You left me long ago

It felt like eight tentacles clutching my whole body

One of which dedicated to choke the breathe out of me

It was decades ago

Yet when something reminds me of it

It feels like it's still happening

And I descend to it

Into the loop of misery

Everything circling through me

And I circle through them

Until I, for decency's sake, for practicality's sake, shut it out

And move on

Until the next fix

I actually want it

I actually like it

For everytime I remember the unfortunate

I also am reminded of the sympathy we had

Is it really just sympathy we felt?

Sympathy for each other

Or was it... I dare not say it

I didn't say it

And you didn't either

-x-

I don't want to say I had no choice

I don't want to admit the reasons I had

I left because I wanted to

Because I needed to

I don't want to admit that I didn't get hurt

I don't want to admit that I actually cared

For once in my life, I did care

For someone

Of all people, you

Well you were worth it

You're rad and beautiful

I don't want to delve into that now

I tell myself that I left just because I wanted to

Leaving for leaving's sake

After all, I never shied away from darkness

I welcomed it and I bathe in it

-x-

And now we stand face to face

Like nothing happened

Because we need to get to the matter at hand

When it comes to people like us

We are always practical

And so I should not have been surprised

But that's for later

And now here we are

Done with the tasks of the day

So what now?

=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o

We had lit the flame again

We dared

We were ecstatic

We promised this time it's different

This time it is for real

We both believed

I genuinely believed

I think you did too

We reveled in every moment we had

We lived in the moment

We believed in the future

I cherished every second I had with you

I believed in a future of us

But now tables have turned

I now have my first dream

You always knew

You are only my second

You were fine with that

Because I have always been a second to you too

And I am fine with that

That's how we are, so why fight it?

And now I am leaving you

Not because I don't care

I do, more than I will admit

You gave me euphoria that sometimes eclipses my first dream

And how is that possible?

You are the only who can do that to me

Yet Again

But my first dream is my ultimate glee

And because I want my revenge, I am leaving you

I want you to feel what I felt

In your own way

I know you will

Also because, who are we to think of a future?

There's a future for me

There's a future for you

But there is no future for something called us

I will not admit that I second guess myself

Not to anyone

-x-

And so you left

I deserve it

I feel all the pain

I can't help myself but feel the pain

I believed before

I believed again

It is double the pain compared the first time I did the leaving

I should not be more crushed now

I should be thinking we are finally even

I should not care because we are the type of people

Who take because we can

And we always knew we are only each other's second

But the thing is, I care

For the second time in my life

I genuinely care

And it is because of you

Yet Again