I know she's going to put up a fight when she realizes exactly what the other me is doing. Rose is not the kind of girl (well, woman-she's definitely not the same doe-eyed teenager that I once bid a tearful goodbye to in this very same spot) to sit back and be left behind, again. She stomps after the other me as he turns around and tries to walk away, this time without so much as a goodbye. No, this is not going to go well. For either of us.
"But it's still not right," I can hear her saying over the wind. "Because the Doctor's still…you."
"And I'm him," the other me reminds her gently. There's a pained look on his face. I can tell he's close to cracking-if she pushes much more, he'll throw the entire multiverse away just to be with her. I know, because he is me.
I saunter forward, hands in my pockets. He and I stand facing each other. It's like looking in a mirror. Same nose, same dark eyes, same freckle over my left eye that I look at every day. Rose's eyes dart back and forth between the two of us, as if her brain still can't quite process that there are two of us. Here. With her. I see Donna waiting behind the other Doctor, looking a little impatient. I don't think he's told her just what's going to happen when they leave this place; if only the DoctorDonna could last forever. I feel like my heart might break.
"All right," Rose says. "Both you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?" She looks at the other me, waiting. I, too, wait for it, my heart pounding in my chest. It's his answer she wants, not mine. I know that much.
"Go on, say it," Rose says impatiently.
"I said…"Rose Tyler." The other Doctor gulps, his voice breaking slightly. He's silently pleading with his eyes, begging her not to make him say the words that he can't say.
"And how is that sentence going to end?"
The silence between the two of them seems to stretch out for an eternity, but I already know what he's going to say.
"Does it need saying?"
Rose's face falls slightly. She turns to me. "And you, Doctor?"
Oh, sod it. If he's not going to say it, then I definitely will. She needs to hear it, now more than ever. I should have said it years ago, back when I wore leather and had blue eyes.
I chance a brief look at the other me standing there before turning and leaning in close to her ear. This doesn't seem like something that the whole world should hear. "I love you," I tell her. Because I do. I love that girl iso/i much, I would have torn apart the universes to get to her if it had been possible. As I was running down that darkened street earlier, I had decided right then and there that I was going to drop down to my knees and ask her to marry me. Screw timelines, Daleks, and short human lives. For once in my own long life, I was going to be selfish, even if it meant I would have to watch her wither and die eventually. But then I had gotten shot by that damned Dalek, and everything changed.
Rose stares at me for a moment, a storm of emotions in her eyes. Grabbing the lapels of my jacket, she pulls me down and crashes her lips to mine, kissing me like there's no tomorrow. And oh, iit's amazing./i Why have I been so stupid for so long?
Rose jumps slightly at the sound of the TARDIS door slamming shut. She pulls out of my arms and runs towards it, but it's too late. The Doctor and Donna are gone from this existence, forever. She stares at the imprint in the sand, as if she can will the TARDIS to come back with her mind. Taking a deep breath, I step forward and reach for her hand. What else can I do? She's Rose Tyler and more than anything right now, she needs a hand to old. So do I.
"What now?" she asks dully, turning to look at me. I can see the hurt in her eyes, and I wonder if she'll ever ireally/i be able to accept me. If she'll ever be able to get over him. Right now, he still has Rose Tyler's heart with him inside that old blue police box, and I don't know that I'll ever get it back.
"Well," I say, trying to think of something, anything, to say that might be helpful. "I suppose…we live, Rose Tyler."
"I don't ever want to come back to this beach," she tells me bitterly. "Nothing but bad memories." She holds my hand in a death grip as we turn and walk towards Jackie, who is now standing father down the beach chattering on her mobile to Pete.
I can still hear the whine of the TARDIS engines in my head. I doubt I'll ever be able to get over that sound as long as I'm alive. She was only a memory to me now. The TARDIS had been a part of my life for so long, and now I'm going to have to learn how to live without her. Rose suddenly stops dead in her tracks and stares at me, confused. It's then that I realize that the sound of the TARDIS is inot/i, in fact, in my head, but instead is coming right behind me. We turn around just as it materializes in the same spot where it just sat. The imprint in the sand hasn't even disappeared yet.
After that, everything seems to happen in slow motion. Rose drops my hand and takes off running. The doors fly open again and The Doctor runs out, his hair sticking up in every direction and his brown coat flying out behind him.
"Rose!" I can hear him shout over the wind. I can't deny that my heart is sinking a little in disappointment as I watch him sweep her up into a bear hug and swing her around, just like we used to do. Well, they used to do, I guess. I may look like him and have his memories but I'm not the Doctor. "Rose Tyler, I love you!" I can hear him shout. "I'm sorry I was so thick, so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking!"
Rose is laughing now, an expression of sheer happiness on her face. I haven't seen ithat/i look in years. Not since before we were separated. I turn my eyes away as he pulled her into a passionate kiss, the kiss of reunited lovers. It doesn't seem like something that I or anyone else should see. That, and it just hurts to see her with him. Who ever thought that I would be jealous of myself? I suppose it was obvious from moment we landed on this beach that she would choose him anyway. It was never me that she wanted.
"Doctor?" Jackie pipes up quietly from behind me. She looks like she's near tears, because she knows what this means. She's likely going to lose her daughter for good this time.
"I'm alright," I say automatically, not looking her in the eye. "I'm always alright." I know she doesn't believe me; I don't even believe them myself this time.
"Doctor?"
This time it's Rose. I look up to see her watching me with a look of guilt on her face. I can tell that she had completely forgotten that I was there, and that just a few moments ago she kissed me as if her life depended on it.
"No Rose," I tell her, holding up my hand. I know what she's going to say, and I don't want to hear it. "I knew you were going to choose him. From the moment I was created, I knew it. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. And if it's him you need to be happy with instead of me, then I want you to be with him. I fight off the bile that's rising in my throat, wishing I still had my Time Lord physiology.
Rose steps forward and pulls me into a hug. Our lips aren't going to be meeting this time. "Thank you," she whispers to me, low enough so that the other Doctor can't hear. "For everything." She pulls away from me and returns to him. I notice that Donna is nowhere in sight. The Doctor catches my eye and gives me an imperceptible nod to say, "It's done." I wonder how long he was actually gone, and how long it took him to work up the nerve to come back. Despite what he told Rose, it will take weeks for the walls between the universes to close forever. And even then, there will be holes.
"I hate to interrupt this happy reunion," Jackie pipes up suddenly. "But it's bloody freezin' out here and I want to go home and see my family." She gives Rose a look, as if she's silently adding ithe part of my family that doesn't keep leaving/i to the end of that sentence.
"Oh, right, yes!" The other Doctor says, turning around and grinning. "Need a lift home?" he turns and points his thumb in the direction of the TARDIS. He and Rose head off towards the ship hand in hand, with Jackie following. I stay where I am for a moment, staring out at the sea. It's in that moment that I know I can never be just the Tin Dog. A new life, or something like that, is about to begin for me, and I'm going to make it mine.
Hello, I'm the Metacrisis, and there's nobody else like me.
