20 Ways to Deal with Your Employees
Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion belongs to its respected owners. Please don't sue me.
Author's Note: I kinda got the idea from "Things Misato Katsuragi is No Longer Allowed To Do" and an Archer fic called "Fifty Ways To Love Your Coworkers" I did this because we all know Gendo is a very hatful, hatful person and he's also so evil that he will destroy the world just to get laid by his dead wife. So in short he knows how to deal with the people he works with.
1. The boy is not only weak but he's winy too, when he walks into my office apply earplugs and pretend to listen.
2. Pilot Soryu is not only winy but a petty loudmouthed brat who I hope doesn't come back from the next Angel attack. For her also apply earplugs and if that doesn't work always keep a large bottle of aspirin nearby.
3. No one is allowed in my office unless they surrender any and all firearms before entering. This specifically includes Major Misato Katsuragi and Doctor Ritsuko Akagi.
4. The Second Child needs a muzzle.
5. The Major needs a shock collar.
6. The Lieutenant with the long hair has a betting pool open on "who gets the Third Child in the sack first" my bet has been placed on the Major and even if I'm wrong I still get my 95% cut.
7. I could go for a drink right now.
8. Blackmailing Fuyutsuki gets me pretty far.
9. Cancel suicide prevention and sit back and watch the carnage.
10. I could really use a smoke right now.
11. Tell the nerd Lieutenant that Spider-Man is dead and that the new one is Black and Latino.
12. The Second Child really does need a "chill pill."
13. If Akagi tries to resist all I have to do is compare her to her mother.
14. Who has a good drug connection?
15. Implanting bombs on Unit-02 never looked better.
16. Buying a cattle prod seems like a good idea.
17. Looking the other way when stupid sh*t happens is okay.
18. I already took care of Kaji.
19. SEELE is full of a bunch of assholes and its best to ignore them by muting our meetings.
20. Pot is most my favorite drug of all and is charset more than the boy and only second to Yui.
Author's Note: My first time doing something like this tell me how I did. Was it funny, do I need to add more, what? Leave a comment.
-eastWOLF
