I heard this song today, and IMMEDIATELY thought of Edward and Bella in New Moon…well…I guess more so Bella than Edward…but still…I know it's not 100% (for instance…Edward doesn't really "get tired")…but I still thought it was amazing and wanted to attempt a one-shot. If it sucks, please, don't be brutal. This is my first attempt at Edward/Bella. Why? No one can write them like Stephenie can…well…I've read some GOOD ones, but I was just too chicken. But this song made me. If I'm good at it, tell me that too. Cause I have more songs in mind
DISCLAIMER- I do not own New Moon or any of the Twilight books. They all belong to Stephenie. Including Edward Cullen, unfortunately. I also do not own "Lie" by David Cook.
You whisper that you were getting tired
Got a look in your eye, looks a lot like goodbye
Hold on to your secrets tonight
Don't want to know, I'm ok with this silence
It's truth that I don't want to hear
Ok. So the time Edward spent avoiding me and not talking to me seemed a little ridiculous. Immature even. But finally, it was over…hopefully. 'Do you mind if I come over today? Now?' I replayed his words more than necessary as I drove home, mind clouded and not quite ready for this conversation, whatever it was.
I pulled up in front of the house, and saw Edward slowly emerge from the Volvo, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it, both arms crossed over his chest. I sighed deeply, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger. You can do this—I thought to myself, but that thought was proven false as soon as I saw Edward's face. His perfect forehead was wrinkled in concentration, his lips a hard line. I emerged from the car, suddenly regretting the decision to let him come over today. He saw me, and he smiled my favorite smile, but I knew better. This smile wasn't real. It was a mask—why he was trying to cover up what he needed to talk about, I really didn't know.
You're hiding regret in your smile
There's a storm in your eyes, I've seen coming for a while
Hang on to the past tense tonight
Don't say a word, I'm ok with the quiet
The truth is gonna change everything
I walked toward Edward, my eyes locking with his until I approached him, and I looked awkwardly at my feet. He looked toward by bookbag, taking it from me and shoving it into the back seat of his car. I looked up at his face. He still had the same expression that I hated. He took my hand gently, looking toward the forest. "Come for a walk with me."
The tone of his voice was one I didn't like. He was serious…emotionless…cold, almost. I knew immediately I didn't like where his was heading. But this was good, right? He was at least talking to me… but as I looked up at his face, his jaw taught and his eyes hard as he walked slowly beside me, I could tell that wasn't the case. And he was walking. Not normal, at all. On a normal day, I would've expected him to sling me up on his back, and run freely and gracefully, happy and carefree. But not today. I didn't like this Edward, and it scared me. I almost didn't want to know what he was going to say.
So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
Look me in the eye
And lie, lie, lie
He stopped after taking about ten steps into the forest. I still saw the house from where I stood, and confusion overtook me. I didn't want this now. I was sure of it. I turned back to face the house, taking a step in its direction, but I sighed and turned back around to face Edward, standing up straight. Brave, almost. He leaned against a tree and stared at me. And for once, I couldn't even begin to guess what he was thinking.
"Okay, let's talk." It took every ounce of my being to control those words—to make myself seem brave, when inside, I wasn't sure if I had ever been more frightened. Not when he told me he was a vampire. Not when the nomads found us in the clearing. Not when James attacked me in the ballet studio. Not while the excruciating venom coursed through my veins. Not even on my birthday, when after giving myself a paper cut, the eyes of the Cullen family were all on me, thirsty, and desiring to taste my blood.
"Bella, we're leaving."
I know that there's no turning back.
If we put too much light on this we'll see through all the cracks.
Let's stay in the dark one more night.
Don't want to know I'm ok with this silence.
It's truth that I don't want to hear.
"Why now? Another year—"
"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."
Okay…but why did we have to leave with them? I asked myself. And then it hit me, like a ton of bricks, and I knew then what he meant.
"When you say we—," it took all the effort to force these words out, and they were barely audible, but I knew he heard me.
"I mean my family and myself."
I tried to clear my head, but I just couldn't. I waited before I spoke again. "I'll come with you." I was his family, after all. Wasn't I?
"You can't, Bella. Where we're going…it's not the right place for you."
He really was ridiculous sometimes. "Where you are is the right place for me."
"I'm no good for you, Bella."
I was angry now. "Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life."
"My world is not right for you."
Was this really about my birthday? Honestly? "What happened with Jasper–that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"
"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."
If I wasn't angry before, I definitely was now. If I was a cartoon, smoke would be coming out of my ears, my face bright red. "You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"
"As long as that was best for you." He interjected.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me." I remembered his words with remarkable clarity. And then I sighed, almost positive I knew where his mind was at this point.
"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul! I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"
He took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he wanted to say next. I silently begged him to look at me, so I could gaze into his eyes and attempt to see what he was thinking…what he was feeling now. He looked up at me after what seemed like an eternity, his eyes hard and serious.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke slowly, watching my reaction to his words.
His words stabbed me like a knife. I paused as the words reeled through my head over and over again. He's lying. He has to be. There's no way he's not. He loves you, Bella. I thought, trying to convince myself that the words he was saying weren't what he intended them to be.
So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
So look me in the eye
And lie, lie, lie
"You…don't…want me?" I was really confused at this point. His words made no sense to me, to the point that I wasn't sure I heard him right.
"No."
Well, apparently I heard what I thought I did. It seemed so unreal to me. but as I looked into his eyes, I saw no flash of doubt in his eyes.
"Well, that changes things." I said, surprisingly calmly. It still made no sense, and I felt myself numbing at his words.
"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
Too long? What was he saying? It wasn't long enough…no time could ever be long enough with Edward. Cause no amount of time would ever be enough for me to get a grip on the perfection that was Edward Cullen. It would take an eternity to grasp the idea that he loves me. Well…that he did anyway.
"Don't." I could barely whisper. My whole body hurt—like I was just going to crumble into pieces right in front of him. But as I looked in his eyes, I knew that there was no going back. He had made his decision, and nothing I said or did could even begin to change that now.
"You're not good for me, Bella." Well of course I wasn't good for him. I was never good enough for him…and I never knew why he loved me. I guess he finally realized that all along, he didn't.
"If…that's what you want."
He nodded and I went numb. That was it.
Don't want to believe in this ending
Let the cameras roll on
Keep pretending
Tomorrow's all wrong if you walk away
Just stay
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much to ask."
"Anything." I said, a little stronger than the last time I spoke.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I nodded.
"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him."
I nodded. "I will." I whispered.
He grew a little less tense at my answer.
"And I'll make a promise in return," he continued. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." This was certainly not what I wanted. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted him to tell me this was all one big lie. Or better yet, I wanted him to lie and tell me that he loved me. But all of these hopes were useless. I knew better than to want these things, because I wasn't going to get them.
He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
Time heals all wounds. Yeah right. He knew nothing…he obviously didn't know me as well as he thought he did. I doubted anything could ever heal the pain I knew I would feel every time his face crossed my mind. All of the memories flooded back now; every moment with him, every kiss, every conversation, every near-death experience…
"And your memories?" I asked, barely able to get the words out of my throat.
"Well—I won't forget. But my kind…we're very easily distracted." He smiled a little. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." He backed up, and I looked at him, pleading silently with my eyes.
And then I realized…he had said we wouldn't bother you again. not just I. We.
"Alice isn't coming back." I stated the obvious, and he shook his head.
"No. they're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."
"Alice is gone?" This hurt almost as bad as Edward leaving.
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."
Wake up, Bella! This is all a lie! Wake up! I was screaming inside, desperate to get out of this nightmare…for things to go back to the way it all was. Edward holding me in his cold arms, humming my lullaby…kissing me so tenderly…
"Goodbye, Bella." He said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.
"Wait!" I yelled after him, reaching for him desperately. He wrapped his hands around my wrists and placed them gently at my sides. Then, he did the worst thing possible—he kissed me gently on my forehead. As if this whole thing weren't enough to kill me, and now he was pretending that he still cared. What I really wanted was for him to wrap me in his arms, and tell me it was all okay, but I knew there was no way that was happening now...no way that it would happen ever.
"Take care of yourself." I closed my eyes, and by the time they had opened, he was gone—he disappeared, leaving only the wind from his passage.
So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
Look me in the eye
And lie, lie, lie
That was it. He was gone. I did nothing but run. I followed him, not even thinking…just desperate to find him. I couldn't stop looking…I just couldn't make myself. As much as he said he didn't want me, I couldn't make myself believe it. I kept running, until I tripped and fell.
It was over. My life. My future. My true love, gone forever. I didn't think I could survive it. I felt as if I would self-combust, and it hurt to take a breath. With each beat of my heart, I prayed it would be over. But now, there were only two options in my eyes. The first, for the pain to cease completely. Forever. And the second, for Edward to come back. I realized that wishing for either was a worthless effort.
His promise was definitely moot. As much as he said I would forget, I doubted that could ever happen. The transformation I had made from just Bella to Edward's Bella was so drastic, no amount of time or distance could ever change that. It didn't matter how far away he was. How long he would be gone. How much he didn't love me. None of it mattered. No matter what, my heart and soul would always belong to him—no matter what he said or did.
I just sat there. Smelling his scent. Hearing the sound of his voice. Feeling the coolness of his skin on mine. Seeing his perfect face. It was so vivid…so real.
And that's when I lost it. The tears freely came now, and I laid down on the cool ground as it began to rain and I cried myself silently to sleep.
No matter how much he didn't want me, my heart would always be his. His and no one else's. Nothing would ever change that. And I found myself wishing that this was all one big lie…that everything he said meant nothing. But it did. It meant everything. It was the end of my world. He tore me apart, from the inside out. He had always told me that he just wanted to make me happy…so why couldn't he just lie and tell me loved me?
So lie to me and tell me that we're gonna be ok
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the day
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
Look me in the eye
And lie, lie, lie
I don't know if that's the best way to end it, but I can't think of anything else…
Let me know what you think! If you like it, I have more in mind. They'll be in no particular order…just random Edward/Bella oneshots. I don't have enough inspiration or ideas to write a full story…I don't even know if I'm GOOD at this…
So yes? No? Like it? Hate it?
