I Know, I Do.

Arizona sat on a bench in the hospital chapel as she comforted a torn April. The redhead had told her about her conversation with Jackson and the terms of their marriage was now.

Arizona took her friend's hand and listened quietly April's painful cry, she felt others' pain in this situation and suddenly her mind was in a trip down memory lane.

The funny thing was that her memories were intact, it wasn't like she had to struggle to evoke the painful moments she had lived in her own marriage.

And she, incredibly, understood better than anyone the pain that April was experiencing right now.

She knew that April has changed. Drastically. But unlike what everyone believed that the change of the trauma surgeon was due to her experience in the army, the blonde knew better, she knew that what happened to the baby Samuel was the culminates point that somehow puts off something inside the redhead.

Arizona knew. She knew better than anyone.

She also lost her baby and even if the pregnancy wasn't as advanced as her friend was, the pain wasn't appeased. Because for Arizona having a baby represented everything that had changed in her since she met Callie until after her leg.

Her baby was planned and expected and wanted.

And she didn't despise the fact that April's baby was wholly accidental, because that doesn't make it less expected or less loved by his parents.

But definitely, it didn't compare at all that Callie and she went through to get her pregnant. And all that in the end, after waiting and longing, the world send a curve ball and remove them that bit of life that join the brunette and her even more.

She knows.

As she also knew what's not having the support of your partner as you go through the grieving process over the loss of a child.

And Arizona never could say that Callie wasn't there for her or the baby was less for the brunette, but she knew something wasn't connected between them when the news reached at the brunette's knowledge.

Callie wasn't there at the time when she needed it most. Something went off in both of then that night. And both were too tired to not even try to understand what happened.

So Arizona did the best she can do and she went completely closed, pretending day by day that everything was in order and that she didn't felt the crushing pain in her chest every time she stroked her belly, only to recall once again that there was nothing there.

She never had the chance to have a grief, they never talked about it, like it was the most insignificant thing. Except that it wasn't. It was damn huge.

But it doesn't matter anymore. It had been years thereafter and with the miscarriage, was also added the infidelity by the blonde, the muted resentment in Arizona, cries and tears.

And even the purchase of a dream home or fancy rings or the idea of trying for another baby could avoid where they were now. Arizona actually believed all those things in hand only served to bottle up their problems - which ended up exploding in their faces eventually -

Too many things happened in such a short time and now she didn't know how to get back. She was lost. All these years passed and yet she was still lost. She hasn't back yet.

She understands it now.

She knew it now.

Arizona ran her hand down the back of her friend gently while April was forced to control her breathing. Sobs were over, now was just heavy breathing.

"What do you want to do April?" She asked calmly watching her friend sympathetically.

April took a deep breath and uselessly wiped her tears. "I ... I have no idea." The redhead laughed without any grace before looking at the expectant blue eyes. "I love him, with all that I am." She said sincerely. "But somehow I feel that a piece doesn't fit. And I need it to fit. I need it to fit." She repeated her voice cracking.

"What I can do?" Arizona winced at her own words. She remembered having asked the same to Herman when she received the news about April's baby. She felt so helpless. Then and now.

The trauma surgeon breathed in deeply. "Nothing, there's nothing to do. I'm sorry being here and bombard you with all my marital problems ..."

"No apology is necessary. You're my friend. The friends are always there, no matter what." Arizona smiled warmly. "You want to go back there." It wasn't a question.

"More than anything, I want to go back there and feel the adrenaline. I want to feel I'm making a difference, I want to feel something different than this pain in my chest all the time." April nodded lightly wiping tears coming down her face again.

Arizona looked and nodded to her friend, she understood what the redhead was concerned. She stopped to think for a few minutes and suddenly something came to her head. "I have an idea, a crazy one and want you to tell me how crazy it is." April furrowed expectantly to what the blonde have to say.


Arizona came with April to Meredith's house, they crossed the threshold of the front door to see everyone dancing it out, laughing and having fun. It was a nice scene. Mainly to see the trio of unconventional sisters dancing all together with big smiles on their faces.

Arizona ran her eyes the place and her eyes stood in the brunette in the middle of the room dancing with hands raised and a magical smile on her face. Her eyes had that charming and cheerful spark that had always characterized her.

She looked absolutely beautiful. Relaxed, happy.

Callie could feel the eyes burning on her, so she looked away from Owen - who was dancing in front of her - to the deep blue eyes that were stopped in the doorway. Arizona smiled warmly and sent her a funny wink, making the brunette smiled widely.

Callie gestured with her head to indicate the blonde to join them in dancing, but Arizona declined the offer with an apologetic smile. Callie shrugged and continued dancing with colleagues and friends.

Arizona made her way to Alex who was on the breakfast bar having a beer while watching everyone have fun and laugh with Webber's dance moves.

"Hey can we talk?" She asked the man.

"Sure."

Alex followed the blonde to the porch where Arizona explained what she planned to do after her conversation with Abril that night. And say that Alex was surprised was a euphemism.

"Are you out of your mind?" He asked in bewilderment.

"Alex ..."

"No! This is insane, Arizona. You must take time to think and reflect on this better." He advised. A good advised, Arizona admitted.

"I'm tired of thinking, Alex! That's the problem, I always think too much and I don't want to think, I want to do now." She exhaled heavily. "It's a made decision, Alex and I won't go back on it only because it's ..."

"Dangerous, reckless, irresponsible ..."

"Alex I need your support, not your nagging." Arizona cut her friend's tirade. "Just say yes. Everything will be okay, I promise."

"Don't make promises you don't know if you can keep." Alex said quietly. He didn't like this idea.

"I'll do my best." Arizona smiled at the man before taking him in a gentle and short hug. "You're a good man Alex, thanks for everything."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Alex grinned as he wrapped his arms around the waist of the blonde.


A couple of days passed and everything was back to normal, Callie was at the nurses station reviewing the progress of Joan with her neck, she smiled inwardly to see that her patient was much better and that her baby was also good and with both parents.

Callie was removed from her job when Alex's voice caught her attention.

"I need you to finish all the paperwork and register in the system, Dr. Robbins needed this in order before leaving this afternoon so move your asses." He was giving instructions to interns and doing everything Arizona had asked him a few days ago in Meredith house.

But something caught Callie further. "Hey Alex! Where's Arizona going?" She asked in confusion, but she only got a hassle face.

"Her flight leaves this afternoon, everything is fixed ..."

"Flight? Alex what are you talking about? Where's Arizona going?" Callie asked more confusion in her features.

"You don't know, do you?" Seeing the questioning look on Callie's face, Alex assumed he was right. The brunette had no idea. "Damn Robbins!" He snorted in annoyance.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on, Karev?" Callie was losing patience.


Meanwhile, Arizona was peacefully sitting in one of those little chairs in the daycare while drawing with Sofia on the paper.

"What do you got there so far Sof?" The blonde asked to see the little brunette biting her tongue in concentration with her drawing.

"It's my family, mommy." The girl said showing the blonde her work. "See, here are you and then mami and we're playing on the swings because that's my favorite part of the house ..." The girl wandered.

"And what's that up there?" Arizona looked carefully at the strange figure on the top right of the page.

"That's Daddy, Mommy." Sofia said softly. "He's watching us from the clouds in the sky. Mommy says that's where daddy Mark and Aunt Lexie are to take care of us ..." She said innocently while applying color to her drawing.

"That's right baby." Arizona stroked the silky black hair before leaning and put a kiss on her forehead. "So Sof, you know what we talked about a few days ago?" She nervously feelers.

"About what mommy?" Sofia was concentrating on her drawing but alert to what her mother was talking about.

"About me going on a trip for a while? Remember what we talked about?"

"Yes, you said it would only be a few weeks ..."

"And why should I do this trip Sof?"

"To save lives and as tiny as children." Sofia said with a smile plastered on her face as she remembered everything that her mommy had said to her.

"That's it, honey." Arizona kissed her forehead again. "And you also know that I will miss you all the time, right?" She stroked the brunette plump cheek.

"Yes, but you also said that I shouldn't worry because we'll talk all the time through mami phone and so we'll be closer to one another." Sofia recited from memory almost everything her mother told her.

"That's all true. I don't want you to worry, Sof. I'll be back before you know it and then we'll have lots of fun ..."

"Can we also invite Mami?" The little girl asked hopefully.

"Of course baby. The fun isn't complete without mami on it." Arizona laughed remembering Callie, who always brought laughter and adventures to them.

"Arizona ...?" The blonde looked up to find the expectant brown eyes. "Can we talk a minute? In private?" Callie's voice was steady but low to not alert the baby girl sitting next to the blonde.

But that turned out to be a feat, because Sofia immediately noticed her birth mother in the doorway of the daycare.

"Mami, you came." The little brunette leaped from where she was sat with her big brown eyes full of joy. "You're going to draw with me and Mommy?" She asked excitedly.

Callie approached and kissed her head. "Sure, baby." She also sat on the other side of Sofia and took a purple crayon to make her own draw.

Arizona looked at her curiously, but with a quiet smile on her face. "I won't change my mind, Callie." She broke the comfortable silence. It was a matter of time before Callie knew the news.

"About what mommy?" Sofia was who took part in the silent conversation that their mothers seemed to be sharing.

"About my trip, baby."

"Ohhhh ..." Sofia said comically doing both women laugh. "I miss you already mommy." She said innocently watching blue eyes.

"I miss you already too baby." Arizona took Sofia on her lap and hugged her tightly.

Callie was silent before the scene unfolding before her eyes, she always enjoyed seeing the tenderness of her ex-wife around Sofia. But this time the anger was also part of the range of emotions that was in her body after talking to Alex.

How could she do this to Sofia? To her? She needed answers and she need them now.

"I love you, Sof. Be good for mami, okay? I'll call you as soon as I can." Arizona kiss her baby's cheek and saw bright watery eyes of her daughter. "Hey, you don't have to cry, dear. I'll be back before you know it, I promise Sof." She gave her another kiss while trying to retain her own tears too.


Arizona left the daycare with Callie hot on her heels.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Callie asked overdrive with anger in her voice.

"Callie ..."

"The army? Really? You join the ARMY! And you don't have the courtesy or respect to tell me in the face, I had to learn by accident." Callie raises her voice.

"Low your voice, Callie." Arizona said with clenched teeth.

"You should have told me."

"Why?"

"What, Why?"

"Why should I have told you? Callie this is my decision, not yours." Arizona said deadpanned.

"How can you say that?" Callie looked in pain.

"This isn't about you, Callie. This is about me and what I need ..."

"And what you need is to join the freaking army? Put yourself in danger?" The brunette reproached.

"I did not join the army, Callie. I'll be with a group of some other doctors in a green area helping the wounded soldiers in battle." Arizona said.

"It's dangerous ..."

"I can take care of myself."

"This is about April and all that craziness thing about adrenaline of being on the field and all that?" She had heard the many discussions that April and Jackson have been having for the same issue.

"I told you, this is about me, not April or you." Arizona looked up and down the hallway.

"You have a daughter." Callie played that card.

"Sofia will be fine, Callie." Arizona looked dead in the eyes at the brunette. She had thought about her daughter when she made this decision and anyone who think differently, it was just insulting.

"She needs us, both of us. She already lost one of her parents."

"Oh for God's sake! You talk like I was never going to be back here and like I am unnecessarily leaving my daughter." The blonde snorted. "It's only three months. I will be back to Sofia."

"That's what April said and she came back a year later." Callie raised eyebrow in question.

"I'm not April. When I say I will do something, it's because I'm 100 percent sure that that's what I gonna do, Callie." The blonde sighed heavily, she was tired of this conversation.

They looked at each other in silence for a few minutes. Neither of them willing to back away in their argument.

Arizona finally spoke again. "I need this. Don't fight this, Callie. I need it." She repeated softly.

"You should have told me." Callie was angrier that she made this decision without even consulting her.

"This is none of your business!" The blonde snapped.

"We have a daughter together, of course it's my business."

"And that's all that unites us, Callie." Arizona regretted her words as they left her mouth, but it was too late to try to take them back.

"Arizona ..."

"Sorry, I shouldn't say that." She apologized looking straight into the brown eyes. "I knew you would react this way, so I didn't tell you."

"Yes, because this is incredibly insane." Callie took a step closer to the blonde. "Why are you doing this?" She asked calmly.

"You wouldn't understand it." Arizona looked down.

"Then explain it to me." Callie almost pleaded.

"I need to find my light." Callie looked in confusion. "You don't understand because you're right, Callie. You have your light in you again and you're well again, but I ..." She trailed off. "I'm not." She looked up again. "There's one thing I have never taken care of. I need this ..."

"Joining the army." Callie looked incredulous.

"You don't understand." Arizona smiled sheepishly.

"You're right, I don't." Callie admitted. "But I guess there's no way to make you change your mind." She said.

Arizona gave her a small warm smile. "I will be back and I hope that when I return, you can understand it better." She took a step toward the brunette this time.

"How can I do that if you're not here to tell me?" Callie frowned.

Arizona smiled again. "You will."

"Can I hug you?" Callie asked timidly.

"I thought you'd never ask. Come here, Callie." Arizona opened her arms to welcome the tall woman.

Callie immediately melted into the soft and gentle embrace. This was the closest they had been one another and Callie suddenly found the need to never let her go.

"Take care of yourself and Sofia." Arizona kissed the brunette's neck as she spoke intimately. She really missed this closeness with the other woman.

"Be careful." Callie whispered back.

"Arizona?" Women pull away from the long hug to find an April with swollen eyes. "It's time." She said the blonde.

Arizona nodded her friend before turning to her former wife. She grinned revealing her adorable dimples. "See you when I get back." She finally said, placing a constant kiss on the tanned cheek.

Callie missed the closeness and the scent of the other woman as soon as Arizona pulled away with Abril.

She was confused and scared suddenly, but she assumed that she just had to wait and see what happened next.


All mistakes are mine.