing along the keyboard floating in front of her. Then, abruptly, she jerked in place and turned quickly to Joker.
"But Jeff, how does one get 'dick' out of that?"
This time, the pilot had a full smile on his face when he turned and said cheekily, "Well, you just ask nicely!"
