Posey Shepard was dying... again. In a few minutes, her oxygen supply would run out once more, and she would be left alone floating in darkness. But now, there were no stars above her to focus on, only the searing pain she felt all over. Even if there were stars, her eyes hurt so much She knew that this time, there would be no one to lift her broken and mangled body out of the wreckage, to rebuild her piece by piece and memory by memory until no one could tell the difference. Only those left of her old crew had noticed the scar missing from her right eyebrow, and the way her hair was now just a shade deeper red than it had been before Cerberus rebuilt her. She understood why the new team members (and even most of the old crew) had been so incredibly anxious around her for that mission - they'd all seen the newscast eventually, the one that said

We have just received some... troubling information here at Citadel News One. The SSV Normandy SR-1 was shot down by an unidentified vehicle over Alchera three days ago. Six casualties have been confirmed, including the human Spectre Commander Shepard, formerly of the Alliance Navy. We send our sincerest condolences to her family and former crewmembers. A memorial service will be held in the Commander's honor on the Citadel. Details including date, time, and precise location will be sent out as soon as they are available.

But when she had showed back up, sporting Cerberus colors and a half-mechanized body, her friends had dropped everything to help her fight the Collectors. Though Kaidan's mistrust had cut her to the core, Garrus's blind devotion and willingness to follow her into Hell had given her the strength to carry on through those long, scary months. The crew of the Normandy SR-2 had grown so close during that time, and bonds were made then that she knew would never be broken. Friends and lovers came together to defeat the Collectors, and somehow they had all made it to Hell and back. But Shepard had known, even then, that it wasn't over. Until the Reapers were completely extinguished, it would never be over. And if she wanted those people who had become her family to have even a remote chance at peaceful, happy lives, then she was always going to be the one racing towards the finish line, fighting for a future that she would never see.

She knew, when she said goodbye to Tali, Liara, Wrex, and Garrus in the makeshift operations center in London, that it was the last moment she would have to cherish with each of them. They had known it, too - they'd all known it all along, that Shepard was willing and prepared to sacrifice herself for every single member of that team, and for every inhabitant of the galaxy. Shepard had been both relieved and heartbroken when Garrus asked to be on her squad for the final stretch. Relieved that he would have her six, even at the end; heartbroken that she might have to somehow say goodbye to him again. You'll never be alone, Garrus. With both of them using a Black Widow sniper, the Banshees and Brutes had gone down quickly enough. But then, Harbinger loomed above them, lasering anything in its path. For a brief few moments, as she and Garrus and the Hammerhead pushed onward, drawing closer to the beam, Shepard had let herself grasp at a tiny strand of hope. But when the vehicle in front of Garrus and James leaped skyward and nearly crushed them, she knew that this was it. As she screamed into her comm for an evac, she felt hot tears on her cheeks. Never had she been more grateful that she was wearing a helmet - Garrus would know, without seeing her tears, how hard this was for her, and she couldn't let him live wondering if he should have followed her to the Conduit. This was Posey Shepard, a terrified woman who had seen too much love and too much loss in her lifetime and never known what to say about it.

When Joker arrived with the Normandy moments later, she hurried Garrus up onto the loading ramp. Liara reached out a hand to support him, but he turned around to look at Shepard, terror and heartbreak in his icy blue eyes. "Shepard..."

"You've gotta get out of here." Her throat had already begun to close up with emotion. She wanted more time to say goodbye, to say so many things, but if they didn't leave now then there was a chance that all of them would die.

"And you've got to be kidding me," Garrus replied, shock in his voice.

"Don't argue, Garrus."

"We're in this 'til the end!"

If Shepard's heart had broken before when they said goodbye, it was being ground into dust now as his subharmonics went wild. She shook her head and bit her cheek for a moment, before looking back up at him for the last time. "No matter what happens here... You know I love you. I always will." Her voice broke towards the end, becoming almost a whisper, and the tears came rushing back under her helmet. Garrus's features softened as she reached her hand up to brush his scarred mandible.

"Shepard, I... love you too." Shepard turned to look at Harbinger and the beam, and when she glanced back at the Normandy Garrus's hand was extended towards her in farewell. She couldn't focus on that now. Commander Shepard forced her vulnerable side back down and yelled to the Normandy crew that she could see.

"Go!" Her steps faltered just a bit as she sprinted away towards the beam, but she kept her footing and ran on. That last long push to the Conduit strained every cybernetic nerve, muscle, and bone in her body until she thought she would shatter just from the effort it took to take one step. When Harbinger's beam hit her, she barely felt a thing as she fell to the ground. Staggering back to her feet, she grabbed a nearby pistol and forced herself forward the last few yards. She took out husks and a marauder with less ease than usual, and then somehow she was on the Citadel.

Shepard did not feel the stab of satisfaction she expected when the Illusive Man held the pistol to his chin and fired. When Admiral Anderson told her he was proud of her with his dying breath, she nearly cried again. As she walked towards the red conduit to destroy the Reapers, she tried not to imagine Joker hunched over EDI's lifeless body, or Legion crumpling to the ground on Rannoch. She had to do this; the Reapers could not be allowed to remain, or they would never be free. All of the Geth and EDI, and Shepard herself, sacrificed to save the entire galaxy. That damn ruthless calculus of war.

She didn't even remember pulling the trigger, now that she was remembering everything. Now, as she struggled for an adequate breath, she pictured the soldiers on Earth, Palaven, and Thessia embracing each other, dropping their guns, crying with relief. She imagined everyone being safe, and she knew that they would have a future because of her. As her thoughts dragged on, they became less and less clear due to the lack of oxygen. Shepard felt as if an immense weight was pressing down on her, crushing her back into the oblivion she'd succumbed to over Alchera. But this time, she was ready to go - she had saved the ones she loved, and they would be able to find new loves, get married, have children, and live the lives they'd always talked about. As she felt herself fading, she whispered out loud to herself. "I'll be at the bar, Vakarian, whenever you're ready."

#

When her eyes fluttered open, she thought she was having another dream about Cerberus. The fluorescent lights above her looked exactly the same, as well as the sterile gray of the walls. Except now, the table beneath her wasn't cold steel. In fact, as she opened and closed her fists slowly, she almost thought she felt blankets, beneath and on top of her. She could hear to her left the beeping of monitors that she'd heard so often before - the steady beat of her heart, a dispensing of pain medications. Shepard was surprised to find that she could turn her head without much difficulty - perhaps this wasn't a Cerberus dream, after all. In those dreams, she hadn't been able to move at all without searing pain. She looked left to right, taking in the hospital room around her. It wasn't Cerberus, but it definitely wasn't the medbay of the Normandy, either. When she found the red call button, she pressed it gently. Moments later, an older human nurse appeared at the doorway.

"Welcome back, Commander." Her face was kind, with an unmistakable smile of relief. The nurse approached her bed quickly and looked over the monitors. "All of your stats are looking good, ma'am. Is there anything I can get you?"

Shepard opened her mouth to say "Water, please" but no sound came out. She frowned and tried again. Still nothing. The nurse nodded knowingly and walked back to the door, leaning out and calling to another nurse for a glass of ice chips. She then crossed back to the end of Shepard's bed, picking up a clipboard and scribbling some things down.

"Your voice will come back soon enough. You've been out for almost a week since we brought you here. Honestly, I'm shocked that you came to us in such good condition, from the reports that described the fighting down there. Those cybernetics have done some amazing things." She broke off as another nurse entered and handed her a plastic cup, which she promptly offered to Shepard. "You are one lucky woman, Commander. I don't know what you did that stopped the Reapers, but we all owe you our lives. I'm Denise, by the way. I'll be taking care of you while you're here."

As the ice chips soothed her throat, Shepard found that she could at least whisper now. "Thank you, Denise. But where exactly am I?" Denise smiled and moved back to the side of the bed, adjusting some of Shepard's IV's.

"You're in London, ma'am. Recon teams were sent up to the Citadel to look for survivors, and they found you buried in the wreckage of the Citadel Tower. All of the survivors were brought back to Earth and sent wherever there was a facility to take care of them. You had only been unconscious for a few hours when you got here, but they wanted to keep you here in London for quicker updates."

"Quicker updates with who?"

"Admiral Hackett, ma'am, and the surviving Council members. They lost the Dalatrass on the Citadel, but Councilor Sparatus and the asari councilor made it out. They're all on board a turian frigate right now, trying to estimate the damage done to the relays. Admiral Hackett said to contact him as soon as you were awake, but I won't do it until you're ready to talk."

Shepard took a deep breath and nodded. "Go ahead and call him. He's probably got a lot of questions, and so do I." Denise patted her forearm gently and left the room. Shepard was then alone with her thoughts, making a mental list of questions she needed to ask the Admiral. Were the Reapers really gone? What was the status of Earth? What was the status of the Normandy and her crew?

Denise reappeared, carrying a portable comm interface. She slid Shepard's meal table over her lap and set the interface down, powering it on with a push of a button. As Denise typed in a string of codes, Shepard felt all of her muscles tensing up. If the council was about to criticize her for destroying the reapers, and the Geth in the process, she would lose it. She felt like they'd never really thanked her for anything, not even saving their lives in the Battle of the Citadel. But she'd be damned if she let them criticize her for saving the galaxy.

It took a few long moments for the image on the comm to become clear, but when Shepard saw Hackett's face she couldn't help but sigh in relief. "Shepard," he said firmly, as he had so many times before. "It's good to see you." Shepard smiled warmly and nodded.

"It's good to see you too, Admiral. How did Earth fare?"

His features darkened for a moment. "1.5 billion gone, when all was said and done. About 17 million lost on Palaven, 5 million on Thessia. But the Reapers are gone, Shepard. They can't hurt us anymore. You did it." There was a flood of relief in his voice, and Shepard's heart lightened a bit. Until Hackett continued speaking.

"Shepard, there's... there's something you need to know." Her heart dropped and her fists tightened instinctively. "The Normandy, she's... She's missing, Shepard. No sign of the crew."

Her lungs stopped working, her head spun, and her stomach twisted violently. As she retched over the side of the bed, Denise (who must have already known, Shepard thought) pulled back Shepard's hair and ran a cool, damp rag over her face. Another nurse came in and started to clean up the mess, and Shepard looked back up at Hackett. "What do you mean, missing?"

His leathered face sagged, and his eyes were filled with sorrow as he stared back. "We know the Normandy made it out of the Sol System, but we can't trace where the ship went afterwards. Our scientists have estimated that there was no way they could've made it to a second relay in time, but none of the local clusters have been able to find the ship on any of their planets." He paused for a moment, more grim than she'd ever seen him. "I'm so sorry, Shepard. They were an incredible crew."

Shepard wanted to scream, to rage at the universe for this screwed-up twist of fate. It was supposed to be her who was sacrificed for the galaxy. The Normandy was supposed to be safe - Garrus was supposed to be safe. No words would form, and not even a sound would come from her suddenly tight throat. Denise reached over and turned the comm device off, for which Shepard was grateful. Hackett and the Council members shouldn't see the Hero of the Galaxy cry. As she leaned back against the pillow, Denise pressed the cup of ice chips back into her hand.

"We'll bring you something to eat soon, Commander Shepard. And, ma'am... I'm sorry for your loss." Shepard waited until Denise left the room to let the hot tears stream down her face. Her chest shook uncontrollably as quiet sobs engulfed her. This wasn't how it was supposed to end - she'd had a plan, and she'd followed through with it. But this was not the outcome she had wanted or expected. Joker, EDI, Kaidan, James, Chakwas, Liara, Garrus... everyone she had spent those last few months with was gone, and now she was the one left to pick up the pieces and move on. If the Reapers hadn't destroyed her, surely the thought of living out her life without them would.