Disclaimer: If I owned TMNT, do you think I'd be writing fanfiction?
Superiority
It's hard to look Leo in the face since they defeated the Generals. Raph could try to pretend things are alright again, give in to Mikey's desperate delusions and believe right along side him that just because their big brother's home with them again that everything is the way it's supposed to be. But Raph's stronger than Mikey, he can face reality head on an barely flinch when it rears its ugly head.
Things aren't the same. Things are worse, and they won't be getting any better any time soon. And it's Raph's little secret because he can't bring himself to tell his younger brothers he almost killed Leo just a few nights ago. It's his and Leo's dirty little secret, the one that gives them both nightmares.
And sitting on the couch beside Mikey, watching a marathon of bad horror movies for kicks still isn't enough to drown out the whisper in his ear that constantly reminds him of what he almost did. Raph crushes the soda can in his hand, tosses it over his shoulder and decides the ceiling might hold some form of solution to his problems. All he sees are pipes and cobwebs.
Of course the ceiling would be of no help. The solution to his conscience's constant nagging is in another room, silenced and secluded.
Raph doesn't say a word as he stands, vaults over the couch and then starts toward the hall.
"Where are you going?" Donnie asks, looking up from the book he's been reading for the last two hours straight. Raph doesn't understand how Donnie can read with the TV volume almost at its maximum.
"For a walk," Raph replies quickly, never turning around and never stopping his stride. He stops only when he walks into the training area. Sure enough, Leo's there, eyes closed, legs crossed under him, breathing shallow. Raph watches his chest heave for a few seconds before he clears his throat and makes himself known.
Leo opens his eyes. "Raph," he says, "what are you doing here? I thought you were watching movies with Mikey."
"I was. But all them bad horror flicks were givin' me a headache. Thought I'd come relieve some stress." He wants to pretend he was clueless about Leo meditating now, and he wants Leo to believe him coming in so casually was an accident, a pure coincidence. They both know better.
"What do you want, Raph?" Leo asks, sighing as he stands. He rolls his shoulders and Raph watches those stiff muscles loosen intently.
"I told ya. To relieve some stress," the second younger of the two says. He eyes Leo for a moment, then without warning charges. His fists fly and Leo is blocking every punch with trained ease. Raph tries a kick; Leo blocks with a fist. That same fist opens moments later, ensnares Raph's shin and Leo's tugs, pulling his younger brother to the ground. A foot on Raph's chest tells him it's over.
"Are you done?" Leo demands, eyes narrowed in a glare.
"Not quite," Raph says, shoving his brother off of him and standing up. He brushes off his plastron. "I got a favor to ask ya, big brother."
Leo raises a brow. "What?"
"I keep thinkin' about it," Raph starts from the beginning. "That night. You and me. The way I almost... It won't leave me alone, Leo. It's always on my mind – even at night. I have nightmares 'bout it." He steals a glance at Leo, who's avoiding his gaze all together. "Do you think about it, too?"
"Yeah," replies Leo. "All the time."
Raph can't say he's sorry, so he offers up the next best thing. "Look, let's even the score, alright?" Now Leo's looking at him and Raph wonders what kind of crazy, wide-eyed monster his brother is staring at. "Hit me. Or somethin'."
"What—" Leo starts but never finishes. Raph's coming at him again, sais drawn this time. Raph knew it wouldn't be easy to make his brother extract revenge, so he'll motivate him the only way he knows how.
Leo steps aside and in one fluid movement he has his brother on his back again, sais discarded and skidding to a halt somewhere across the floor.
"Are you insane?" Leo snaps and reluctantly helps Raph to his feet again. Raph doesn't respond, he simply stares at his feet, hating himself for being so reckless. He should have meant his attack, shouldn't have been playing games.
When Raph finally finds the courage to speak, he avoids Leo's insulting question and in turn asks, "why? Why won'tcha hurt me?"
Leo says nothing, he only stares.
"I almost killed you!" The words sting more than he thought they would. So he washes his mouth clean the only way he knows how. "Hit me, goddamn, Leo!"
Leo's stare turns cold and hard and it makes Raph feel like he's facing off with stone. Leo's response is short and simple, brutal. "I've told you before, I'll say it again: I'm better than you."
Raph watches Leo leave the training area. His insides are trembling. Having Leo remind him once again who the better son is, who the stronger of the two is, and walk away without a second thought is worse than being beaten senseless.
He leaves the training area and returns to watch the movies with Mikey, only to find the volume is turned down and Mikey's suddenly more focused on watching Donnie read than the gruesome zombie on the screen.
The little spat between the older brothers must have carried into this room.
Mikey looks over his shoulder at Raph, tries to smile and fails – something Mikey's never failed at.
Raph shakes his head. This is so much worse than what he had asked for. And yet...
He knows it's exactly what he deserves.
-End
