Summary: Bobby Goren explains his failure to successfully answer an Apocrypha challenge to write a story lacking the most common letter in the English alphabet. This is dedicated to a nameless lj member whose post gave me the inspiration for the final verse.

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TO: APOCRYPHA

Why I couldn't put up a story missing a non-consonant that is not a, i, o or u.

Though my mind is a wondrous mosaic

Of facts both profound and prosaic

It lacks an agility

Or linguistic ability

To accomplish said task in Aramaic.

With a dazzling I.D.

To vanquish M.I.T

Had I but trod a path

Full of Hindu, not math...

But now I'm stuck in a job in NYC.

I don't sport kith or kin

Who know Mandarin -

Instruction in Cyrillic?

That would turn out idyllic

And shift my sad frown to a grin.

Now my frustrations grow

In an odd quid pro quo

My own dictionary

Is acting contrary

In providing fit words that will flow.

For a brilliant tactician

It's an awkward position

At a loss for a noun

To nail this down

Caught in this humbling admission.

Could I find inspiration

In my unpaid vocation?

My skills as an actor

Could furnish a factor

To crown my hunt for salvation?

At final finish of day

'Twas too arduous play

Transforming phonics

Into histrionics -

And that is ALL I will say

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Postscript

Now I'm mad as h*ll

At this damn AOL

Had I known of how glamour

May accompany bad grammar

I CUD OF ANSW3RD THIS CHAL3NG SO W3LL!

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URZ

BOBBY GOR3N