Don't own Bleach, don't own the song ("Clouds Crash, by the Matches—if you listen to it for this story just imagine a chick singing). People will probably be out of character, but that's ok (at least with me) because this pairing won't be happening anytime soon in the series. Or ever. No matter how much I or anyone else likes them. So out of character ness to me would make sense to pit Rukia and Hitsugaya together. And if you like Hinamori, sorry kiddo. I don't mean to make her come off as anything horrible, but writing up her fate as I do in this story just made it easier for those two to connect.
p.s. if it's a tad redundant or…bad in general…I don't apologize. This is for fun. (Besides, I hadn't written in a while) Also, I like stories with strong, independent women (I guess it's just the feminist in me)—none of that damsel in distress crap. Rukia is definitely not that distressed princess type to begin with (especially attitude-wise), and so for this story she'll be stronger with more of her inner demons tamed.
p.s.s. It's fan-fiction. If it doesn't make sense, chill out.
"Love And…"
Prologue: Love and Loss: finding new friends in dark places
After all the years, the friendship, the love… she had left. His first love and long-time friend had gone from his side forever to remain the ever-faithful vice-captain of a power hungry monster.
No injury was more painful than the blow he received when he realized that he was not enough to make her stay.
Comrades and enemies alike were strewn about the battle field. Bruised, battered, dead…
Aizen was dead—and it was for real this time—along with his fellow traitors, Gin Ichimaru, Kaname Tousen, and the most recently added Momo Hinamori. Their corpses were found, inspected, and disposed of.
It was the end. That was when the snow began.
Two and a half months later.
It was snowing. AGAIN. It had been going on and off ever since the defeat of Aizen nearly three months ago. Everyone was getting sick of it—even the captains. His colleagues had tried to talk to him, help him over come his grief. The results were little to none. Pretty obvious when you consider that it was supposed to be early spring.
Everyone tried to comfort him, make him see reason, but no one ever dared complain. Not out loud, and especially not to him.
Though young and on the short side, captain Toushiro Hitsugaya of the 10th division was not someone to mess with when upset. It wasn't a suggestion. It wasn't a standard Soul Society rule. It was a fucking law of nature.
So when 10th division vice-captain Rangiku Matsumoto and fellow vice-captains Izuru Kira and Shuhei Hisagi stumbled into his office piss-drunk and dripping wet from the snow, complaining about moody ice zanpakuto users and the very out of whack seasons, Hitsugaya slammed his pen down onto the form he was working on and walked out the door. It started snowing harder.
The streets of Soul Society were empty. Not many could stand the cold besides him. He was, after all, the one causing it! And who could blame him? During the war, his childhood friend and crush had left him and the rest of Soul Society to side with Aizen. A loyal vice-captain 'til the end…
God he needed a distraction.
Hitsugaya had cooled down by the time he neared one of the courtyards close to the 13th Division. As he closed in on the 13th division grounds, he heard humming. And then, there was a voice, gentle with an air of sentimentality about it. Within it he heard acceptance slightly tinged with regret.
"Clouds crash on the hillside
Set to sail your soul at high tide
High time you left that shadow
Dead weight in the meadow
Let it follow far below
Oh oh oh
Woah what a ceiling
All the angels cracked and peeling
Revealing constellations
One day you will name one
After the boy that you knew when
You were back in middle school and
Engraved his name in love notes
Every one retained though
In a box behind your rain coats
Oh those days when rainy days meant
Trace the spaces rain drops made when
Racing 'cross the windshield
The pace of life wasn't real
Oh though how it quickened
How the slope began to slicken
You slip into a grin then begin with where you've been and
In my linen you are skin again"
As the voice continued, Hitsugaya found its source. He lightly chided himself; he should've known it was her. She did, after all, have an ice zanpakuto like he did. She was more than capable of surviving the snow. He put off approaching her for a few moments. The song was ending.
Óh oh clouds crash on the hillside
Set to sail your soul at high tide
High time you left that shadow
Dead weight in the meadow
In my linen you are skin again…"
The source of the song was perched in a tree, eyes closed with a peaceful expression on her face. Hitsugaya walked up to her.
"You sing way better than you draw." He said.
Surprised indigo eyes met his teal.
"Captain Hitsugaya!" exclaimed Rukia Kuchiki. The 13th squad reaper leapt down next to him and bowed. "I'm sorry! I didn't sense you coming."
"No need to apologize Kuchiki." Hitsugaya waved her off.
"Yes, sir."
The young ice captain noticed Rukia's flustered expression and the tiny glint in her eyes. 'She's probably irked about the drawing comment.' He mused. The young captain had gotten to know his subordinate's antics during the first mission to Karakura before the war. He knew the girl could be quite vicious about her artistic ability. Ichigo Kurosaki had the bruises to prove it. He decided to change the subject before she could have any thoughts about kicking him.
"What was that song you were singing?" he asked.
"Oh, just something I picked up while staying on the human world." She replied. She leaned against the tree and looked up at the sky.
She tentatively began, "I think the song calls to let the past go. All your guilt, regrets, last chances…your should-have, could-have, would-haves. The past will always be there—you can't change it. You can still look back even when you don't hold on to it."
Hitsugaya looked at Rukia, blue eyes questioning. What was she getting at? "If you look back to the past even though you've let go, what was the point of letting go in the first place?" he questioned. He wasn't terribly into the idea of a subordinate trying to give him insight on his life.
Rukia stared. "That last part didn't quite make sense then, did it?" She chuckled.
Her companion merely nodded.
"What I meat to express was…if…no…ah!" Rukia's brows were furrowed in concentration.
"Got your words ready, Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya allowed himself a small smirk. But only just a tiny one.
Rukia simply blushed and continued, "What I meant was, since the past is unchangeable and will always be there, don't cling too tightly to it. That'll only keep you from moving forward to the future.""
"Memories are treasures, not chains that bind…" Hitsugaya summed up softly. Rukia nodded. A moment of silence passed between them.
"You must know about the previous vice-captain of my squad." The ebony-haired soul reaper stated.
"A little…" Hitsugaya actually knew the whole thing. Matsumoto was a hopeless gossip fiend. "All of the captains agree they would have done the same had they been in your position. I would rather die than be controlled by a hollow…consumed and turned into a monster, knowing I'd hurt my comrades and loved ones…" the ivory-haired boy glanced at his companion. A small rueful smile graced her lips.
"I blamed myself so long for not being strong enough or smart enough to find a better way."
It was out of character for the young man to be so openly emotional with his actions and words (the snow was something he couldn't exactly help most of the time), but he couldn't be so much of a jerk to a young lady who just allowed him into a small moment of a very personal past. Hitsugaya placed a hand on her shoulder. "No one blamed you…I know I didn't."
"You should offer yourself the same courtesy, Captain." She knew he blamed himself for not being enough to make Hinamori stay. Not enough to keep her from following her heart into the lion's den.
Hitsugaya's eyes widened. "W-what?!?" he was stunned. But one look into Rukia's eyes and he knew she really understood the feelings of loss and regret and just not being enough to be wanted, dammit!
Rukia merely shrugged and said, "I love the snow—being an ice wielder myself—but I can't enjoy it when I know it's from someone's broken heart. Please feel better, Captain."
As she turned to walk away, he called. "Hey, Kuchiki!" she paused to look back at him. "Can we…talk? Sometime?" he almost timidly asked. He could see it surprised her.
Rukia smiled, not the one from earlier that spoke of hand times, but a smile that was the warmest thing ever to grace Soul Society since the day the snow began.
"Whenever you're ready, sir"
Hitsugaya smiled back (for the first time in ages!).
The snow was coming to a halt.
It was melting! The snow was melting! No one could believe it! Soul Society's well-deserved spring was coming!
Of course, everyone was wondering just what the hell was going on over at the 10th division. However, no one dared ask questions yet for fear of bringing back the cold. That never stopped anyone form stopping by to observe "Snow Machine" Hitsugaya (people prayed dearly that he not find out about the nickname).
It had been three weeks since Hitsugaya had overheard Rukia singing and since then, a small friendship slowly began to form. Five days after the initial run in, the young captain found the girl sitting in the same tree.
Flashback to 5 days after the singing incident!
Rukia was day dreaming about just how much better her life would be if she had the new My-Size-Chappy doll. So when Hitsuguya had greeted her, Rukia promptly fell out of the tree.
"Wha!" she yelled as her arms flailed through the air. Hitsugaya merely laughed as she landed with a thud.
"What were you thinking about that had you so wrapped up?" he asked.
Rukia blushed a little 'There is no way I'm telling him about Chappy. He's a captain for god's sake!' she thought. She finally answered "Hehe, nothing any consequence, sir." She flashed him a small smile while getting up.
"Mmhmm…" Hitsugaya let it go. 'Judging form the look on her face,' he thought, 'it could be something completely silly.
"Anyways…" the young man continued. He wasn't sure how to go on. Matsumoto had him frustrated again by the mere negligence of her paperwork and he had thought it might be a good idea to take another walk…maybe "bump" into the youngest Kuchiki again (he ran a full on search of Soul Society for her reiatsu) and take her up on that offer to talk. Just to vent things out.
But he had no idea how to start. 'So I was really bummed for a while and I still kind of am' seemed like a dumb way to begin. He wasn't used to this sort of socializing, this…touchy-feely-emotional-counseling stuff.
So Toushiro Hitsugaya, fearless and strict captain of the 10th division, got nervous. Rukia could tell since the temperature had begun to drop. It hadn't snowed since their first run in. If it got any colder the now melting snow could ice over—if the population of Soul Society couldn't handle the snow, how in the world would they deal with slippery ice?
So she took it upon herself to start. "So…is Vice-captain Matsumoto still dodging paperwork?" she giggled. She then thanked her stars as the temperature normalized.
"Tch." Hitsugaya shook his head. "When does she not?" he plopped himself down at the base of the tree and motioned for Rukia to do the same.
He continued, "I should be used to this by now, but…" There went another five degrees form the temperature. He was getting nervous again. "…I've been so on edge lately." He finished.
Rukia, who was more wise and sensitive than anyone gave her credit for, assured him, "We don't have to do this now. It could wait for tomorrow, or the day after…we could wait a month until you're ready to talk." She tentatively put a hand on his shoulder. "And I'm not talking about how lazy your vice-captain's being." She smiled.
Hitsugaya shook his head. "I'm not weak."
"I never said you were. The mere fact that you're here trying to talk is a sign of your heart's strength." Rukia comforted.
"I'd like to stop feeling this. I want to move on…" His voice cracked. She looked at his face, young like hers, eyes threatened by tears.
"We don't have to rush this. I have today off. I'll gladly wait 'til your ready," her voice was gentle and sincere. She was so nice. They were all too nice. He was mourning a traitor and no one even scolded him for feeling as rotten as he did!
Snow began to fall.
"She wouldn't stay!" he yelled, slamming a fist into the ground. "Why wouldn't she stay? Weren't her friends here enough? Wasn't' I enough? That goddamn traitor could only offer her misery!" his breathing was fast and shallow and the temperature had dropped yet again. "I would have given her everything…" he trailed off.
Rukia breathed in deep, choosing her words and trying to empathize with the 10th division captain. She didn't need a name to know who he was talking about. Rukia slowly exhaled. "Captain, sometimes people don't want what's best for them."
"And sometimes people are just plain dumbasses." He was so angry about Momo's path, so torn up. "She wasted her life!" he was shaking.
The snow thickened. A wind picked up.
Rukia slowly, carefully put her arm around him. Hitsugaya made no move to accept the contact, but he did not deny it either.
"In life, we must all make our own decisions and live with them. As warriors we must also choose the battles worth fighting. I have always been told by my captain that we choose to fight to preserve life or to preserve honor." Rukia paused. 'This could get dicey,' she thought. However, she soldiered on.
"A friend of mine once told me that we ultimately fight for our hearts. Miss Hinamori (Hitsugaya winced at the sound of her name)...even though it was a decision that hurt herself, Soul Society, her friends, and unfortunately you (she tightened her arm around him)…I think your dear friend was quite respectable, even 'til the end."
Hitsugaya threw a sharp look at her.
The snow thickened again. The wind howled.
"Ah! Let me explain!" Rukia exclaimed. "I don't agree with what Aizen did at all. He was, after all, the one who tried to get me executed, and I would never side with him ever…but I get the feeling that Miss Hinamori was merely following her heart. As much as it hurt the ones she left behind and herself, she was living her life in the best way she thought she could. All we can expect from ourselves is to live life the best way we can on our own terms and no one else's."
"She did the best she could…" Hitsugaya whispered. "She followed her damn heart into the lion's den!" his head was hung low.
"A decision she made of her own free will." Rukia softly replied.
"She didn't want me. My heart called for hers but she just wouldn't hear it…" he sounded so broken.
"I know...as much as you shout, sometimes you never get an answer, I know…"
"She didn't want me."
"But that doesn't mean she never cared for you either…" Hitsugaya ever so slightly leaned into Rukia's embrace, a hold that remained constant through out his small storm.
They sat in silence. The wind died down, the snow had lessened.
"You know, she and I both grew up in Rukongai together…" Hitsugaya began.
Rukia gave him a gentle smile. "Oh yeah?" she asked, encouraging him to go on.
"Yeah…"
The two spent the rest of the day trading stories and memories of the ones they held dear.
The snow had finally stopped.
End prologue.
Things will probably get sillier from this point on. Good luck.
