I'm Already Dead

Chapter 1

CLOVE'S POV- REAPING

He says the words I never wanted to hear, especially not now, maybe another year. I don't know how I'm still managing to keep my appearance calm, emotionless, like the career I am. I want to scream, I'm so angry! Not just at him, mainly at the capital with their fancy clothes and screechy voices. It makes me want to puke. Five minutes of standing up here and I already hate our escort Oceania. But most of all I hate myself for being this stupid, for allowing this to happen, because I know it will be the end of me, the end of us.

"They say you never forget the face of the person who is your last hope"

FLASHBACK

CLOVE'S POV- AGED 9

Beep, beep, beep...

Its 5am on a Monday morning when my alarm goes off; for once I bounced out of bed quickly, heading straight for the warmth of the shower. I've waited 9 years for this day; I'm finally starting my proper training at District Two's Training Centre. I was meant to attend last year, when all the kids my age did, but as my parents aren't around anymore and even when they are I'm not of great interest, they didn't releases I was 8 so, I didn't get permission. After sending seven messages which they didn't reply to I just accepted that I would never go but only after a couple of attempts to break in which were unsuccessful. Instead my brother Ben, the victor of the 55th Hunger Games just continued to train me at home, like he had for the last couple of years. But when my father arrived home for a surprise visit on Friday, not to my joy, I managed to plead with him in his drunken state before he passed out and surprisingly he accepted.

My father's drunk most of the time he spends here; I've got the proof all over my back in whip marks from his drunken angry outbursts which me and my two siblings have to live with. He was a peacekeeper here until I was 6, so there was no escape. It was like hell on earth growing up, I dreaded his arrival home each night as he would almost surely be drunk already and would come in raging about little things in his day that made him pissed. Being the most liked member of the family, he would often unleash his angry on me bashing, hitting and whipping me as much as he could. Sometimes it went on for a minute or two sometimes for hours. I would sit bashes and blue in the corner crying as he yelled at me for being weak, so small. When I was 5 he beat me to an inch of my life, my brother bravely intervened and then took me to the hospital after my father had passed out. Crying in the hospital that day, I vowed to never again be so weak that I was be unable to defend myself, to cry and that I would never be that scared again.

The next day I went out to train on my own, I experimented with the weapons before me, until I found the perfect one. Knives! I used them so naturally that you would have thought I'd been born with one. Training with knives helped me, it gave me a feeling of power and more importantly it made me strong. With the help of my brother and my talent with knives I discovered them like they'd never been before. I spend the next couple of years perfecting them, learning everything about them from their movement to where they were the most affective. I was floorless, they were like a part of me and I never parted from them. Apart from knives my brother said I had to be able to use other weapons, so I trained in bows, spears and hand to hand combat. For someone with such a small structure as me I was surprisingly good. I could duck and move fast around my opponents.

If my father did anything for me, he taught me never to show my emotions it resulted in a bashing so I learnt to put on a brave face and not to show anything. Its better when people can't read you, it means you hurt no one but yourself. Dad no longer scared me, once I found my knives and it didn't matter how many times he beat me it didn't hurt any more, I no longer felt anything my heart was a cold as ice.

So after all my experience at home I'm not worried about being a year behind everyone, so what if there taller being training at the centre longer. I've had a victor as a personal trainer since I could walk and being in so many fights I could face anyone. I know coming from a whole family of victors I've got natural talent, I'll knock them off their feet. Especially with my knives, they're my little secret

I get out of the shower, reaching for my new training gear, attempting to dry myself at the same time. Once I'm dressed I quickly tie up my wet, tangled brown hair in a pony before heading down the stairs.

"Wow, Clove! That actually looks really good on you, it suits your eyes" exclaims Ben with his usually cheek as he handed me my toast. Ben, my eldest brother is really the closest thing I've had to a father. He has raised, feed and cared for me since I was little without any help. My parents being peace keepers are never here, maybe only once a year so it was nice to have him round. Though, he can be annoying sometimes.

I just ignore him. "You excited" he continues "yeah, about whipping everybody's butts", I mumble confidently between mouthfuls of toast." And it will be all done to your amazing trainer, me", he says. I raise my eyebrows and cross my arms across my small chest. And your natural talent, obviously" he adds quickly. I give him a smile, "you did train me well", and head back up the stairs to my room. Once my teeth are clean and my bag packed I look at the clock. Shit, its 5:20am, I've only got 10 minutes. I race out the door, when Ben shouts from the kitchen "you forgot your lunch"! "Uhhhh" I moan running back, "thanks Ben".

I'm lucky the training centre is only a short walk from the victor's village otherwise I would probably be late. I turn the corner and follow the signs through to an open area. I arrive at the gate at 5:27; I've still got 3 minutes good. I turn my head to walk in the direction of coming students. When I look up I freeze, my mouth hanging open. WOW! It's the most amazing place I've ever seen and the biggest. Looking round there are so many students here but only one out of the hundreds will have the honour of representing district two. Yeah and I'll be one of them. I wonder what it's like in side. I stop staring and walk in wearing the most confident and deadly face I can muster I don't want to appear weak. I venture through the door and to the front desk.

"Hello, can I help you?" she asks staring at me with her grey beaded eyes, weird

"Clove Holloway"

"Oh, yes the new girl, I'll just be a minute" and with that she disappears into the office.

After a couple of minutes she returns with another office lady.

"Clove, this is Veronica, she will show you to your class".

"This way Clove", she says hustling me into a classroom were a man is instructing a class who look like they have just begun. She whispers in my ear, before showing me were to put my stuff, gives me a locker key and tells me to stay here before going to talk to the instructor. He looks over at me and I smirk in recognition. You're tough clove

"Clove, come here", he commands

I walk over at my own pace. "Hi, is all I say crossing my arms across my chest. "Hi, I'm Luke and I'll be your instructor, you seem confident" he says

"Why shouldn't I be", I snap rudely

He just shrugs before turning to address the group of students in front of him. "Attention! We have a new student class, this is Clove Holloway, I hope you give her a warm welcome and assist her if she needs it, I don't want any trouble". He waits for a second before turning his attention to me but I'm not paying attention. I'm looking round the group getting a good look at my competition. There are far more girls than boys in this training group, I wonder if the more talented boys have been moved up, whatever way it's good for me.

"Clove, have you trained before", Luke asks. I turn my attention back to him before answering.

"Yes sir, since I was five"

Sniggering erupts in the room, one girl gives me a smug look, before leaning over to whisper to her friend and they begin to laugh. "Well then Clove, show us what you've got" Luke says almost sarcastically. I growl at him, I'll show him, all of them, before walking straight over to the knives, were else and surf through the different knives before selecting ten and walking to the throwing area. The trainer seems concerned, not sure that I can make 50m with moving targets but he doesn't argue heading over to the controls. I nod and he turns them on. I wait for the targets to light up. I can feel ever eye on me now, I'm going to show them not to mess with Clove Holloway, I may be small but I'm deadly. The targets light up and I release my knives sending them flying at the targets. I don't miss a single one. I can hear gasps of shock throughout the room, as my second throw of knives land with a thump in the targets. Peeping up I see that girl again with a look of disbelief on her face yeh, you though wrong about me and just because I can I pick up a carving knife fling it at the only remaining dummy, smiting its head off in one single blow, ohhhh. Smirking, I look around, all sounds have stopped, everyone is just looking at me with their mouths handing open. Just the way I like it. And for no reason my attention turns again to that girl. She seems to have gotten over her shock and is red in the face from angry. I'm guessing she was the top girl well she'll have to make way for me.

I just stand there for a minute, before Luke speaks, "excuse me for a minute class" and with that he runs from the room. I feel so good standing before the rest of my class with their shocked faces, there as scared as hell and I haven't even started showing what I can do. Even better is getting to see that girl angry face, I'm almost laughing, she looks like she's going wet her pants. So I just stand there until a voice interrupts me. "Clove" a voice calls, its Luke he entered the room and is now heading straight to me. "When this class is over you will move up to level 7 but you have to stay until the end. I nod, "that's fine with me" I reply smirking proudly. I'm a little disappointed about having to wait but all I can think about is how my luck has changes, how I'm one step closer to actually making my dad proud.

"Ok everyone back to your stations", Luke yells. I head over to my knives were I know no one will go, giving death stares to anyone who dares look my way. There all so scared and I know it, it gives me power like I never have at home.

Just when I'm about to start throwing, a medium height girl with flowing gold hair appears beside me. Is she stupid or hoping to die?

Author's Note

Hey, this is my first fanfiction, hope its ok. Any constructive critism or suggestions are welcome, please review!