Where do we go from here?

He and I have been arguing again and I can't seem to learn how to bite my tongue. I point out every flaw he possibly has, not that there are many. He's been flawless to me. Well he was until something happened. Now he's just there, doing next to nothing for me. Doing next to nothing with me. Of course he found someone else to fill my shoes already. Who wants to be with someone that can't touch?

This isn't where we intended to be.

I used to have control. I worked so hard to get it and then Sinister took it away. Now I can never hope to have control again. He told me everything would be fine but that was a lie. He told me that he would love me no matter what but I can't blame him for wanting something more, something physical. Something that I can't give him anymore. Maybe that's why I try and point out all of his flaws. Because deep down I hate myself for not being able to love him the way he wants. I used to.

We had it all, you believed in me. I believed in you.

I remember it like it was yesterday. He had just asked me to marry him. It was the happiest day of my life. That's when I told him. His smile was genuine and from ear to ear. He was going to have a son or a daughter, a family. He and I were making the same thing we had never had. He placed his hand on my stomach as I gazed at the beautiful emerald surrounded by diamonds on my ring finger. I looked up just as his lips touched mine. It was a perfect day.

Certainties disappear, what do we do for our dreams to survive?

For months we planned. We bought a crib and bottles, everything that baby would have needed. Then he came and ruined everything. He took me before my baby shower was about to start. The next thing I remember my baby is gone and I can't touch anything again. He had me strapped to a table, my baby girl being held above me. She had nothing but a diaper on. He lowers her to me, her arm touching mine. I feel her joy, her happiness and then nothing. He laughed, saying it worked. That now I can never go back to having control again. All I can see is my baby. My lifeless baby laying there in his arms and it was all my fault.

How do we keep all our passions alive? As we used to do.

After that I was never the same. I can still feel her happiness inside me. A happiness she will never get to feel again, a happiness no one else will get to see. He tried to help me through this. He kept trying to tell me there were other ways for us to have a baby, that he didn't need a baby for us to be a family. But nothing helps. The baby we'll have won't be born from me or made by us, the wife he will have won't be able to touch him. He tells me this is fine but I can see him in the danger room, punching walls, blowing up anything he can get his hands on. I also see the way he interacts with Emma. They laugh together. She strokes his arm and presses herself up against him. He used to tell me it was nothing until I caught him leaving our bed late at night.

Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling, frightened you'll slip away. You must love me. You must love me.

I wish to god I could just tell him. Tell him everything. I wish I could just let him go to be happy the way he deserves but I can't. He is all I have left, he is everything I always wanted. And all he's ever wanted was a family and a life he could build with someone. I look up as he enters the room. He nods at me then heads for the bathroom. I follow him, leaning in to give him a hug. His eyes look sad as I pull away. I touch his face, hoping maybe he'll tell me what's going on in his mind right now.

Why are you at my side? How can I be any use to you now? Just give me a chance and I'll let you see how nothing has changed.

I take a deep breath before pressing my lips to the side of his face. I am overjoyed when I don't feel the usual tugging sensation. When I pull away his jaw is slightly dropped. I smile, glad that I can still surprise him. He goes to touch my face but I stop him. He pulls away but I grab his hand, kissing each finger. He gives me a questioning look, mouthing the word how.

"I had Beast make them," I speak slowly, "They're made of rubber. I can place them on my lips and it'll stop my powers. Or at least we made them special so that my powers can't seep through. I did it for you. And I also got a body suit. So we can be together again."

I search his eyes for any hit of happiness when he doesn't respond. He looks so sad. I thought this would make him happy.

Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling, frightened you'll slip away. You must love me.

"Rogue," he touches my arm, "Emma is pregnant…with my child."

I take a step back. All the air has been locked out of my lungs, my stomach feels like it's been repeatedly punched. How, how could this be happening? Why was this happening? He was all I had left. I try my best to look calm but can tell by the way he's walking towards me that I'm failing. He tries to hold me but I pull away, slapping him in the face. He simply grabs the side of his face.

"I'm going to be with her," he says quietly, "She can't raise a baby alone and I can't let that child have a childhood full of questions."

"Do you," I speak softly, "Do you love her?"

He looks down, "I do."

I can feel the tears rolling down my face, "Do you still love me?"

He looks back at me sadly, "I'm so sorry Rogue."

I slap him again, "You bastard, don't you give me that. Tell me, do you love me?"

He looks back down, "No, I think I stopped loving you a long time ago."

"Then just go," I whisper, trying my best not to cry.

But I do, I cry the moment he leaves the room. Because he's not only leaving the room, he is leaving my life and I am losing the last thing in life that matters to me. The only thing I want to do is curl up in a ball and die. Instead I fly to the roof and scream as loud as I can before completely break down.

You must…love…me.