Readers: This story was meant as a joke. It is not my natural writing style. It was purposefully written to sound like it was ripped out of a gaudy dime store romance novel. I like writing badfic. It's great for writer's block. Anyway, enjoy yourselves. I hope you can tell I did.

SPECIAL THANKS TO JAYCEEE FROM IRC FOR THE TITLE. Here's hoping I don't get banned. Cheers!~


Kyle fell back against the hundreds of fluffy, heart-shaped pillows Stan had on his bed. He gasped, blushing, as rose petals fell gracefully onto him.

"Stan," he gasped again, "Please be gentle with me."

Stan fell atop of him and ripped his lover's shirt apart. Kyle gasped again as Stan revealed his ivory skin. Stan licked his lips as he drank in the sight of Kyle, vulnerable against Stan's red satin sheets. Kyle blinked innocently at Stan as Stan ripped his own shirt off, revealing his chiselled body and rippling abs, totally not uncommon for a teenage boy.

"I'm going to ravage you," Stan growled. Kyle gasped, letting his head fall to the side.

"Do as you must," he whispered.

"What?" Stan asked.

"Do as you must," Kyle said, a little louder.

"Oh," Stan said. "I didn't hear you the first time."

Stan removed his pants quickly. Apparently he had been wearing sweatpants.

He pulled out his quivering desire and Kyle gasped at it.

"It's so large," Kyle said, because it was at least twelve inches long.

"I know," Stan said. "I drink a lot of milk."

Stan then thrust his deflowering man-rod into Kyle's love hole.

"Oh, yes, my lover," Kyle moaned, "It feels so good!" Kyle moaned as Stan filled him with his hot, wet fluids of passion.

Stan collapsed onto Kyle, sweat slicking their bodies like Pam on the bottom of a cookie sheet.

"I love you," Kyle cried as he traced hearts and unicorns and butterflies on Stan's back with his finger.

"I love you too, my delicate flower," Stan said. "I love you too."


AHHHH.

-SDez