Author's Note: So, a while back I promised I wouldn't write about the Heirs of Durin anymore, because everyone else was. Well, I lied. I can't help it. It might be some sort of disease. The 'Write About Fili' disease. And I can't help it. It's fun.
So here's a little story about Fili's time in Thranduil's dungeons, when they get to Mirkwood. So, I suppose it might be a spolier if you don't know that happens. And, I know that it's Bilbo who saves the dwarves from the spiders, but from the look of the promotional material, it'll be the elves who do it in the film.
One more thing; while rereading my other stories I almost fainted to see how many typos I let through. Sorry. I was watching King Kong while I was writing most of 'em, and therefore probably missed quite a few words. Professional, eh? I'll try harder.
As cells go, I suppose it wasn't a bad one, as such. Not too grimy, but a bit on the dark side, with no windows and a single door that consisted largely of very solid looking iron bars. There were no rats either, which was a pity, because I was getting rather hungry.
The elves didbring me food, which I suppose was decent of them, but it consisted mainly or that wretched leafy stuff that they apparently ate by the cartload. Unless they just kept it to serve to any unwelcome visitors, as a sort of subtle but effective torture.
And they had rescued us from the spiders. On the whole, if they hadn't locked us all up in separate cells shortly afterwards, I might even have been feeling grateful. I hadn't a clue where the others were, and I wasn't even sure how long I'd been imprisoned.
I sat with my back to the stones of the wall, tapping my fingers on my knees and beginning to feel very bored. Which was probably the idea behind locking us up in the first place.
I started to sing the first thing that came into my head, partly to try and stop myself from swiftly going insane, and partly to annoy my captors.
"Blunt the knives, bend the forks, smash the bottles and burn the corks..."
"Psst. Fili, is that you?"
I stopped singing abruptly, which was just as well, because I'd forgotten the words of the second verse.
Kili?
I pressed myself the iron bars of the door and, twisting my neck at an awkward angle, could just make out the shadowy form of my younger brother, apparently locked up seven cells away from me.
"Kili!" I hissed, never having felt happier to see anyone before in my life, but deciding to switch to dwarvish, if only for the sake of preventing any guards that might be nearby from understanding me "How are you?"
"Good," he replied, and I could see his face split into that always-ready grin of his "You?"
"Oh, fine, fine. In fact, if it wasn't for these bars, here, I'd be feeling quite cheerful."
"Fili, you speak a bit of elvish, right?"
I stared at him. Well, it was more of a squint, because of the dimness of the dungeons, but I managed to make it a pretty incredulous one, anyway.
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"I want you to ask the Captain of the Guard something for me."
I twisted my neck in the other direction and could just see the red-haired elf in question, standing on guard, straight backed and slender, at the end of the passage.
"If you want a linguist, Ori's your dwarf," I said, choosing not ask if Kili had gone completely mad "Anyway, she must speak Westron. Ask her yourself."
"I tried that last night, but she didn't say anything. Maybe she didn't understand me."
I couldn't for the life of me imagine where this was all going. But, Kili and I certainly didn't seem to be going anywhere for a while, which meant that he'd be free to nag me as much as he liked if I refused.
"Fine. What do you want me to say?"
"Ask her what her name is."
I snorted in disbelief. Of all the crack brained questions...
But I had nothing to lose by asking for him.
"Hello..." I called out, in elvish, before faltering as I tried to decide how to address the Captain. I settled on 'fair maiden' which wasn't ideal, but would have to do.
She ignored me completely, not even turning around or acknowledging that I'd spoken.
Hah! That's elves for you...
But I'd have to get her attention somehow, and I wracked my brains for the best way to do this. I could insult her, which would almost certainly get a reaction, but probably not the ideal kind of reaction.
"Hey!" I yelled, as loudly as I could "I'm ready to talk! I'll tell you why we came here!"
Well, that certainly got the Captain's attention. In a flash of red hair and pale skin, she was suddenly standing in front of my cell, looking down at me with utter disdain. I recognized the look in her eyes easily enough - I'd seen it in Thorin's face whenever he mentioned elves. It wasn't that this particular elf disliked dwarves, she really hated them.
"I've changed my mind," I said, cheerfully, treating her to my best ingratiating smile "But, why don't you tell me your name?"
The Captain looked down her nose at me in a way that made me wonder if it was a skill that she and all the other elves practiced regularly.
"If you do not wish to talk," she said, in elvish that was much better than mine "Then I will leave you in peace, dwarf, to contemplate your situation."
Very nice. Very warm. It was no wonder that elves had a reputation for being a warm and kind race. Something about the unpleasant way she said 'dwarf', annoyed me. You could just tell that she was dying to say 'dwarf-scum'.
"Hold on," I said, now determined to find out her name more out of a desire not to admit defeat than anything else "Maybe I can help you."
"You? Help me?"
"That's what I said," I replied, trying very hard to remain friendly "But talking in elvish gives me a headache. Can we switch to Westron?"
She hesitated, then nodded slightly.
"If you wish. Now, explain."
"Well," I began, trying to sound as if I wasn't doing a bit of desperate invention "I bet you've got all your men combing the woods for the rest of us, right?"
The elf pressed her lips tightly together, as if to signal that she wasn't going to let anything slip, but I could tell from the way that her eyes widened slightly that I was right.
"How many have you found?"
There was once more a slight pause, and I could see that the Captain was debating whether or not to answer my question.
"We found twelve more of your kind in the forest," she said at last "Are there anymore?"
I struggled to get over my disappointment. I hadn't known that they'd got Thorin, too. But not the burglar, by the looks of it. Well, as long as one of us made it out of this wretched forest...
"No more," I said, deciding that even though Bilbo was one of the Company, he wasn't a dwarf and therefore the elf's question couldn't apply to him.
"And you expect me to trust you?"
'"Look, if you find anymore dwarves in your forest, you can execute me in a nasty, painful way, if you like. Trust me, you can call your guards off and put them to work doing more useful tasks. Like cleaning up this place. I mean, it's filthy! It's just like a dungeon in here!"
Well, these last few comments might have crossed the line and headed into sheer impudence territory, but the elf didn't seem to mind. She was already turning and striding off down the corridor, obviously intending to go find an underling that she could order to spread the news.
"Wait!" I called, and had the satisfaction of seeing her stop and turn around, this time "What's your name?"
The Captain looked at me, her grey eyes cold and thoughtful, and I couldn't stop myself from flinching back a little. Which was highly embarrassing. I hoped that Kili couldn't see me, from his cell.
"My name," the elf said "Is Tauriel."
I sat down on my cell's floor and waited until I heard Tauriel's footsteps recede into the distance, before twisting my head and shoulders part way through the iron bars on the door, to try and get a better look at Kili.
"Did you hear that?" I asked, trying to make out his face in the gloom.
"Yes," said Kili, sounding oddly strained.
I waited for a minute or two, but he didn't seem likely to explain of his own accord, so I decided that a bit of gentle prodding was needed.
"Now, tell me what on Middle-Earth that was all about," I demanded.
"Fili," began Kili "I think I'm in love with her."
"Sorry, my dwarvish seems to be a bit rusty. What did you just say?"
