Myloveisgone

My love is gone

His boots no longer by my door

I always knew this day would come. I wanted to deny it. But I knew. I just wish it hadn't come so soon. The house seems so empty without him. Something, I'm not sure quite what, is gone. There's something about him that fills the house, and now…

He left at dawn,

And as I slept I felt him go.

He left that day at dawn's first light. He thought I was sleeping, but I woke up as soon as he left the bed. I think he didn't want me to worry too much. He never has been good at good-byes.

Returns no more,

I will not watch the ocean.

My love is gone,

No earthly ships will ever bring him home again.

Bring him home again.

He's been gone before, and it hurt then too. Then I didn't even have my son to comfort me. But I also knew that he was coming back then, that I would see him again, at my door waiting for me. As I sit by the window at Kamesennin's, I have to bite my lip to keep from looking out the window, as I have done so many times before. Waiting for him to come back to me. Because this time he isn't.

My love is gone

I know that kiss will be his last

No more his song

The tune upon his lips has past.

I sing alone

While I watch the ocean.

My love is gone.

No earthly ships will ever bring him home again.

Bring him home again.

I think back to when he left. As I lay there feigning sleep, he ever so softly got up and got dressed. I heard him go and wake Gohan. Then, just before he left, he came over to where I lay, bent down, and touched his lips to mine. A tear rolls down my face as I think about it. My last kiss from my one true love. I know that he chose to stay away, and though it hurts, I understand. He's being selfless and wonderful again. He thinks about himself so seldom. Unless he's hungry of course.

There I go, thinking in the present tense again. I can't help it. I just have trouble believing that I'll never hear his carefree laugh, or see his sweet, innocent smile again. I love him. I always have and I always will. I know I've gotten angry at him a lot, but I've worried about him so much. I just didn't want to lose him.

And now I have.

I give in and gaze out over the water.

Kami, I'll miss him so much.

Gohan is walking in the door. He needs me now. I get up and go over to him, then I kneel down and gather him up in my arms, and hold him. And without and words, without any noise at all, we rock back and forth, crying. Grieving. Loving him.

I suppose I'll meet him again. Up there. Someday.

But for now I have a young son to think about.

And maybe, something inside me whispers, just maybe another child to remember him by.

Well, in any case, I need to say this.

I love you Goku. Goodbye.