Title: The ARK Angels of DX in the Case of the Ex
Author: Kaykyaka
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the WWE and TNA characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.
Ratings: T
Characters: Shawn, Cameron and Cheyenne Michaels, Amy 'Lita' Dumas Michaels, Hunter Hurst Helmsley, LC Helmsley, Aurora Rose Helmsley, Chyna, Trish and Randy Orton, Melina and Johnny Hennigan, Edge, The Hardys, Stephanie McMahon, The Rock, various WWE and TNA wrestlers.
Summary: The ARK Angels of DX are filming a movie with The Rock in Los Angeles and Triple H decides he has to know who Stephanie McMahon's new love is. Jealousy rears its ugly head for Amy as Shawn wonders why his wife isn't paying any attention to him while her ex-boyfriends are.
A/N: This chapter contains slight sexual references.
Chapter One – Wedding Bells
The Sandbox, Greenwich, CT at 10am:
Triple H jumped down the stairs forgetting that he wasn't Spiderman and some half-way in the air he crashed and rolled to the bottom of the staircase landing at Joanie's feet. The former Women's Champion shook her head and helped her boyfriend to his feet. The pained co-owner hugged her gratefully as she tried not to laugh in his wincing face.
"Who do you think you are, Jeff Hardy?" Chyna asked him gently rubbing his now aching lower back.
"Do not mention that man's name in this house," Triple H said his face darkening at the very mention of The Charismatic Enigma's name.
Chyna remembered why Hunter didn't want Jeff Hardy's name mentioned, "Are you still mad about him not showing up for the Smackdown tapings?" she asked.
"We built the whole show around his match with Edge and he doesn't show up, yeah I think its safe to say that I'm still pissed at the over-rated sonofabitch," Hunter spat angrily and before he had a chance to go into one Chyna pointed to the top of the stairs at Shawn Michaels who leapt into the air and remained there for what seemed like forever before crashing down on Hunter and DX rolled to the main entrance of the The Sandbox before stopping with a loud thud by the door.
Chyna crashed down on the floor holding her sides laughing hysterically at the expression on Hunter's face when the athletic and death-defying Shawn Michaels fell on him from the ceiling. Shawn's equally amused wife appeared at the top of the staircase holding her newborn baby girl Rebecca Michelle in her arms. Hunter pushed Shawn off of him and started kicking HBK much to Amy's anger and the Anointed one stepped down the staircase towards the Cerebral Assassin and swiftly kicked him in the ribs sending a shot of pain through him as she did so.
"Argh, that was totally un-called for!" Hunter yelped.
"No it wasn't, how dare you kick my husband!" Amy replied her Righteous Indignation activated at her red locks flailing above her head as she locked eyes with the man who had inflicted pain on her husband. Shawn kissed Amy on the cheek and apologized to Hunter before doing a cartwheel, followed by a moonsault followed by a Ric Flair strut. Hunter and Chyna exchanged confused glances with Amy wondering what was with the other side of DX. Big Red explained what was up with HBK with three simple words:
"We had sex," she said and Hunter and Chyna nodded before laughing at the top of their lungs.
"So did we!" they said in unison before sharing a hi-five with Amy.
"Yeah but had you been saving yourselves until after Rebecca Michelle was born and the ARK Angels were out of the house?" Amy asked.
"No," Hunter and Joanie replied.
"Why would we do that?" Hunter asked confused, "If we wanna have sex, we have sex,"
"Yeah we don't have to ask God for permission, that's you guys not us," Chyna replied.
"Watch out!" Amy cried as Shawn leap-frogged over both Hunter and Chyna's heads onto the ground and planted a big kiss on Amy's lips.
Hunter and Joanie rolled their eyes as Shawn danced around her in celebration of their Private Sex Celebration that so far had been on-going for over a week. Since the ARK Angels left with The Rock for California to film his latest movie, they'd been at it like the world was ending.
"Can we go back upstairs now?" Shawn asked Amy who blushed at the implications of going back upstairs with HBK, her back was already killing her from their early bird session, if she went back upstairs she might need surgery.
"Yes please take him back upstairs he's getting on my nerves," Hunter said.
"Hey at least Shawn didn't kill himself trying to jump down those stairs," Amy replied in her husband's defense.
"He's the reason I jumped in the first place, ever since you two started up Shawn and Amy's Wild Ride I can't get any peace and quiet around here," Hunter complained and Shawn frowned.
"What on Earth do you need peace and quiet for?" Shawn asked The Game suspiciously before slapping Amy cheekily on the behind and the Anointed one winced.
"Easy Shawn I'm still sore back there," she said and Shawn giggled while Hunter turned his nose up at his best friend.
"Ew, too much information!" he said annoyed, "Say if I didn't know better I swear you two were trying to make me jealous of your newly re-born sex life,"
"What's this?" Joanie said as Amy handed the sleeping Rebecca Michelle to her.
"It's a girl, congratulations she's yours for the next hour. Come on Heartbreak Kid let's ride!" Amy said and Shawn flung her over his shoulder and bolted up the stairs to the East Wing of the Sandbox while Hunter and Joanie stood at the bottom of the stairs with their mouths open.
"What just happened? Did Shawn and Amy palm their newborn baby off on us so they could have hot, passion-filled sex in the privacy of their bedroom?!" Hunter asked in shock and Joanie nodded.
"Yup," she replied hugging baby Rebecca to her lovingly.
"That's my routine, I palm off Aurora on that bastard Jeff Hardy so we can have hot, passionate sex in the privacy of our bedroom!" Hunter replied angrily.
"If you call outside in the Palatial Gardens privacy, or inside the living room and on the kitchen floor privacy," Chyna replied.
"Whatever, wherever we do it its hot and passionate and I resent being baby-sitter while Shawn and Amy satisfy their martial needs," Hunter said and Joanie shrugged indifferently.
"So what are you gonna do about it?" Joanie asked as The Game formed a plan in his brain for revenge on the Heartbreak Kid and Big Red.
"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do my friend and long-time lover, I'm going to call Stephanie and palm Rebecca Michelle off on her. She must be getting sick of Aurora by now, then we can have sex all we want, whenever we want, wherever we want!" Hunter said and Chyna smiled.
"I like that idea," she said as Hunter dialed Stephanie's cell-phone.
"Hello Steph? Its Hunter, look I need to ask you a favor. What do you mean you can't talk now, no it can't wait this is important Shawn and Amy are having hot, passionate sex and I'm not now are you going to help me get back at them by baby-sitting Rebecca Michelle for awhile or not?! Hello?"
"What happened?" Joanie asked as Hunter's cell-phone went dead.
"She hung up on me, she said she didn't have time to talk to me. What she doing in New York apart from spending her newly restored wealth on Aurora?" Hunter wondered scratching his head with his cell phone.
"What is it, you look like you just had a thought Assman?" Chyna said as The Game reflected on the conversation.
"What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" Hunter said and Joanie laughed.
"I'd say it was about time and then I'd laugh and laugh and laugh, why?" Joanie replied. Hunter dropped to one knee and Joanie's heart skipped a beat, she noticed Shawn and Amy had returned and were coming down the staircase towards her.
"Okay if this is your idea of a joke its not funny," Joanie said to them all but nobody was laughing. Amy took baby Rebecca Michelle away from Joanie so that Hunter could take her by both hands and ask her the question he'd been dying to ask her for years but he just wanted to moment to be right and it was the right moment now. An emerald–encrusted diamond ring appeared inside a black box and all questions as to whether or not this was a typical DX prank were quickly answered.
Shawn opened the door and Stephanie McMahon, The Rock and The ARK Angels came in and Joanie was wrecked - she'd been completely punked by all of them!
"I think baby Rebecca Michelle just got her first taste of our business because that was one hell of a rib," Stephanie McMahon said and everyone laughed in agreement as Joanie tried to contain herself in this amazing turn of events.
"Joanie Marie Laurer, will you marry me?" Hunter said and Chyna's heart flipped.
"Yes!" she replied boldly and she flung her arms around Hunter who hugged her back and swung her around, just missing LC's head by a fraction.
"Hey watch it!" LC complained while everyone applauded the fact that Joanie and Hunter were finally engaged to be married. Cameron nudged his fiancé on the shoulder hoping that for once she's be a little emotional for her parents.
"Come on babe, this makes your dream of having a real family finally come true," Cameron said.
"Cameron I swear to God if you make me cry in front of The Rock I will make sure I don't bear your children with my Ax of Judgment!" LC snapped and Cameron rolled his eyes.
"Just make with the tears already, everybody else is why should you be any different?" Cameron said as tears of joy fell for Hunter and Joanie.
"Rebecca Michelle's not crying," LC replied defiantly.
"Come here baby doll," Hunter said picking up LC and hugging her between him and Joanie and Cameron hid behind his father as The Game glared at him, "Don't listen to that wuss, you be tough don't cry over your mother and me getting married. Big girls don't cry, remember?" Hunter said to his daughter.
"I remember," LC said sniffing.
"What was that?" Hunter asked as a stray tear fell from LC's cheek.
"Nothing I was just laughing over the fact that mom and Aunt Steph have the same middle name that's all," LC joked and before long the floodgates were open and The ARK started balling in front of everyone, including The Rock.
"So she is human, the girl had me convinced she was from another planet where girls don't cry," Dwayne said.
"There's no such planet," Stephanie said wiping tears from her eyes and she looked down at Aurora whose eyes were bone dry, "Then again maybe there is one because you certainly are not from this planet Aurora,"
Aurora Rose looked up into her mother's green eyes with steel blue ones of her own that were like ice chips and she wriggled out of her mother's arms towards the front door of the Sandbox.
"Where's she going in such a hurry?" Shawn said as Stephanie went after her firstborn daughter and picked her up and as usual Aurora threw a tantrum.
"Simone's in the car she must miss her, I'll go get her I'll be right back," Stephanie said and she exited out the front door towards the People's Car, but it wasn't Simone she was taking Aurora to see at all, the identity of this person had to remain a secret from Hunter for as long as possible.
