Title: Five Times Nathan Stark Thought a Lobotomy Sounded Good
Genre: Humor/romance/drama/stuff
Summary: It's tough being the smartest man around, you know.
Notes: Written for Wabbitseason's fandom_stocking.

* * * * *

1.

Almost every time he has to deal with Carter. Perhaps a lobotomy would make the man easier to understand.

"So you guys made a freeze ray," Carter said, staring at Parkinson, who stood with one leg just above the floor, as he had for the last hour.

"No, Carter, it's a quantum inhibitor, which--"

"A freeze ray, right."

* * * * *

2.

That first date with Ally, where he acted and sounded like an idiot. Seriously, he'd just finished his second PhD and he actually asked her *astrological sign* because his mind went completely blank when she walked into the room.

She teased him about that for years. He knew their marriage was in trouble when she stopped.

* * * * *

3.

The soundproofing at GD was excellent, and that was generally a plus, as it meant that not everyone had to hear the inane conversation of other scientists, phone calls to husbands and wives, random explosions, or other minutiae of life.

There were times, however, when Nathan wished he'd convinced the contractors to skimp *just a little* on that excellent soundproofing.

Scowling, Nathan entered Zane's lab, prepared to ream him out over the two late progress reports. Unfortunately, the two people in the lab were so occupied they didn't even hear him.

He backed out of the room as quickly as he could, but it wasn't fast enough. The sight of Zane and Jo Lupo, half-naked, would unfortunately stay with him for a very long time.

* * * * *

4.

The incident with the bowling ball, the orangutans, and a giant ball of purple Play Do. 'Nuff said.

* * * * *

5.

"What did you do, Fargo?"

Fargo jumped and nearly dropped the remote control in his hand. "Nothing! I didn't do anything, Dr. Stark!"

"Mm-hmm." Nathan remembered his mother appealing to the ceiling for patience and wondered if it would help. "Then I'm sure there's another explanation for the fact that my computer is currently displaying text only in Swahili."

Fargo's eyes widened. "But I, um, I mean, maybe someone who reads Swahili needed to use it?"

Nathan crossed his arms and just glared. "Fix it, Fargo."

"Why do you think it's me?"

"Because if it were anyone else at GD, it would have *exploded*." Nathan rubbed his temple. "Just fix it."

--end--