Title: THE LAST GOODBYE
Author: Brokeback Mountain
Pairing: Jack and Ennis
Rating: R
Warning: Main character death
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx.
Summary: The end for Ennis; the beginning for the two of them.
THE LAST GOODBYE
He rode his horse slowly to the spot he had picked out; climbed down
and unloaded his pack. He built a small fire, pulled over a small
log and sat. He lit a cigarette and drew deeply on it.
"This is it, Jack. I'm here. Sometimes I feel like I was born
here. All that time up until '63 was just gettin me ready. Ready to
come to know you." He spoke the words quietly; into the campfire,
the pine trees, the river.
"I remember sayin goodbye at my parents funeral and thinkin that was
the worst it could get. I didn't know. I didn't know then that in a
few years I'd meet you and my life would be full of good-byes."
"Remember when we came down off Brokeback and said our first
goodbye? I never told you but it took everything in me to hold it
together. Once you were out of sight, I came apart. My gut started
to cramp so bad it took me to my knees. I just couldn't believe that
what we had up on the mountain was over. That was a new kind a
hurt. Everything that happened on that mountain was new to me. I
felt like I was being eaten up inside. That was our first good-bye."
"You found me in Riverton and came to see me. Remember Jack? I
remember that day like it was yesterday. It was the longest day of
my life; waiting for you to show. I was sure you'd forgotten or
changed your mind. Then I saw you get out of that truck --big grin
plastered on your face. I know now, lookin back, that was the
happiest day of my life. Can't explain how I felt; ain't got the words."
"Then you left; and my insides left with you. We had lots of
incredible 'hellos' and lots of miserable 'good-byes' over the next
20 years. Each goodbye tore a little piece out of my soul."
"The last goodbye was the worst. We both said things we didn't
mean. I think I hate that the most of all, that our last time
together, we argued."
"When my postcard came back with 'deceased' written across it; I was
lost. I tried to find a way to say goodbye. I talked with Lureen
and went to see your folks. I found the shirts. Something inside
me broke that day. I tried to let you go, but I can't. You're part
of me, Jack, and there's no lettin that go. Wouldn't even if I
could."
He stood and pulled his jacket off, then his shirt. From the pack
beside him, he put on the white blood-stained shirt first, then the
blue denim one on top. "It's almost like havin your arms around me,
Jack." He snapped both shirts up and tucked them neatly in. He took
the straight razor from his pack, pressed the blade against his wrist
and pulled it towards him; one quick move; same movement repeated on
the other wrist.
He lay down then close to the fire, head pillowed on his jacket.
"That last time we were together, I told you I couldn't take it
anymore; that I felt like I was nothin - nowhere. It was true. I am
nothin without you, Jack; not nothin at all. Just all hollow inside.
Only feelins I got left is regret and sorrow. I'm glad it's all over
now. I wrote letters to my girls and took care of everythin else.
So this is my last good-bye to you, Jack. We won't have to say those
awful words ever again. I'm sleepy now. Gonna sleep. Night Jack."
"It's about time you woke up!"
The toe of a booted foot nudged him awake. He stood and put his
jacket on.
"C'mom. Horse is waitin. Sheep need lookin after."
"OK, Aguirre want us to move 'em?"
"He ain't up here."
"Good"
They rode up the mountain -- herding the sheep onward to where the
grass was thick and green. They set up camp by a small stream; lit a
fire.
"Who sleeps with the sheep tonight? You or me?"
"Neither one. Ain't no coyotes up here. Sheep will be fine. We
sleep in the tent. Both of us."
Dark eyes smiled into blue. "Sounds good to me." he said as they
closed the tent flap behind them.
"Hey! Ain't that my shirt? It's my favorite. I want it back!"
"You want it? Come and get it!"
"Just one more thing, Jack; no more 'good-byes'. I said my last
good-bye; ain't sayin it again."
"You got my word on that, Cowboy. No more good-byes. Now give me
back my shirt!"
"Come and get it!"
THE END
