A/N This is my entry to the Secret Santa exchange on Tumblr. It was organized by batessecretservice and written for silly beggar. Hope you enjoy. I'd love to get some reviews. Call it my Christmas present.
I don't own...
"Alright fine. I won't deny it, I have feelings for her. I have feelings for Anna Smith. Are you happy now?"
John looked around the little cafe quickly, hoping that his small outburst hadn't drawn any attention.
Robert spoke more softly in his reply, "I'm happy if your happy. And I believe you and Anna can make each other happy. To be honest, it would make me extremely happy not to have to spend another year watching the two of you pine for one another."
"I'm sure she's not pining for me."
Rob let the merest bit of a smile twitch his lips when he noticed his friend and colleague didn't deny his own pining. He schooled his features and continued, "That's not what Mary says." When he noticed the look of horror on John's face, he added, "They tell each other everything you know."
"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," John deflected Rob's comment, "you're forgetting something rather important."
"Oh?"
"I'm still a married man. When I last spoke to Vera, she made it very clear that she has no intention of filing for the decree absolute once the decree nisi finally comes through, and since she began the divorce proceedings, I'll have to wait three months after that before I can file for it myself."
Rob rolled his eyes. He could not for the life of him understand how someone like John Bates had ever ended up with someone like Vera. His friend's taste in women had certainly improved since he had arrived at Downton & Associates.
"Now, you're forgetting something, Bates."
"What's that?" John scowled.
"It's not the bloody Edwardian Era! People do have relationships while they're in the process of divorce. There's no shame in it these days."
John repeated himself as if he were trying to explain something relatively simple to a small child, "I can't marry her if I'm still married."
"Marry her? Good lord, Bates. You haven't even kissed her yet. You haven't even asked her out on a proper date. I doubt very much she'd be expecting to go from whatever the hell it is the two of you have been doing for the past 3 years to a proposal of marriage with no steps in between."
It was quiet between the two men for a moment. John was concentrating on his cup of tea as if it were the most interesting item in the universe, realizing that he had revealed far more about his feelings for Anna than he had ever intended.
Obviously, Rob had picked up on this too, saying softly, "Marry her, eh?"
"Shut up," Bates growled, "and if you tell Mary, or even Cora, I'll kill you."
"Your secret is safe with me," Rob answered, making a locking motion in front of his mouth. "So, are you going to ask her out?"
John looked well and truly miserable, "I can't Rob, I just can't."
"Because of the divorce? I thought we just covered that."
"It's not just that," John waited but was met with a patient stare from his friend and boss. He knew he was going to have to continue, "I've just admitted how I feel about her. But I can't do that to Anna. She deserves so much better than anything I can offer her."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous."
"I'm not being ridiculous. Anna is a young woman. She loves to go out. She loves to dance…"
"She loves you!"
Now it was John's turn to roll his eyes, "In any case," he huffed, "She has her whole life ahead of her. I'm sure she wants marriage, and a family, a nice home…"
"And you're not prepared to give her those things?"
"Of course I would, if I could, but I can't."
"Whyever not?" Robert was getting frustrated at this whole conversation. He loved John like a brother, but his best mate's overactive sense of honor was trying at times. He honestly didn't see how Anna had the patience.
"As you pointed out yourself, marriage would be a long way off and I'm not getting any younger. I don't even know if I can father a child. Vera and I never had any children."
"Thank God."
John laughed bitterly, "and we never did anything to prevent it."
"As far as you know."
John nodded, taking Rob's words into consideration, "As far as I know. In any case," he continued after finishing his tea, "Anna's not going to wait forever. And as for a home...I'm in so much debt with the divorce and my medical and legal bills…"
"I've told you a hundred times I'd be happy to pay off your debts," Robert spoke sincerely, "I owe you my life after all."
"And I've told you 'no' a hundred times. You don't owe me anything."
"John, you gave me my life back," Rob insisted.
"Yes, and you gave me mine when you allowed an alcoholic with a criminal record to be your personal assistant. And gave me a cottage on the estate for an insultingly low rent each month."
"I can always raise the rent, if it bothers you that much," Rob grinned.
"No, no," John laughed, "I'll swallow my pride this one time. Now come on, we've got to get back to work. I don't want the boss to catch me out."
