It's midnight, which means he's exactly two hours late. He doesn't even have the courtesy to throw rocks at my window or at the very least text me that he's downstairs. All I get are two honks, one slow and quick- impatient, like him- and the other long and drawn out. It's kind of like our relationship, (if you can even call it a relationship) we're both letting it drag on for much too long. He honks again when I don't immediately rush out to meet him, like I know any other girl would. I like making him wait for me. I like that he actually does wait for me, but I know that he won't stay forever. He'll give me ten minutes and then he's gone. And if I work up the nerve to ask him why he ditched me the next day, he'll say that I was taking too long. He'll lie and tell me that he left after the second honk. I contemplate not going, but that thought doesn't last a second before I'm hiking up my skirt and swinging my leg out of my bedroom's second story window. I make sure my foot is firmly planted on the trellis before bringing my other leg out. Then I'm climbing down. When I'm safely on the ground and thanking God for not letting me fall, I fix my clothes. By the time I'm at the front of my house it's just about pass the ten minute mark. The street is almost completely dark, but it doesn't matter. I can spot that boy a mile away.
He's in a powder blue 1968 Ford Mustang Convertible and the top's down. I see him before he sees me, so his face isn't schooled into that stupid smirk that I love to hate so much. He's got that James Dean daydream look in his eyes. It's that smug 'I own the world and everyone in it' look that he gets when he's left alone to his thoughts. I know he's thinking about finally getting out of Forks the day after graduation. He's dreaming about driving across the country and fixing up stranger's cars for quick money. He's imagining what it'll be like to answer to nobody, to be bound by nothing and it kind of breaks my heart a little that he thinks the world still works like that. My heartbreak is fleeting though because he finally sees me.
He's got that greaser thing going for him that never goes out of style. His long, auburn hair is slicked back like always and his white v-neck t-shirt is kind of dingy from months of oil stains. The shirt is covered by one of his signature leather jackets. Tonight it's the dark brown one that smells like shaving cream and cigarettes and HIM. He's got a cigarette in between his full, pink lips, but it's not lit. Probably because he knows the smoke gives me headaches, but he'd never admit to doing something sweet for me. His emerald green eyes are sparkling with that bad boy mischief and it makes me think that maybe I shouldn't be here. I should be tucked in my bed and asleep like the good girl I am. I should just tell him to leave because I know exactly where it leads, but I don't think I can and when his lips pull up into an unintentional smile... I know I can't turn back. It only takes him a second to turn the genuine smile into one of his practiced smirks and I don't care, I'm already in the car. He's convinced me to go with him without saying a single word. He's hardly ever needed words to convince me.
He pulls off as soon as he hears the click of my seat belt. No "I missed you", no hug, not even a "Hi". He doesn't turn the headlights on until we're a few blocks away from my street. I still can't figured out if we're a secret because of my dad or because of his friends. Is he afraid that the police chief would shoot him if Charlie found out what we were doing? If so, it was a valid fear. Or maybe he's afraid that his friends will tease him for being sweet on Good Girl Bella? Either way I wasn't going to complain, it wasn't good for my reputation to be attached to a guy like Edward Cullen.
It's a long drive and he leaves me to my musing for the entire ride- he still hasn't said a word to me, but he can't keep his wild eyes on the road. They're all over me and I can practically feel them roaming my body. I've got on a tight little skirt. It's white, high waisted and as short as I can get it while still being presentable. I'm wearing an equally tight crop top, but to keep the outfit classy and semi appropriate I threw in a deep blue cropped cardigan. My thick brown hair is loosely curled and purposefully messy- it's as close to sex hair that I could get and I know he appreciates the effort. My big brown eyes are void of any makeup other than mascara to tame my long eyelashes. There's little blush on my cheeks and I've got that red lip classic thing that he likes.
We're about halfway there when the silence gets to me and I say, "It's been awhile since I have even heard from you."
He doesn't respond at all- not that I was expecting him too. If Edward wanted to talk he'd be the one to start the conversation, but it isn't long before it gets awkward to me again. I want to confront him about something, but I know that how he takes it will determine if this night ends in burning flames or paradise. Usually Edward is as predictable as they come and you can bet your bottom dollar on what he'll do or say. It's a different story when we're talking about jealousy.
His jealousy is a silent, lurking green eyed monster and he doesn't care if I think it's fair or not. He thinks I'm his and no one else's. A few weeks ago at school I was sitting with my friends and he was all the way on the other side of the courtyard with his own clique, smoking cigs and generally not giving a damn about the rest of the world. I could feel his eyes burning into me, but I refused to acknowledge him- I wouldn't even look in his direction. Then all of a sudden Mike Newton threw his arm over my shoulder and I couldn't help but glance at Edward. His face was a canvas of neutrality, but his eyes were on fire. It had only taken me a few seconds to turn to Mike and politely shrug out of his embrace, but by the time my attention was back on Edward he already had Victoria wrapped around him. His tongue down her throat and her hands fisting his shirt. I wasn't even allowed to be mad.
Now if I do the mature thing and confront him about my jealousy, instead of making not so passive aggressive attempts at pissing him off, it will end in one of two ways. The burning flame is him getting ticked off and telling me that I'm not his girlfriend and that I can't control him or tie him down. That one makes for an awkward ride home. And then there's paradise. Paradise is him getting a cocky smirk on his ruggedly handsome face. Paradise is him winking at me like the asshole he is and asking me if I'm jealous. Paradise is amazing sex where he tells me he's all mine and that I'm the only girl that can fuck him so good. God knows I want paradise, but I need to know so I risk it and say it anyway.
"I heard that you've been out and about with some other girl."
Again he doesn't answer so I keep speaking. "Rosalie said she saw you at the drive-in with her cousin Tanya Denali... Is that true?"
He's still not talking and I'm just about to tell him to take me home when I see that we're pulling up to our place. I hadn't noticed we were so close because we've been driving through the Olympic National Park and the only light we have is the car's headlights and what's coming from the moon. It's almost like a movie when the tiny log cabin on Elwha River fades into view. It's ragged, worn down and probably older than both Edward and I combined. Most of the wood is rotten and has turned grey from age. The roof is sunken in and has many gaping holes. There are only four walls and each of them have two glassless windows. Inside I know that laying neatly on the middle of the floor there's an old battered blanket, a pillow and two flashlights.
The car's slowing down and he doesn't acknowledge me until we've stopped completely. He turns his green eyes on me and for a moment I'm dazzled. There's so much emotion in them that I'm not sure what I should do.
He says, "What you heard is true, but... I can't stop thinking about you." His tone is almost pleading, like he's begging me not to be mad. Like he wants me to stay. This is an Edward that I've never seen before and I'm not exactly sure what he needs from me right now so I tell the truth.
"I've been there too a few times."
"Yeah," He replies. "But you've never been with anyone else or at the very least you don't parade that shit in front of my face. I kind of treat you like shit Bella, why don't you kick my ass to the curve?"
I really think about his question so it takes me a while to answer. Edward is quite literally the sexiest guy I've ever seen in my life. I mean he's hotter than Harry Styles even, but that wasn't the only reason why I was interested in him. He's smart- smarter than he ever gives himself credit for. He used to carry a copy of The Outsiders around and he didn't get huffy when I teased him relentlessly about it. He's not the type to open car doors, but he sure as hell would kick anyone's ass that disrespected me. I rarely ever called Edward, but when I did he always answered. He acts like he's a no good dirty scoundrel incapable of showing any type of real affection for another human being. I know better though. I could count on one hand the number of people he cared about, but the amount of love he had for those people is immeasurable. I know that right below the surface Edward Cullen is a really good guy- so I tell him that.
He shakes his head at me and says, "You've got that good girl faith."
I don't know what he means by that, so I don't reply and I don't have to because he's already getting out of the car and making his way to the cabin. It doesn't take long before I'm slipping my shoes off and my bare feet are hitting the cool, damp grass as I follow him. When I get there I stand in the doorway and watch him. The lights are off, he's taking off his coat. The only light I have to go by is the dim rays of moonlight leaking through the roof and windows. The ivory beams are doing strange, but beautiful things to his skin. His usual golden hue seems pale as the light bounces off of him and causes his skin to glisten. His toned arms, taut chest, and handsome face- it almost looks like he's sparkling. He hasn't combed his hair since picking me up so it's starting to convert back to it's naturally messy sprawl. The lights catching it, turning the auburn into a more bronzy color.
His beauty is unearthly. It's ethereal.
He crooks one long, slim finger my way and I'm counting my footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through again. When I'm an arm's length away he reaches out and yanks me into his chest. There is no hesitation when his lips meet mine. They're hungry and demanding. Blood boils under my skin as I tilt my head back and stand on my toes to help bridge the distance our conflicting heights make. His larger frame surrounds me as he hunches over. His big hands rest on my hips as mine knot in his hair, clutching him to me. My mouth falls open and I run my tongue against his bottom lip, inviting him to taste me. His tongue thrusts into my mouth with a pleasant forcefulness and I'm trembling against him.
"Edward," I groan. "Please?" I'm asking for more, but he's so in tune with my body that I don't have to tell him what to do. His hands slide down the back of my thighs and pulls them up so that my legs are wrapped around his hips. I get the feeling that we're moving, but I'm not exactly sure because, once again, I'm lost in the sensation of kissing him. I'm the one dominating the way our lips move now and I'm anything but gentle. Even when he breaks away from me to breathe my lips don't leave his skin- they trail down his strong jaw to his throat. I'm all lips and teeth and tongue as I lick, nibble and suck on his skin leaving a wake of red marks from my lipstick behind. All too soon he's lowering me down onto our ratty blanket. He doesn't immediately join me on the cabin floor. Instead he looks down at me with eyes full of intensity and desire.
"You're so gorgeous, baby. You have no clue what you do to me." His words send a thrill through me and I imagine what he sees when he looks at me. I'm looking up at his tall form with wide eyes. I'm sure my hair is a halo of messy brown curls and my lips must be smeared in red. My cardigan is askew and my skirt is hiked so far up that it barely covers my underwear. I'm a hot mess. In Forks I'm always put together, always one hundred percent in control of everything. Here in this cabin I'm wild and wanton, just the way he likes it. And that's about as far as my thought process gets because he's taking off his clothes. His intention isn't to give me a strip tease or anything and I doubt he knows how much it turns me on to watch him get undressed, but it just can't be helped. Edward Cullen has a perfect body. You can tell that he knows he looks good because he isn't the least bit concerned standing in front of me completely naked while I'm completely dressed. His concern is in the fact that I'm still wearing any clothes at all. He kneels before me, pushes my cardigan off and says, "Let me see that beautiful body of yours Bella."
His movements are precise, but rushed as he pulls the rest of my clothes off. Soon we're both naked and all tangled limbs on the floor. We're kissing and touching and licking and sucking before it gets to be too much for me and I'm begging for him to soothe the burning inside of me. He sits up on his knees and pulls me onto his lap. My feet are placed on the floor to help support my weight and I let out an intense cry of relief when he slowly pushes himself up inside of me. By the time he's completely seated inside of me I'm a quivering, sweaty mess, but good God I wouldn't have it any other way. This was my favorite place. Surrounding and surrounded by Edward in our run down cabin, bathed in moonlight, drenched in sweat. My thoughts get pushed to the back burner though because he's talking to me again.
"I've got you, baby. You feel so fucking good. Are you ready for me Bella?" His voice is almost harsh with need and satisfaction as he whispers in my ear. I can't even talk so I nod and that's all he needs. He takes me fast and hard like a man possessed because honestly, it's been too long. The pleasure from his thrusts is almost paralyzing, but I somehow managed to move my body against his working with him to approach our climaxes faster. I shudder in anticipation as my name falls from his lips. His usually velveteen voice is rough as he goes from calling out Bella, to baby, to finally landing on a chant of oh fucks. When he snakes his hand down to where we're joined I know that he is moments away from finishing. He never likes to finish before me so he rubs my clit with a fervor while he bites into my neck. My nails rake down his back violently as I cum almost instantly. My convulsions have him coming right after me and I'm absolutely blissful while we fall together.
I collapse into his chest and he holds me firmly before laying on the pillow. We stay like that for a long while in happy silence, but Edward and I can't ever stay happy for too long because about two hours later his phone rings and wakes us up out of our sleep. He reaches for his jeans and answers it without looking at the screen to see who it is. The person on the other line is loud in the quiet of the cabin and I can hear every stupid breathy thing she says.
"Edward, baby, I'm so lonely in my bed all alone. Why don't you come climb in my window like you always do around this time and take care of me? I've got-" He hangs up before she can go on in what I'm assuming she thinks is a sexy voice. I'm glaring at him and he at least has the decency to look sheepish.
"Was that Tanya fucking Denali?" I yell in a voice too loud for the dead of night. I'm so mad I don't even care that my cursing is unladylike. He thinks he's too tough and cool to do anything other than give me a look of indifference and shrug. A thought occurs to me, she said like you always do around this time. Usually Edward would be dropping me off at home right about now. Did that mean that after... would he...? I jump up from my tangled position within our blanket and start throwing on my clothes. He realizes what I've figured out about the same that I'm pulling on my cardigan. He grabs me by my elbow in an attempt to slow me down while he says shit like,
"Baby no, don't be mad. You can't possibly be mad at me." He even has the nerve to throw around insincere apologies. "I'm sorry. Bella, I said I'm fucking sorry! Just give me a minute to explain. It's not what-"
"Take me home," I demand too angry to cry. "Just take me home."
He gives me a little dejected nod and I'm mad enough not to care. I don't wait for him to pull his clothes on, I just stomp all the way over to his car. I get the urge to kick it, but even I know better than to kick a car like this so I take small satisfaction in climbing over the passenger seat to sit in the tiny back row. I've just finished pulling on my shoes when he finally graces me with his presence. He's huffy when he notices that I won't be acknowledging his existence on the long ride back so he doesn't talk to me. Instead he turns on the radio and there's a Taylor Swift song playing. All the way to my house he looks at me through the rear-view mirror, but I continue to ignore him. Because we're not talking I'm thinking and because I'm thinking I'm getting more and more angry.
Why do I keep putting myself through this? It's always something with Edward. If it's not another girl it's his attitude. I'm sick and tired of it. Every time I see him I swear that it will be the last time, but Lord knows that's a lie. When we go crashing down we come back every time. Why the hell did I let this happen? I ask myself. It's because we're classic. I'm the stupid good girl who thought that I could make the bad guys good for the weekend. He's the bad boy with a guarded heart and being with a nice girl like me makes him feel like he was worth something, but he kept screwing it up because he was afraid that one day I would think I was too good for him. Bad boys and good girls, we never go out of style. This time will be different though. This time I won't give Edward the time of day that he thinks he's entitled to. I was done watching us go 'round and 'round each time.
A couple of blocks from my house he turns off the headlights and we drive with the radio low through my neighborhood. He doesn't help me climb out of the back. He doesn't kiss me goodbye. He doesn't even try to apologize again. He just looks at me long and hard with those brilliant green eyes while I stand on the sidewalk with wrinkled clothes and smeared lipstick. I don't know what he's looking for and I'm not sure I want him to find it, but I think he does. He nods to himself and doesn't say a word to me before he pulls off. I make my way to my back yard and hike my skirt up for the third time tonight. I carefully climb up the trellis and back into my room through my window.
Now it's almost six 'o'clock on a Saturday morning and I can't sleep. I just sit up in my bed clutching a worn out copy of the Outsiders that a bad boy gave me about a year ago. When my phone chimes on my night stand I don't even have to guess who it is. He writes I REALLY AM SORRY B. IF IT MEANS ANYTHING AT ALL I DIDN'T GO TO HER HOUSE TONIGHT AND I'LL NEVER GO AGAIN IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT. Right after I finish reading the text another one comes in. I WON'T GO TO ANY OTHER GIRL'S HOUSE EVER AGAIN. I snort at his audacity, fat chance of that. A third message sounds. I SWEAR TO YOU BABY. I don't even dignify his lies with a response. Message after message pours in until finally one hits home. 'NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY', he quoted, BUT I SWEAR BELLA I'M GOING TO HOLD ONTO YOU AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.
"Shit," I quietly mumble to myself. I'm dialing his number before I can even think about it.
Howdy All: Firstly thank you for reading sweet peas, please do consider reviewing. I'm not too proud to beg. To my YCFM readers- I haven't abandoned it at all. I'll be updating it by the end of the week with the very last chapter.
How was my very first lemon. Was it good? Was it cheesy?
Did anyone catch my Easter Eggs? There's two other lines in here from two other Taylor Swift songs. Let me know if you've figured out the lyrics and songs.
SHOUT OUT: Jobelle516 beta-ed this piece and gave me awesome advice. I'm disclaiming the lemon on her part though so she doesn't get in trouble for whatever reason. She def advised that I didn't put it up on this site. She did a really great job I think. Do you all agree?
Once again, thank you!
