Connected head canons for Amanda Rollins and Jennifer "JJ" Jareau.
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"And if your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
and I will hide you when it gets too much. I'll be right beside you"
JJ often let Rollins stay in her guest bedroom. Amanda didn't say much about it after the first few times, when she had told JJ her house was getting fumigated, or her pipes had ruptured. JJ didn't bother to ask why after the fourth time – when Rollins showed up unannounced and asked if she could stay one last night. JJ never asked Rollins when she would return to her house that was too big, with too many empty rooms, or why she kept leaving it.
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Rollins always makes sure she goes in before JJ on particular cases; when the air is putrid and children's toys are stained red, she never lets JJ cross the threshold. Rollins drives JJ home on those nights, and when JJ falls asleep with her son in her arms, the monsters in her head take an indistinguishable form. Sometimes, JJ dreams of the smell of death and of the house of horrors she's never seen, and when she wakes up she wonders what shape Amanda's monsters take.
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Rollins unintentionally kisses JJ one summer night on her front porch when they've had too much to drink. JJ's too stunned to react, the cicadas are loud in her ears but Rollins lips were soft. Amanda wallows in guilt while JJ hastily makes an excuse to go check on her husband and son.
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When JJ and Will go on vacation and ask Rollins to watch over their house and take care of the plants, they come back to find Rollins asleep on their couch, and JJ doesn't need to ask her why to know the answer.
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Rollins starts to ignore JJ's calls soon after their case goes cold, and when JJ finds her at a rundown pub placing bets on horses that raced across a dated television screen, JJ tells her about Emily, how they were close, teammates, best friends, and of how she suspected that Emily loved her, but then Emily left; she had to for her own safety. JJ tells Rollins that she can't afford to lose her, too.
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JJ always checks on Rollins in the middle of the night when she stays over in the guest bedroom to make sure she's still there; sure enough, she always is, curled in on herself in a mess of floral patterned blankets and disheveled blonde hair. JJ sleeps better when she crawls back into bed with Will and dreams of black birds and of the day that will never come; the day where Emily Prentiss returns to stay.
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JJ waits for Rollins to speak first on the nights she sits across from her at the kitchen table; the bright light above her chases away the lurking shadows of the quiet house. JJ had made her coffee when she arrived – put it down a little too forcefully, Rollins had flinched at that; she listened for the telltale signs of Henry descending the stairs, but only silence followed. Some nights, when Rollins doesn't talk and her eyes never leave her lukewarm coffee, she can hear JJ ruffling through drawers before she slams a roll of cash on the table in front of her and leaves the room. On other nights – nights like these, when Amanda swears it will be the last time, she'll pay her debts, stay safe, and that she'll ignore the casinos, JJ hugs her tightly as she cries. On these nights she stays until the sky bleeds orange and when she leaves, JJ kisses her cheek and only for a moment, Rollins' believes that she'll keep her promises.
