A/N: There's not a chance in hell that I own Kingdom Hearts, and the only thing I do own is a stick figure drawing of Riku I used as a Monopoly piece once.

In case you don't figure it out, Uncle Lurod (or Lu) is pre-organization!Luxord. And no, he isn't really Roxas' uncle. Roxas just calls him Uncle Lu, since it's a lot shorter than "Parent/Guardian Lu".

Rated T for language.

Summary: In this alternate universe, Organization XIII (or should I say IX, at the moment) is a motorcycle gang, traveling the world atop their revved machines seeking for new members. They decide to stopover at a campground in Twilight town for a week, so they can rest up and such. Meanwhile, Cloud Strife and his younger brother, Sora, are going camping with their cousin, Roxas, and his guardian, Uncle Lurod. Sora's friend, Riku, Cloud's boyfriend, Leon, and Roxas' girlfriend, Kairi, are coming along as well because hell, what is a Kingdom Hearts fic without them? I'm promising some AkuRoku, Zemyx, ManSaix, SoKai, RikuxNaminé, and others down the road. You'll just have to be patient. ;D

Dawn was breaking over the sleepy campground of Twilight Town. The birds sang, the beetles hummed, and the raccoons scurried off with goodies from their latest raid. All was calm, and not a single person was to be seen for miles…

A sudden roar pierced through the silence, soon echoed five times over. The ground trembled as the deafening machines rolled through the campsites, a human atop each machine save one.

One man, blonde, bulky, and bearing a twig in his mouth, was attentive enough to give this group a piece of his mind.

"Who the bloody hell do you think you are?" This brave soul strayed precariously into their pathway, nevertheless wary of the seven darkly clad motorcyclists. "It's six-oh-fuckin'-clock in the morning and I'll be damned if you're going to screw around in my camp…"

The first rider, presumably the leader, braked slowly, slow enough to make the blonde man break out in a sweat as he watched the bike inch ever so closer to his toes…

"We have a site reserved." There was a casual flick of a gloved hand that accompanied the deep voice that spoke; the cloaked man produced evidence of his claim. The blonde man studied the receipt incredulously; apparently, he never realized he had ever served such nonconforming customers.

"Well…uh…" The man handed back the grubby piece of paper. "Campsite 13…it's just down the road…"

"We already know." With a nod, six engines rumbled back to life, and in a flurry of dirt, the bikes raced on save one.

A lean biker, dressed in the same god forsaken cloak, was now parked beside the blonde man, and for the first time, the man noticed a pale girl—couldn't be much older than fourteen—clutching the driver lightly around the waist.

"You know," The biker's rough voice snapped the blonde man from his daze. "it's seven, not six. Sounds like you need to change your watch, Cid."

And just as fast as the biker had appeared, he disappeared, leaving Cid to chew on his stick in befuddlement.

"Well, goddamn," Cid shifted the twig to the other side of his mouth as he contemplated his newest patrons. "How the hell did he know my name?"

---

A boy journeyed through the endless corridors of a dark world where the only source of light came from the moon's shine. His eyes remained startlingly bright underneath the shadows of his hood, which he soon removed to reveal his honey-blonde hair. Roxas was only walking, but as he did, his emotions surged. He could only think of the redhead, the one that haunted his every footstep, and the smell that lingered long after it should have dissipated…

"Roxas? Roxas, wake up."

Roxas murmured drowsily in reply to Uncle Lurod's voice.

"I suggest you wake up, Roxas."

A hand reached out to shake the boy's shoulder; Roxas swatted it, rolling over in his covers. There was a sigh and then his uncle spoke again.

"You asked for it, Roxas…"

"ROXAS!ROXAS!ROXAS!ROXAS!ROXAS!GET!UP!UP!ROXAS!GET!UP!WE'LL!NEVER!GO!CAMPING!IF!YOU'RE!STILL!SLEEPING!IN!BED!SO!GET!UP!ROXAS!ROXAS!ROXAS!"

Somebody pounced hard on Roxas and continued to do so, causing poor Roxas to groan in pain. When the bouncing finally ceased, Roxas cracked his eyes open just enough to groggily look up at the bright and cheery face of his cousin.

"Sora…"

Being acknowledged gave Sora another rush of giddiness, and soon Roxas was being stampeded on all over again. A loud crack stopped the boy mid-bounce; a slew of curses ensued and the brunette scrambled off to discover his cousin cupping his bloody nose gingerly.

"Damn, Sora. What the hell was that for?" Roxas was too pained to take notice of his uncle's harsh glare.

"I guess I got carried away…" The brunette flushed.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Sora shuffled, staring at his feet. "I really didn't mean to, Roxas."

"Didn't mean to, my ass!" Roxas screamed, groping for a handful of Sora's brown spikes. Instead, he managed to claw at his cousin's eye, causing the boy to yowl in pain.

One eye blind, Sora lashed at Roxas viciously punching, pushing, yanking, twisting, pinching, or scratching anything that came within range. Roxas, meanwhile, gave a well-placed kick back at Sora. Sora doubled over and capsized with a loud "Oof!"

"Boys, boys! Stop it!" Uncle Lurod hovered over the two as they resumed their fight on the ground. He would lean in, as if contemplating on separating the two, then have second thoughts. "I said stop it right now!"

The two adolescents continued to ignore their elder, intent on battling to the death, or unconsciousness, at the least.

"Take that, you brown-haired freak!" Roxas' fist cut across Sora's face with an upper hook.

Sora returned the favor with a direct shot. "How about this, you blue-eyed baby?"

Roxas froze. "Wait a second…you have blue eyes too!"

"Nope. They're azu—ack!"

A rough hand grabbed Sora by his collar, yanking him onto his feet. Another hand, equally harsh, dragged Roxas up by the scruff of his neck.

"That's enough." Roxas lifted his eyes to the man who had spoken, half-expecting his Uncle Lu. Instead, he was looking into the chilling face of his other cousin, Cloud Strife. From his hand dangled Sora, who was struggling to face his older brother.

"What was all that about?" A cool voice breathed heavily over Roxas.

"I'm not sure," Cloud inspected his brother's appearance before turning his eyes on Roxas. "You did one hell of a job, Roxas."

It was Roxas' turn to flush as he mumbled his apologies. Suddenly, he felt gravity rush through his legs as his captor released him into the awaiting arms of Uncle Lu.

"You okay, kid?" Roxas felt hands run over his body, checking for damage. "Your nose looks a bit crooked but besides that…"

"I'm fine, Uncle," Roxas worked his way out of Uncle Lu's death grip. "Really."

Sora, meanwhile, was being scrutinized by Cloud and the other man.

"Cloud! It's just a scratch!"

"Yeah, and your whole eye is swelling shut."

Sora squirmed.

"It looks like it's just a black eye." Roxas' dark-haired captor skimmed a finger over the organ in question.

"I know that, Leon. I just need Sora to stay still."

Sora continued to squirm.

---

Five cloaked figures huddled around a makeshift tent, forming a lumpy oval in the dirt. One of the figures broke free from the circle, pushing back his hood to reveal a silvery mane, shimmering in daybreak's light. He raised his arms stiffly, forming the perfect V.

"We are here…at last," His copper eyes searched his companions as if daring them to say otherwise. No one did, so he continued. "This week we shall spend in…"

There was a thundering grumble of an engine, the sound rolling far on down the pathway. The silver man's voice faltered and he attempted to restart.

"This week we shall…"

The noise grew louder, signifying the machine's approach.

"This week—"

"I know most of you act like old dudes, but I say we order ourselves pizza or something!"

The missing man, tall and lean, was parked before the group now with his blonde doll still clinging onto him. An uproar of greetings surged from the huddle.

"Xiggy!"

"If it isn't the perv with the pistols. I'm up for a pizza."

"Manic, empty-headed simpleton."

"It took you quite a while to get here, Xigbar."

Grinning at the recognition, Xigbar killed the bike's engine, strutting over to his silver-haired friend with the girl in tow. He bowed mockingly before his Superior, then added in his most sincere tone, "I was delayed, Xemnas. She—" He sent a scathing glance the girl's way. "—was not being a good girl. I had to deal with her appropriately."

The Superior blinked, not amused. "I hardly find any of your methods 'appropriate'."

Xigbar remained unfazed. "Just 'cause you're such a dud and don't want to try it doesn't mean that—"

"We are a motorcycle group, not a gang," Xemnas' face remained expressionless. "We do not promote rape."

Xigbar shrugged. "Whatever. Your loss."

"Xiggy, over here!"

"What about that pizza?"

"Don't call the halfwit over here, Demyx."

Xigbar smirked; clearly, he was the popular butterfly of the group. "Catch you later, Xemnas," Xigbar flicked off his hood, letting free miles and miles of his gunmetal hair. He turned to the pale girl beside him. "Let's go, Nami."

The pale girl, supposedly Nami, nodded not out of agreement, but cooperation.

---

"Is this really necessary, Uncle Lu?" The this Roxas referred to sat prominently on his broken nose in the form of thick, white bandages.

"You know it is, Roxas," Lurod watched from afar as Leon secured the last bit of gauze with medical tape. "Leon's a professional. He knows what he's doing."

The dark-haired man nodded assent.

Sora emerged from the hallway, sporting a newly formed shiner. "Kairi and Riku are here, Roxas."

The blonde boy perked a bit. At least he could moan to his girlfriend now about this. Riku, on the other hand, would probably kick his ass for beating up Sora's but Riku couldn't be any worse than what Cloud was. Roxas shuddered at the thought.

"I'm done," Leon stood as he announced this, clearly desiring nothing more than to get back to Cloud. "Anything else?"

Uncle Lurod shook his head in reply, giving Leon consent to leave the room. As Leon walked off, Roxas followed to the living room where Kairi, Riku, and Sora were awaiting his arrival.

There was an indignant cry as the auburn-haired girl rushed into the unsuspecting arms of Roxas. He smiled over her head at Sora but he was already preoccupied with Riku. He turned his attention back to Kairi as she inspected his nose from below.

"Oh, it looks horrible!" She stroked it lightly, tracing the outlines of the binding tape. "I bet it hurts so much…"

"Not really," Roxas reassured her, fondling her porcelain cheek. She sure had a pretty face…

"Roxas?" Kairi stretched out her hand, running it through Roxas' hair. Little did Roxas know that she was bringing him closer and closer to her, the little space between them rapidly diminishing. She was pretty, so pretty, so—

A thwack to his ribs sent Roxas flying sideways, crashing into the couch not too far away. Kairi gave off another yelp, rushing to Roxas' side. Through the daze of it all, Roxas looked up at his snowy-haired attacker who smirked back.

"Sorry to interrupt your cozy moment," Riku's lip curled back into a sneer, "but we have a van to pack."

Roxas returned the sneer as he struggled to stand but an airborne satchel sideswiped him, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

"Roxas!" Kairi knelt beside her boyfriend, ready to lug the heavy bag.

"Don't bother, Kairi. You've got your own load to haul."

Kairi scowled and continued to scowl at Riku's disappearing backside. She waited until he was completely out of view to mutter, "What a bastard."

"I don't know," Roxas pushed the baggage off, letting it roll to the ground. "I think I might've deserved that…"

---

"Xiggy…" Demyx' eyes barely popped over his cards, shifting wildly about the circle of players as he spoke.

"Yes, Demyx?" Xigbar answered in an irked tone of voice.

"Do you have…" The fruity man took a pause for dramatic effect. "Do you have…a nine?"

A collective, exasperated groan rose from the cluster.

"Demyx," Zexion tried his best to talk to Demyx with the least disdain possible but he was failing miserably, "you've been asking only Xigbar for only a nine all game. He doesn't have one."

"But I want a nine!" Demyx pouted, receiving a whack to the head in turn.

"Are you sure that we made a good choice with him?" From far off, Saïx observed the newest member struggling in the childish game of Go Fish.

"He's skilled with his sitar," Xemnas' head appeared for a moment from the makeshift tent. "We'll find a use for his melodious tune."

Saïx didn't bother to mention that Xemnas had once taken the same approach with Zexion, only to find that the most useful talent the slate-haired man possessed was his heightened sense of smell. He turned back to the Superior, who had resumed fishing for whatever it was he was searching for, "What about the redhead?"

Xemnas' reply came muffled from within the tent, "He will be kept as well."

Saïx quirked a dubious eyebrow, and took a sideways glance towards the man-in-question who was currently sneaking extra cards from the deck, unbeknownst to the others. Although his inner instincts warned otherwise, Saïx felt an obligation to contradict.

"Number Eight has been nothing but trouble ever since he arrived," Saïx watched offhandedly as his superior struggled to clamber out of the tent, boxes and boxes of food overflowing in his arms.

Noticing the blue man's look, Xemnas offered to explain himself, "I brought munchies since no one ever bothers to cook."

Saïx couldn't help but scoff, "Munchies?"

"Isabelle used to say that word all the time," Xemnas' face reddened.

And that was when Saïx began to choke.

---

After exchanging a few more words with Kairi, Roxas had determined it was best to follow through with Riku's orders, unless if he really desired irking the guy again. Reluctantly, Roxas had hauled the heavy bag through the living room, down the hallway, and out the door, only to discover that, "Oh, no. We already have a bag of poles in the van." So Roxas dragged his sorry rear around back to the yard, hoping for some solitude, only to find Leon resting against the back wall, gazing into space. Oddly feeling the need for some cousin-in-law bonding, or perhaps just sympathy, Roxas attempted to strike up a conversation.

"So," Roxas assumed the position beside the dark-haired man, arms crossed and everything, "are you excited?"

Leon eyed the boy incredulously like, Why the hell are you talking to me again?

Roxas cleared his throat uncertainly. "I guess not. That makes two of us."

Leon stared back blankly, making Roxas uncomfortable. Roxas shifted slightly, creating more distance between them. He couldn't help but wonder what motivated Cloud to be lovers with such an antisocial guy. Then again, Cloud could be quite the recluse himself. Maybe one more time would do the trick.

"Camping," Roxas spat the word as if he had just taken an amble bite of molded cheese, "why camping?"

Leon finally came to life. "Well, camping is Pig Latin for pain and suffering," A smirk played on his lips. "Possibly hell."

"Funny. Real funny," Roxas scowled, deciding he had enough of his masochism for one day. Without another word, he turned his back to the man, making his way to sulk in the van.

"Why else do you think it rains every night?" Leon hollered his last words after him. "You're supposed to drown! And those damn raccoons…"

Shit.

A/N: There we have it. Roxas is doomed to eternal hell, otherwise known as camping, while Saïx…he's just doomed.

I've been so busy finishing up summer assignments and all that, I might not have an update for several weeks. But hang in there! The ride's only starting.

R&R, please! You don't know how much it means to me.