Smoker had decided what kind of day today was going to be. It was going to be a good day. He had no meetings, he wasn't hungover at all, and there was enough breeze to shove his ship along without making it difficult to keep his smoke form together, if it turned out he had occasion to use it. He had all the elements of a good day.
Portgas D. Ace, as per usual, decided to ruin everything.
"Captaaaiiin..."
Smoker hunched over his half-finished report, determined not to look at the pirate and thus encourage him. "No."
Ace draped himself over the Marine's shoulders, slightly awkwardly to avoid the seastone tip of Smoker's jutte. "Mmm, but it's been nearly forever..."
Smoker tried briefly to shrug off this unwanted second coat before responding. "So?"
"But..." Ace craned his neck around to look into the older man's face. Cold realization struck him. "Wait a minute. You're yanking my chain!"
Smoker smirked, and Ace reeled back, dazed and confused.
"That's impossible! I've always had more endurance than you! This... this..." He pointed a trembling, accusative finger at the other's back. "This is completely unacceptable! What happened?"
"That's for me to know and you to wonder about, Portgas." Smoker couldn't keep the triumph out of his voice. He had won, and Ace knew it. Today truly was shaping to be excellent indeed.
"No! This can't be happening!" Ace, desperation in his voice, reached a hand down to grab Smoker in a sensitive place.
The Marine slapped the hand away carelessly. "Go back to your ship."
A brisk knocking came from the door. Feeling sudden heat behind him, Smoker paused and glanced around for the miniature fireball that was his (ex-)lover; Ace had concealed himself behind the desk. Fine by him. Portgas would soon realize he could no longer be swayed so easily. "Come in."
Tashigi stumbled in and threw a formal salute to her commanding officer. "Sir! Black Cage Hina's ship has drawn alongside and she is requesting permission to board. Sir!"
Smoker examined her unusually correct posture and fearful expression. He grunted. "She's right behind you."
"Yessir!" confirmed Tashigi.
There was silence for a moment, and Hina finally brushed past Tashigi into Smoker's office. She folded her arms and stared him down, eyes narrow.
Smoker met her gaze steadily. Tashigi glanced between them nervously.
"Hina vexed," Hina finally said, placing careful emphasis on the final word.
"Oh really?" Irony licked at the edges of Smoker's voice.
The woman opposite him held firm for only a moment longer before her arms fell and her eyes widened. "You haven't called, Smoker. You haven't... nothing... Hina... I..." With surprising suddenness, the Black Cage lunged forward, grabbing both sides of Smoker's face and dragging him into a rough kiss.
Tashigi yelped. "Ca-captain! You said- I thought- didn't we? No?" She made a small whimpering sound.
"No!" Ace cried, springing up from his fireball. "Captain! You've gone straight on meee..."
Or maybe today would be very, very bad.
