Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
A/N: I have been meaning to improve on this story for a long time. I hope those of you who loved it when I first posted it still do as it is now, and those of you who just find it will love it too.
xo M
Old A/N: Glee is back tomorrow. So how exactly is it that I still feel enough angst to write this? Sighs. I hope you like this as much as I do, or more.
Love, M
Breathe
Chapter One
In Kurt's life, there have not been very many moments in which he felt truly lucky.
In the big scheme of things he, to this day, mostly thinks of himself as '…different.'
He hopes this is not only because others tend to describe him in…
…that…way.
'Lucky.'
Kurt hates the idea which people seem to throw especially at children, a whole lot:
Remember, there is always someone who has it worse.
Kurt never could find it in himself to understand '…how on earth that thought is supposed to make anyone feel better.'
But still, right now, and Kurt hates himself a little for feeling that way, listening to Blaine's ragged breathing, coming out more in gasps and sobs than actual breaths, Kurt grows positively aware for the first time of just how lucky he can be considered, he can think himself, to have his '…Dad, and Carole.'
Kurt helplessly watches Blaine struggling, desperately, with himself to find the breath that will carry the words he needs to say from his own chest to Kurt's ears - the words that will express, can convey the things, the feelings, the fears that have build in him over years of torturous, disturbingly straightforward rejection, hate, abuse.
The snide remarks, the looks, the ridiculously stern rules; Blaine cannot take it any longer.
Kurt, again, is reminded that no matter what cruel scheme the bullies at school come up with next, ultimately, '…they stay at school.'
Kurt is his own person. More, Kurt is allowed to be his own person, to have his own personality, to be himself…in his home, a home he loves.
Home to Blaine is not a concept connected with that of love, and Kurt had first two months ago noticed the trace of pain in Blaine's eyes whenever he comes over to have a meal with Kurt's family, or just to be with Kurt, just to be…really - Kurt now fully understands, for the first time.
Blaine loves how he can just be himself with Kurt and Kurt's family.
One reason, one of the many why Blaine loves Kurt, Kurt knows how to, and dares to…be himself. No matter where he is or who he is with.
Burt - despite the grief loss of the woman he and his son still love so much - has done a great job installing confidence in his son who has from a very early age on never not been unmistakably different from most of his surroundings and especially the people in them.
Kurt feels his breath leave his chest, but somehow at the sight of the broken boy, who cannot form even a single word, Kurt's airways tighten and refuse the relief of fresh air to re-enter his body.
At the end of the day Kurt has warmth and a place he can be sure he is loved to return to.
Blaine looks so lost.
Blaine has lost himself.
With coming to Kurt, his anchor to a reality he cannot only just about stand but love, Blaine hopes to find …something, anything really that will help him make his own way back.
Kurt aches with the need to take Blaine into his arms, but the attempt forty minutes ago did not go well at all, and Burt, nursing the cut on Kurt's arm from falling against the coffee table in the living room when Blaine pushed him harshly away before curling up on himself on the living room couch – quite obviously unable to deal with human contact just then - has ordered Kurt to let Blaine calm down first. But it has been forty minutes after all, and Kurt is not sure how much more of watching the boy rocking himself back and forth, shaking violently, he can take, before he will break down completely as well.
"Scared of Blaine, I had never expected to feel like that," Kurt whispers to his dad, who is standing right next to Kurt; both watching the boy on the couch with love drenched in worry.
