I know, I'm supposed to be on hiatus, but I always sneak in a few one-shots here and there. :) This was requested by Night Fury15 who read my rant on my story "Since Lightning Struck" about Valka, and requested this one-shot about...

Well, I'll let you all figure that out. :) Enjoy! :D

I never actually counted on seeing Berk again.

Twenty years before, if someone had been to tell me that someday, I would return to Berk, the Berkians having made peace with the dragons, I would have laughed at them. I might have even told them that they had lost their minds.

But now, here I am, sitting on Cloudjumper's back as we soar over Berk. It's the afternoon, but it's not hot. That's one of the things I still have yet to get used to. Berk is hardly ever hot, the temperatures normally varying from below freezing point, to barely above freezing point.

Of course, the temperature in the ice cave I used to live in was really no different, but at the same time, it was...entirely different.

I'm not used to getting along with people. I lived twenty years on Berk, and then spent twenty more years with the dragons. Returning to my old home is hard. Leaving my old one behind is even harder. Sometimes I even find myself asking why I don't go back.

Then, I get my answer.

It might be because of all the old friends I left before that are so happy to see me again. It might be because all the dragons I used to live with now live on Berk, and my old home has nothing for me. But the real reason, however, is Hiccup.

My son. I still haven't gotten used to the fact that he is my son. I hadn't even seen him for twenty years before my dragons found him and Toothless. I smile. It has only been three weeks since that day, yet it seems so long ago.

Twenty years, though. My smile vanishes at the thought. I feel ashamed with myself instantly. I had abandoned Stoick and Hiccup all those years ago. Hiccup lived his entire life without a mother, and now he is forced to move on without a father. Now that Stoick is gone, it's up to me to be there for Hiccup, to help him through being a Chief at such a young age.

The problem is, I don't know the first thing about Hiccup. He's my son, but I don't know anything about him.

The last time I saw Hiccup, he had two feet. Now, from the shin down, he is an amputee, and I don't know how it became so. I have asked him in the past, but he always shrugs it off with a comment along the lines of "I'm used to it" or "It's no big deal."

To a mother, though, it is a "big deal."

I have noticed whenever Astrid is near us when we talk about how he lost it (sometimes beside Hiccup, sometimes walking behind us), she seems to look terrified. When she's sitting next to him, she squeezes his hand, thinking I don't notice. If that is any indication, then Hiccup came close to losing much more than just his leg.

Where had I been? What kind of mother abandons their only son for dragons? What kind of mother am I?

I should have gone back to Berk, even once. I could have looked on Berk from afar, just to make sure that Hiccup and Stoick were alright, and that they were safe. Maybe, if I had done that, I would have noticed when Hiccup was unconscious after losing his leg (Fishlegs told me before that Hiccup was in a coma for a week after that event, although he refused to say anything else, telling me that it is a story for Hiccup to tell). Maybe I could have showed myself then, after Berk made peace with dragons. Maybe I could have even gone back, and helped Hiccup through getting used to a peg-leg.

Maybe Stoick would have never been killed. Maybe Hiccup wouldn't have to go through the pain of mourning and trying desperately to pick up where his father left off.

But I didn't, and now my son has to suffer from it.

I have managed to pick up a few traits, though: he stutters when he lies or is nervous, he rambles when he's excited, he gestures with his hands madly while he's explaining something, he's clever (like me), kind (like his father), sarcastic (to an extent), stubborn (like his father), selfless (like his father). But other than that, my son is a mystery to me.

As day wears thin, I tap Cloudjumper lightly, and the dragon growls in acknowledgement before flying down towards the village stretched out below us, landing with ease in the plaza. I slide off his back and pat him in a clear "Thank you" gesture before looking at some of the small buildings.

So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. None of the houses look old or familiar. None except mine, Hiccup's and Stoick's…

I freeze in mid-thought, and shake my head feverously. No, now it's just mine and Hiccup's house. I still have a hard time coping with the fact that Stoick is gone. I sigh, and then began walking towards the house.

I pause at the door, hearing voices come from it; Hiccup's and Astrid's, I quickly realize. Although I know it's impolite to eavesdrop, I can't help but listen in.

"This sword took me three days to complete. Hmm...I can't wait to slit someone's throat with it…"

"Hiccup…"

"What?"

"You're missing sleep again, aren't you?"

"Wha…? No, no I'm not!"

"You only get like this when you aren't sleeping properly."

I can't help but smile. Since the fight against Drago, Astrid has been overprotective of Berk's new Chief. It was obvious since the first time I saw Hiccup and Astrid that they were close.

The first time…

The moment after Stoick's death. It wasn't the best way to meet your future daughter-in-law (I had learned from Snotlout that Stoick used to call Astrid by said title).

I remember the day clearly as if it were happening before me once again; Hiccup running, screaming "DAD!" over and over and over again. It was enough to break my heart. I had just met him that day, and was already seeing him go through so much pain.

I raced over after him, and then quickly looked for life.

None.

None at all.

Hiccup had broken down right in front of me, and I didn't know what to do. I was and am his mother, but I might as well be a stranger to him. He didn't know me, and I really didn't know him.

A blonde-haired girl had been the next one to race over. Astrid Hofferson, as she had introduced herself to me shortly after the battle. She had run to Hiccup's side as if she had done it a million times, and then put her hands on his arm protectively, soothingly, yet fiercely all at once. She had turned her head to look at me, and I had seen grief. Maybe for the loss of her Chief, maybe for the suffering of her friend, maybe both. If Hiccup and Astrid were close to the point where Stoick used to call her his "future daughter-in-law" then it only stood to reason that she was just as close to Stoick as she was to Hiccup.

It takes me a moment before I realize that I am crying. Cloudjumper nuzzles me from behind, but I hardly notice it. Stoick is dead, and Hiccup is still suffering from the loss of the person who raised him.

"I know, this is hard." Astrid's voice seeps through my thoughts, and I realize that she is still talking to Hiccup. "I'm not going to say I know how you feel, Hiccup, because so far I don't, but if you keep doing...this…"

"You just gesture-"

"Let me finish. You're overworking yourself."

There was a sigh. "I know, Astrid, but what do you expect me to do? How do I live up to a man like…" He stops, and I hear him take a deep, shuddering breath. "...Like my father?"

"He never expected you to, Hiccup."

"Sometimes…" I hear Hiccup gasp suddenly, almost as if he is crying, or desperately near tears. "S-sometimes I wish...I wish he had never shoved me out of the way of that plasma blast. Maybe...maybe I would have been the one killed, and n-not...him."

"Don't you dare talk like that, Hiccup. Your father loved you. I know he wouldn't have changed his decision."

"But maybe...maybe…" I hear something slam against the table. "WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO...SO...COMPLICATED!?"

"Complicated?"

"YES, ASTRID! COMPLICATED! VERY COMPLICATED! IT IS VERY, VERY COMPLICATED!"

"Okay, Hiccup, just breathe-"

"WHAT IS BREATHING!?"

I wince. I really hate it when Hiccup gets upset, because there's nothing that can calm him down. He normally uses all his pent-up anger in one single solitary burst, and then feels really bad about it afterwards, always trying to come up with an apology that suits.

"Hiccup, please don't blame yourself anymore," Astrid speaks, sounding slightly hesitant. "I hate it when you get like this."

"I'm...sorry, Astrid. But how...how can you...you say something like...that, and just pretend...pretend everything is okay? I don't want to pretend, Astrid. I'm sick of pretending. Why do I have to pretend!?"

"You don't have to pretend, Hiccup!" I hear Astrid's voice rise for the first time in their conversation. "You never did!"

There's complete silence.

"I'm so sorry, Astrid," Hiccup speaks up this time, his voice now sounding strained.

"I know," Astrid says. "Are you okay, though? Other than…"

"Everything?" Hiccup cuts in quietly.

"Yeah," Astrid says.

"I guess...I'm…'okay.' I'm...exhausted, but okay. Yeah...you're right. I am missing sleep...I can hardly sleep at night at all. Never more than a few hours, if I'm lucky."

"I'm sorry, too, Hiccup, by the way. I'm sorry you have to go through this...but you're never alone, Hiccup. You've got me, Toothless...and you've got your mother too, right?"

"R-right," Hiccup agrees. "Those are...big bonuses."

"Yeah?" I can tell by her voice that Astrid is smiling. "Well, enjoy it, Dragon Boy, because you're not getting rid of us."

"Yeah...okay. I'm okay with that."

I can't help but smile, even faintly. After about five minutes, Astrid finally speaks again.

"So, I need to head home, but if something happens...you can always get Toothless to come get me," she says.

I know exactly what she's talking about, as much as I hate to admit it. As a mother, it should be my job to comfort my son, but I don't know how to. I don't know anything about what it's like being a mother. I hardly remember the days I had spent with Hiccup before being abducted by dragons.

I have woken up more than once in the past by Hiccup screaming, just for a moment. The first time it happened, I had drawn my axe, and raced upstairs to his loft (he still insisted on sleeping up there).

That evening was beyond awkward for the both of us. Hiccup kept trying to apologize for waking me up while I was asking what was the matter while at the same time thinking of what to do. Hiccup finally told me it was a nightmare, and I didn't know how to respond. After a few minutes, I bade him good-night, and then left him to try and sleep again.

I checked on him later on in the night after an hour of me being unable to sleep. I found Toothless curled up on the bed, laying over his rider, almost protectively. I smiled and mouthed Thank you to the dragon before slipping downstairs again. I couldn't help but feel guilty. A dragon was doing the job I should have been doing. Hiccup trusted a dragon more than he trusted his mother.

The worst part? I couldn't blame him then, and I still can't blame him now. How do you trust someone who abandoned you for twenty years? Sometimes he'll see me flying on Cloudjumper, and he'll mount Toothless and come after us, just to make sure I wasn't leaving Berk for good.

He doesn't trust me, and I have only myself to blame.

I hear footsteps, and move away from the door, pressing myself against the side of the house. Astrid walks out of the door, shutting it behind her. She sighs, and then turns away, probably, I figure, heading to her own house. After waiting a few moments, I enter the house.

It's quiet. I glance up at the loft. Hiccup has probably already gone up there with Toothless. It doesn't surprise me. He needs whatever sleep he can get.

So, I bid Cloudjumper a good night, and then head off to get some sleep myself.

I hope that, for one night since the battle with Drago, Hiccup actually gets a full night's sleep.

I am woken up a few hours later (from what I assume, that is) by something pushing against my arm. For an instant, I panic. Back when I was in the nest, whenever something was wrong, Cloudjumper would nuzzle me awake. For a moment, I imagine myself back at the nest, and not on Berk.

I shoot up in my bed, looking instantly to see what is trying to wake me.

"Toothless?" I ask.

Toothless sits back on his haunches and looks at me, cooing softly. I can tell my years of living with dragons that something is wrong.

"What is it?" I question, and it comes as no surprise to me when the dragon gestures to the loft with his head. I toss the blanket off my body and get to my feet, heading upstairs, Toothless in tow.

I wonder why Toothless came to me. Normally, he would be the one to comfort Hiccup. Now, though, why isn't he up there with my son? Is something wrong? Oh, I sure hope not. I suddenly hear lightning, followed by a roll of thunder. There's a storm, I quickly realize.

When I reach the top of the loft, I instantly gasp. The bed is empty. My eyes scan the room. Where's Hiccup?

It doesn't take me long to find out. I hear a sob from the other side of the room, and fixate my eyes towards it. I can make out in the dark corner of the room a body, pressing up against the wall.

Hiccup.

I don't know why, but I don't hesitate. I whisper his name and rush over to him, falling at his side. His knees are drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, and he is visibly shaking. Lightning crashes outside, and Hiccup yelps, flinching violently, hugging his knees tighter.

I don't know what to do. I'm not used to being a mother. I don't know how to get Hiccup to relax, or anything. I don't even know what's wrong.

"Hiccup…" I say, wrapping an arm around his bony shoulders and pulling him close to my side. He tenses at first, and then flings his arms around me, hugging me so tightly that for a second, I can't breathe. He presses his face against my neck, and cries.

I don't know what else to do other than hug him. I whisper to him and tell him that it's okay, while trying to find the reason he is so scared.

I get my answer when Toothless tries to approach. The instant Hiccup sees the dragon, he shrieks, curling into himself while pressing up against me.

"N-No!" he stutters, and the desperate, pleading tone of his voice almost shatters my heart. He sounds so helpless and small, and for just a moment, I imagine him again as the little baby I had left behind all those years ago.

"N-no! S-stay back!" he pleas. Lightly strikes outside, and he screams just slightly. I hug him tighter, smoothing down his hair with my hand. I don't know what he dreamed about, but I can only imagine it had to do with Toothless killing Stoick.

I stop thinking along those lines. No, Toothless didn't kill Stoick. The Bad Alpha did, under the control of Drago Bludvist. Drago Bludvist killed Stoick, not Toothless.

Toothless looks at me helplessly, and tries nudging his rider. Hiccup merely screams again, and Toothless backs away, looking completely and utterly heartbroken.

"P-p-please don't h-hurt me!" Hiccup shouts. "G-go away!"

"He doesn't know what he's saying, Toothless," I say to the Night Fury calmly. "You know he doesn't mean what he's saying right now."

Toothless looks like he wants to believe me, but there is also something in his eyes that I read like a book. Guilt. The dragon feels he is guilty. He feels he is the reason Hiccup is like this. He feels he is the cause of his suffering.

Hiccup sobs uncontrollably, crying and shaking, his face still pressed into my neck. Toothless lays down a few feet away, watching me and my son with concern. I don't exactly know what to do. Normally, I don't even do anything when he has nightmares; that's Toothless' place. But now, when Toothless can't do anything, it's up to me to comfort Hiccup.

I know next to nothing about being a mother, but I do remember what I used to do when Hiccup couldn't sleep, back when he was just a baby. I remember with a sudden clarity all in just one instant. I pull him so that he is sitting on my lap, the side of his head resting against my chest. His crying doesn't stop.

"I'll swim and sail on savage seas…" I whisper, without hardly thinking about just what it is that I'm doing. "...with ne'er a fear of drowning." Toothless' ears perk up, and he looks at me, his eyes glowing in the darkness of the room. Nothing changes as far as Hiccup goes. "And gladly ride the waves of life…" I continue slowly. "If...if you will marry me."

Hiccup's sobs seem to lessen, although his crying doesn't stop.

"Oh, Hiccup," I say gently. I continue to hold him for another few minutes, until he lifts his head and looks up at me.

"Mom," he whimpers in a broken voice. I shush him and hug him again, and he hugs me back. Toothless, feeling that it is safe to moves, steps forward. Hiccup must remember everything he did in his half-awake state, because he looks guilty.

"Oh, buddy…" he says, and reaches out a hand to his dragon. Toothless ducks his head to meet it, nuzzling his head into my son's hand.

"I'm...I'm so sorry, buddy…" Hiccup whispers. "I d-didn't...I didn't kn-know what I-I was...s-saying."

"He knows you didn't, son," I say. I think about what I had just said. Son. I had called Hiccup "son." Does he want me to call him that? Does he want me to just call him Hiccup? I feel so lost at that moment. I don't even know what Hiccup likes to be called.

He doesn't seem to mind, though, before he leans heavily against me again. Toothless comes beside me and wraps his massive wings around the both of us. In a few moments, Hiccup falls asleep, and Toothless lays down, keeping one wind draped over us as he soon, too, drifts off to sleep.

I think about moving, but decide against it almost instantly. I don't want to wake Hiccup up, and really, I don't mind sleeping where I was situated, with Toothless and my son. So, I simply lean against the wall, Hiccup still laying in my arms, and shut my eyes.

I never actually counted on seeing Berk again, but life doesn't always go as you plan.


Author's Notes:

So, for those who didn't see my earlier A/N, I had a huge rant on my story "Since Lightning Struck" about Valka, and someone asked me to do a story on it, and so this little one-shot was born. :) I really have a love/hate relationship with Valka. I don't know if I like her or not. Well, I guess I like her as a character, yet hate her past decisions.

After this was requested, I couldn't not write it. :)

Until next story! :)

-BeyondTheClouds777