A/N: Takes place about a year after "The only one that feels like home". Emily and Paige are back together, but Emily is at Danby and Paige is at Stanford. This story is from Emily's point of view. There will be three chapters.

This is the final story (for now at least) in the series "Starting Over", "Three Dates" and "The only one that feels like home". It's a bit original character heavy, but still very much a Paily story. I hope you like it.


Hi Vicki,

How are things over in NZ? Are you and Lin settling in OK? You must be so excited, and I guess it would be nice for you to be back home. I hope Lin isn't too homesick, though I suppose you'll be able to comfort her. ;)

Seriously though, I am so happy for the two of you.

I've been back to the cafe a couple of times since you left. I still go every week, though it's strange there now without you.

I'm not just writing to check in, though. As it turns out, I have some very happy news. I wish I could tell you in person, but email will have to do as I really want to share this with you now...


Two things happened to Emily that day. One seemed important, the other trivial, but both would acquire their own significance in her life.

That afternoon she got a call from Paige.

"Em, Em," she was saying. "I've looked at the scholarships. You're still eligible."

Soon Paige had sent her a link and Emily was busily reading through a lot of fine print. Paige was right, at least partly. Emily still had a chance, but she would need to ramp her times up. If she did, if she could be the fastest on her team, fastest in the region, then she would have a chance at at the scholarship, a chance at transferring from the Danby swim program to Stanford.

Emily had resisted thinking about this for so long, because there was little hope for her. This year things had changed a little, though. She was in training at Danby now, and it was coming back to her. The feel for the water, her rhythm, and most of all the love of swimming. She wasn't in any danger of breaking records, but swimming was a real part of her life again, not just a reminder of what she had missed out on.

Still, Emily held back. She had accepted the situation she found herself in, so part of her wanted to leave it at that. Everything that had happened in her senior year of high school was done, but she had managed to recover the most important thing to her, her love for Paige. The rest was just life, and maybe a little part of her thought this was the price she had to pay, should pay, for her mistakes. She wouldn't let herself dream it was all going to be OK, that everything could be fixed. Even the loneliness that struck her sometimes was just a reminder of the love she and Paige shared. In a little over two more years, they could be together. They could start again.

So what did this mean? This wall of words and technicalities gave her a chance, but she wasn't sure if she should take it. She knew she could cope with the time away from Paige. She wasn't as sure how she would fare if tried and fell short again.


That evening she was still mulling over the choice she faced, not really coming any closer to deciding, more just getting herself worried that she had to make the decision soon. She went for a walk and decided to pick up some food on her way home.

There was a group of shops just off campus, and among them were a number of small restaurants with different styles of food, Japanese, Mexican, Thai, Italian. As Emily walked past she decided to try one she hadn't been to before, but her mind was still elsewhere, so she just chose a door and walked in.

She found herself in Bob's New Cafe, which promised "Authentic Singaporean Cuisine". It was small to the point of cramped, with about a dozen tables, the type that really only fit two but are often pressed into service to accommodate four, and clusters of plastic chairs around them. The walls had pictures of various dishes, presumably Singaporean but from their presentation unlikely to be what she was served. Apart from that the room was bare. The tables were empty, and the counter had just a small bundle of menus.

Behind the counter stood a smiling young woman, Emily guessed not much older than her.

"Good evening," the waitress said cheerily. "Would you like a menu?"

"Yes please," Emily responded, and took the one offered.

"Would you like to eat here or get takeout?" the waitress asked.

Emily couldn't pick her accent. Maybe Australian, or South African even.

"Takeout, thanks," Emily replied.

The young woman was strikingly pretty, almost as tall as Emily, and thin, with a long face but a wide smile that showed off a set of dazzlingly white teeth. She had long, black, curly hair which was mostly pulled back in a messy ponytail, but some was left hanging in front of her face, partially obscuring her dark brown eyes. She was dressed entirely in black, but wearing a cardigan with sparkly silver thread running through it.

Emily knew what it was like to do this sort of work, how that smile began to ache as the hours wore on, but somehow the girl serving her tonight seemed happy without it being forced. Emily wished she knew how to do that.

The menu was short. A few noodle dishes, a handful of "House specialties" and, for some reason, hamburgers. Emily wasn't sure what to order.

"Is there anything you'd recommend?" Emily asked.

"The Char Kway Teow is fantastic," the waitress gushed. "That's my personal favorite."

"OK, I'll try that then," Emily responded. "I don't think I've ever had that before, but I wanted to try something new."

"Wonderful," the waitress said, then turned and poked her head around the corner before calling out "Char Kway Teow, please!"

She turned back to Emily, smiling as if she was genuinely happy to be introducing someone to her favorite dish. Maybe she was.

Emily paid for the meal, and not long afterwards a boy who looked like he was probably still at school emerged and presented her with her dinner in a plastic container, a plastic bag wrapped neatly around it.

"Here you go," he said.

"Have a really great night," the waitress added.

"Thank you," Emily replied.

As she walked back to her dorm, she thought more about whether she should try for the scholarship, but made little progress, and now she was being distracted by the spicy aroma coming from the bag she was carrying. By the time she arrived in her room she just wanted to eat.

She sat down and unwrapped her meal. She studied it for a moment, then tried a mouthful. It was delicious. She had some more, then had to pause to appreciate the flavor. It was incredibly good. She would definitely be going back there.


It took Emily two days to decide. Once she had she called Paige.

"I'm going to try for it," she announced.

"That's great, Em," Paige replied. "I'm so proud of you."

"I'd say I've only got a 50-50 chance, the way my times are at the moment," Emily elaborated. "I'm improving, but I lost a lot of time. I'll keep training, keep working on it, and see how I go."

"There is one important thing you have to remember, though," Paige began.

"What's that?" Emily asked.

"I love you," Paige explained.

Emily smiled.

"I love you too," she said.

So Emily kept up her training, as she said she would. Her coach was good, though she knew she would be getting better if she was at Stanford. Paige gave her tips when she could, things she had learned in her own training, but Emily had to make the best of her own circumstances.

She didn't like putting pressure on herself like this, but she knew what was at stake and there was no way around it. If Emily could improve enough to be winning races at regional level she would be in with a chance to get into Stanford. If she couldn't improve enough she would be staying at Danby, spending two more years living on the opposite coast to Paige.

Meets were different at college to high school, though. Emily had been one of the fastest swimmers in the group of schools that Rosewood High competed against, but every other girl she was racing now could say the same thing, and most of them hadn't taken time out for injury, let alone had to deal with the kind of stress Emily had faced in her life. Here, she was just another swimmer.

She had a choice. She could stick to her freestyle, which had always been her strongest stroke, but which was also the most popular, or she could switch to butterfly, a stroke she had tried recently and had picked up fairly quickly. Changing to butterfly would mean more work to get herself to a competitive level but potentially less competition when she did.

She spoke to her coach and suggested she might like to try butterfly, and soon she got to work training. She was still not sure if she was doing the right thing, but she swam every lap picturing Paige there, cheering her on, waiting for her.


Bob's New Cafe became a regular feature for Emily around this time. She went there at least once a week, trying various dishes - Chicken Rice, Mee Goreng, Beef Rendang - sometimes staying to eat there, sometimes going back to her room.

The place could get busy at times, usually on Friday and Saturday nights, when it filled up suddenly, with a number of families and couples all turning up around 6:00 and leaving by 8:00. They all seemed to know each other, and there was talk and laughter between the tables, with children running around the room, getting under the feet of anyone walking through.

Other times, in fact pretty much any other time, the cafe was almost empty. One or two diners might be there, students like Emily or sometimes older couples, but as often as not it was empty save for people arriving to collect their takeout orders.

Whenever Emily went, she would always be greeted by the same waitress.

"Hello," she would say enthusiastically when Emily came in. "It's great to see you again."

Sometimes they would talk as Emily waited for her order.

"My name's Vicki, by the way," she said one night. "Well, Victoria actually, but everyone calls me Vicki except my mum."

"I'm Emily," Emily responded.

"Are you a student at Danby?" Vicki asked.

"Yes, I'm a Sophomore," Emily replied.

"What are you majoring in?" Vicki asked.

"Biology," Emily answered.

"That's terrific," Vicki responded, and with that Emily's order arrived.

"See you again soon," Vicki called as Emily left.

"Definitely," Emily agreed.

The cafe was open five nights a week, and Vicki seemed to be there every night as far as Emily could tell, greeting new arrivals, handing out menus, and taking orders. Sometime she also saw the younger boy, who Vicki introduced as Tom, and whose job seemed to be to bring the meals out from the kitchen.

Sometimes there was another girl there too, around the same age as Vicki, but shorter and stockier, with remarkably complicated hair, short but layered and shaped, blond on top over black at the base. She was only there on quiet nights, but would always step back when a customer came in, and Vicki never introduced her. Emily got the impression this girl didn't actually work there, instead she and Vicki seemed to talk in whispers and quiet giggles when nothing else was happening.

She might have just been a friend of Vicki's, but Emily started to wonder if it was more than that from the smiles and meaningful glances they exchanged. She thought that maybe she was reading too much into the situation, but each time she saw them together she couldn't help but notice the slightly conspiratorial air they had around them.


Almost every day Emily was up early to practice. She swam lap after lap, working at making her motion in the water as smooth, natural and easy as possible. She was training her arms and her legs so they would no longer require direction, but could move by muscle memory alone.

She enjoyed this. There was something relaxing about it, just performing the same movements over and over again, going up and down the pool. Her mind let go of everything when she trained, until her entire world was the line she followed, the breaths she took, the count of the strokes and the perfect turn at the end of each lap. Everything else fell away. Her times were improving, but that was something she only thought about once she was out of the pool.

Out of the water, her life revolved around fractions of seconds and the incremental improvements that brought her closer to her target, and closer to Paige. Her coach would scrutinize her technique and she would try to absorb the barrage of words coming at her. When she went out for a coffee with friends they would talk times and training, and news of who had swum a PB. When she was in the shower she would think of how she had to meet her next goal. It was exhausting, but it made the gentle routine of swimming a relief.

Each time she spoke to Paige she would report on her improvements.

"Em, I'm really proud of you," Paige would say, but Emily could sense the hesitancy in her voice. Paige knew why Emily was telling her those times, stressing the improvements, promising more to come. Paige knew Emily was doing this to be with her, and what Emily was putting herself through.

"We'll make it whatever happens," Paige said one night on the phone, trying to make her words an affirmation, but unable to keep herself from asking "You know that, don't you?"

"I know," Emily said.

Emily didn't want to think about that, though. She wanted to get the scholarship. She wanted to be with Paige.


Emily took Lakhsmi and Amber to Bob's New Cafe for dinner one evening, pretty much on a whim. They had been talking together on campus and felt like going out, and Emily wanted to introduce them to her new favorite restaurant.

When they arrived Vicki was there, as always.

"Emily, you've brought some friends," Vicki noted enthusiastically.

"Yes, this is Lakhsmi and Amber," Emily responded. "Guys, this is Vicki."

"It's lovely to meet you," Vicki said, shaking hands with each of them in turn.

"And It's lovely to meet you too," Lakhsmi replied. "Emily speaks highly of both your cuisine and your friendly service."

"Thank you," Vicki said, leading them to one of the many available tables. "Emily is one of our regulars here, practically part of the family."

As they sat down Vicki handed out the menus.

"Here you go," she said casually.

"You have a lovely accent," Lakhsmi said. "Are you from New Zealand?"

"I am indeed," Vicki replied. "I've been here for about six months."

"New Zealand is beautiful," Lakhsmi enthused. "I have been there only once, with my family when I was a little girl, but I do remember being captivated."

"It is," Vicki agree. "I am missing it quite a lot, but it's been such a fantastic opportunity coming to America."

"Emily didn't tell us you were a Kiwi," Lakhsmi noted.

"A what?" Emily asked, a little puzzled. Vicki just smiled.

"Since Emily has been somewhat remiss in her inquiries, I have to ask something else," Lakhsmi added. "Who is Bob, and what happened to his old cafe?"

"Bob is my Uncle Robert," Vicki explained. "He's my father's older brother. The two of them left Singapore at about the same time, but Dad went to New Zealand while Uncle Robert went to the US and ended up here. I wanted to get away for a year before starting Uni so Dad organized for me come over here."

"That is very fortuitous," Lakhsmi said. "And the old cafe?"

"The original Bob's Cafe was around the corner," Vicki explained. "It was a slightly bigger building, but a bit out of the way, so he moved here."

"See Emily," Lakhsmi said teasingly. "These are the things you learn when you ask questions."

"I will let you all decide what you want," Vicki announced, and left them studying their menus.

This was the first time Emily had brought someone else to the cafe, and she was a little nervous as to whether they would like it. She needed have worried, as the food was wonderful. The three of them talked up a storm, or rather Lakhsmi and Emily did, while Amber mostly listened. Amber seemed happy with this, however, so Emily didn't try to force her into conversation.

Occasionally Lakhsmi would call Vicki over for more questions. How different was life in New Zealand, had she ever been to Singapore to see her family there, which she had, and how long she would be in Philadelphia. Vicki's answer to the last question was hesitant. "Just a few more months," she said.

For most of the night the three of them had the place to themselves. It was a Thursday night and the place was quiet. The only other customers were there to collect orders.

Lakhsmi and Amber were being as affectionate as usual, which is very for Lakhsmi and not so much for not so much for Amber. This was just the difference in their personalities, though. Lakhsmi would often casually, almost absentmindedly, reach out and put her hand on Amber's shoulder or forearm, or maybe play with her girlfriend's ponytail while talking to Emily. While Amber rarely reciprocated, at least from what Emily saw, she clearly enjoyed the attention.

At one point Emily noticed Vicki watching them, and as well as Vicki's usual smile, Emily saw a look flash across Vicki's face, a look of recognition.

Not long before they finished their meals, Vicki's friend, or possibly girlfriend, arrived. She went straight to the area behind the counter, and waited in the doorway between the counter and the office area while Vicki busied herself tidying up.

Vicki seemed to be tinkering with something behind the counter, and from the frustrated grunts Emily could hear, whatever it was seemed to not be cooperating.

"It's knackered," Vicki said, seemingly to herself.

At this point the other girl started laughing raucously before quickly covering her mouth as she looked around nervously.

"I reckon it's dodgy, eh cuz?" she said, in an exaggerated New Zealand accent.

"Yeah, it's munted," Vicki agreed.

"Ah well, you can't help bad luck," her friend added.

"You taking the piss?" Vicki asked. For a moment Emily thought she sounded angry, but they both laughed. "You're a dag," Vicki added, in a more playful voice.

Emily wanted to know more about these two, but this wasn't the time to ask.

Still, it was an enjoyable evening, even if it did remind Emily of her own love, so far away. For a moment she pictured Paige out somewhere with friends, maybe with another couple also in love, all of them laughing, having a good time. Emily wondered if Paige was feeling just that little bit alone despite the company, like she was. She wondered if Paige was thinking of her, too.

She probably was.


Emily was nervous. She always was before a race, but this time was special. She had made it to the final, but as much as her coach and her teammates were telling her what an achievement this was, Emily had to win. This was a divisional final, and if she won this, she would have a chance.

One other swimmer had recorded a faster time than her in the heats, a girl from UPenn, Gabrielle. Emily had seen her swim and she was fast, with a powerful kick. Emily knew she would have to push herself, and even then she might not make it.

Before a race Emily usually just looked straight ahead, thinking about the water, about her stroke, about how she was going to swim. This time she did something different, she let herself look over to the next lane, where her main opponent was also preparing herself. As she did, Gabrielle looked up at her, and just smiled, almost encouragingly. Emily couldn't help but smile back.

Emily knew what she needed to do. She needed to swim.

The pre-race rituals went as they always did, and soon Emily was poised on the blocks, ready to go.

When the starter's horn went off, Emily dove into the water, kicking underwater to get as fast a start as she could before finally emerging. Already she had drawn ahead of most of the field, except for the swimmer beside her. The two of them were level, and remained so as they reached then end of the first lap.

They turned together, but as they started back up the pool Gabrielle was suddenly an arm's length ahead. Emily didn't try to catch up at this yet, instead sticking with her own rhythm, but she could feel the power of the other girl's stroke, and especially her kick, in the water. By the end of the second lap Emily was half a body length behind.

Turning into the third lap, Emily was holding her position, but unable to reduce the margin. Her opponent was too strong. Emily tried to just focus on her own stroke, but she could feel Stanford slipping away. Another swimmer was catching up to them as well, over in lane six. Emily had no choice but to push harder.

They were on the final lap now. Gabrielle was still ahead, and only going stronger. She started to pull away from Emily, and as she did the swimmer in lane six was drawing level.

Emily let go. She was feeling strong, so she just swam. The water felt good, and for a moment Emily could just enjoy herself as she sped through it. She knew she wouldn't win though.

She touched the end of the pool and looked up. Third. Less than half a second behind, but still third. It took her a while to realize she had just swum a personal best.

In the lane next to her, Gabrielle was ecstatic. Emily reached over and hugged her.

Emily looked back up at the board again. Half a second. It hardly seemed possible that such a small moment in time could make so much of a difference, but it had. Half a second had taken away her second chance at the dream she and Paige had created, the dream of being together at Stanford.

She had tried, but it wasn't enough.