Silence. Jace had never liked the cemetery, the whole thing about it was just cold and sad. It didn't really matter if the wind was blowing or not though, it was always cold. He looked to the side through the corner of his eyes, seeing Alec standing with his head bent.
Jace figured that he hadn't heard that Maryse was talking to him.
"Alec-" Maryse whispered again and this time he raised his head.
"You two should go ahead" his father filled in "We'd like to be alone for a while.."
"Sure." Jace replied, taking Alec by the arm to carefully pull him away.
They walked slowly back to the house, not saying anything to each other. Not because they were angry with one another; Jace was in his own thoughts, thinking about everything really but most of all he was thinking about that he had to be strong right now. He had to be strong in case Alec was about to break. He could see that he was in pain, trying to hold himself up, hold himself together. Jace could feel the pain to, he was just so used to feeling like this that he knew he could take it, although he'd really felt lost when he saw Max back at the Hall. He kept on walking a little bit behind Alec, his head down.
Alec was thinking about his little brother and the way he'd looked when they came back to the Hall, so small, so innocent and he remembered the emptiness he'd felt when they had buried him, trying to stop his chest from exploding. He bit his lips, his eyes hurt and he knew exactly why.
Suddenly Alec stopped in the middle of the street. Jace could see him placing his hands on his knees, holding his head down and he knew he was crying. He had hold it back the night before, through the whole funeral, just like they always did. Just to be strong. Alec was always the one protecting and comforting everyone else, taking care of them even though they didn't notice all the time, Jace knew that. The more he thought about it, the more he realised how much Alec cared about him, about them all. He hated to see his parabatai like this, he hated to feel like this. He wasn't supposed to care but he couldn't stop himself when it came to Alec, or Clary. They were such a big part of his life.
Jace walked up to Alec and put his hands on Alec's right shoulder, squeezing it tight "I'm sorry…"
"He-he was my brother-" Alec whispered and Jace closed his eyes, he could barely stand the pain in Alec's voice. "He was my little brother-I should have…" but he couldn't finish the sentence, instead he let his body sink down to the ground, Jace kneeling beside him.
"It's alright." Jace said and stroke his hand over Alec's back.
They'd never been through something like this and Alec didn't like to show his emotions, more than anything else cry - Shadowhunters don't cry.
"I don't want to do this anymore." Alec rubbed a hand across his face and looked at Jace and once again he knew why they were parabatais, more than brothers. His own pain was showing in Jace's eyes and he knew this was really hard for Jace as well. "I wish it would have been me-"
"Don't you dare say that!" Jace's voice broke, he couldn't help it as he leaned his head against Alec's
"I swear by the Angel-" he exhaled like he'd been holding his breath without really noticing.
They both closed their eyes...
