It all started back in 1985 when a normal run-of-the-mill square fell for a rebellious Z shape from the wrong side of the tracks. Though they worked well as a team there always seemed to be someone in between them. Z was always talking about past relationship and how they never had problems. He would say with them everything seemed to always fall into place. However, this wasn't the case for Z and square. They had problems ever since they met and now much worse than they thought it ever could be. Lately, they've grown distant.They would do everything they could to not be near one another. Square as always hard pressed and rushin' around quickly to get places away Z, where as Z would doddle and move slowly so they would stay apart as long as possible. They both have anger issues from never compromising and also sexual frustrations. The two never could quite cum together and it always seemed a little awkward, which caused Z to think that square might have been having an affair on the side. Their marriage was a sad song that seemed to play on repeat over and over and over again. The longer it played the more their bad marriage felt like bricks stacking ontop of them until they were completely covered and would never be able to dig themselves out. But Z did the day his wife and new baby came home from the hospital...
"Aren't you happy to see us?" Square said already feeling the hosility in the air while walking through the front door.
"Ecstatic, whats for dinner" Z said monotonally not looking up from the tv.
"What's your problem Z? Already starting with this crap not 5 minutes of your family being home and you're asking about dinner? My god you're a dick" she said calmly as not to wake the new bundle of geometric joy.
"What's my problem? WHAT'S MY PROBLEM?" he began raising up from his suede lazyboy, "my problem is that I work hard to give you everything woman and I'm sick of it so why don't you and that bastard go make me something to eat because I'm hungry!"
"How dare you raise your voice in front of our newborn child" she exclaimed wildly.
"Our child? Why don't you and OUR child go make me some cookies I hear your very good with the dough" he said in a bold matter-of-fact tone.
"What's THAT supposed to mean, Z? she cried out defensively.
"I think you know exactly what it means square. Let's just say I got a call from someone you're Very familiar with...does the name Yoshi ring a bell?" he snapped at her.
"Honey, honey, honey, that Yoshi guy is just someone I met down at the bally fitness center. We had a couple of protein drinks one day and talked nutrition. You know how I try to keep my shape for you my cute little bumbleZee bee." She said in a soft flirty voice.
"Well, that's not what he said and when I asked him questions he happy to give me more than just answers." Z said while throwing a handful of poloroid pictures at her.
"Why, what are these my piece of heaven?" she said again in that playful and coy voice.
"That my love, is a photo yoshi took of you dressed up in a slutty triangle outfit spread eagle on his bed. then there's one of you handcuffed to his bed. Oh and here's one of you on yours knees covered in Yoshi Cookie Dough." he spoke calmly now.
"Talking nutrition were you? Protein shakes? I didn't know having a faceful of a dinosaurs thick, sticky cookie dough was nutritious. I guess its good for your complexion with all the oatmeal and rasins and such, right? RIGHT? he went on.
"But ZeeZee baby! You're the only one for..." she started.
"Stop it, just stop with all the lies. You've been lying for years now Square. To think there you were dressing up like a kinky triangle and rubbing yourself down with babyoil for some stranger dinosaur that can't say anything except his own name and swallows "Koopas Troopas" on a daily basis. I had to be married to you for 2 years AND buy you a diamond pendant before you would let me see you without your bra!" Z said to her while walking into the kitchen.
"Well he wasn't the only one screaming his own name!" she cried out "his tongue is more of a man than you'll ever be with your crooked shape! You couldn't satisfy even the largest gaping circle in all of Tetris!!"
"It's ok now. It's all going to be ok" he said in a manically low tone voice as he was preheating the oven to 350 degrees.
"You know how you're always talking about how you wished you could loose a little weight so you would fit in those hard to reach spots a little easier, honey?" he began..."We'll I might not be a nutritionist but I believe I can help you"
Z lunges at Square knocking the soft square baby to the ground then proceed in grabbing her tightly at the throat. She struggled furiously at first then just a little and then she stopped moving. He continued to apply pressure until he was absolutely certain there wasn't a pixel of life in her. Having already pictured this moment in his head days before she would arrive home he had set the axe inside the hall closet for quick access. Driving that blade deep into her lifeless was the best feeling he had gotten penetrating her since before they were married. He carefully and skillfully chopped her into 4 smaller blocks that he then stuffed into a garbage bag to be put out with the rest of the TRASH on Monday. As for the baby, well, Z was quite hungry and just being around the little tike was enough to make anyone get a hankering for some fresh baked cookies.
"What is fresher than a newborn?" he asked himself.
Nothing
Nothing is fresher than a newborn. To which he sprayed some nonstick cooking spray on a flat baking sheet, put the baby on it and inserted it into the oven for 9-12 minutes.
"Victory never tasted sweeter" he thought to himself sitting at the table with a glass of cold milk.
2 weeks later he got a letter in the mail from the hospital Square was at. It was Postnatal Paternity test results that Square had asked the doctors to perform. Z's name was written in the box marked Father.
GAME OVER
