I hate Gwen

I hate Duncan, but I was still in love with him

I hate the friendship Duncan and Gwen had,

But mostly I hate myself. I hate myself , because I wasn't good enough for Duncan or anyone

Every time I see them together, or even think about them or what happened, I want to scream and cry. I want to punch a wall or maybe one of their faces. I want to stop eating, I want to stuff my face and then throw up.

I want to run and keep running until my legs hurt and feet bleed. I wanted to train for my triathalon. I wanted to keep myself busy, with things like school work, all the clubs I was in (French club, international club, Art Club, Creative Writing Club, Student Council, debate team, Enviromental Club, Save the Animals club, Concert club for guitar and violin) or all the sports I did (lacrosse, kick-boxing, ice-skating, soccer, ballet, jazz, swimming/diving, gymnastics, girls hockey, and Tennis). I just wanted to keep busy in general.

Whenever I saw them kiss or hold hands, I don't know what I want to do. I want to do a lot of things., maybe hire a mental doctor and have her prescribe as many anti-depressents and medication she could and take them until I felt no more pain.

When I see them together, it made me want to be perfect, the most perfect person in the world, the girl who could do it all.

Whenever I hear that stupid nickname he has for her, "pasty", I want to swallow a bottle of bleach or take as many drugs as I could. I want to feel in control, in anyway possible. That stupid nickname reminded me of how I had been replaced, that he didn't want me anymore.

I hate seeing them with each other, I could feel myself die inside whenever I did.

I want Duncan back so bad, that it hurts.

There was one thing that I so desperately want to do, even though I couldn't, and that was to not care and move one. But I knew that wouldn't be happening anytime soon, and I hated it.

I hate Gewn,

I hate Duncan,

I hated the friendship Duncan and Gwen had,

I hate looks happy, while I'm dying on the inside

But mostly I hate myself, for not being good enough